This isn’t my dream life.

When I was young I dreamed I would play basketball for the rest of my life.  I worked hard at it.  I practiced daily.  I shot free throws with my eyes closed.  I worked on my hook shot.  Hundreds upon hundreds of shots every day of every week.  My basketball career ended in high school.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be a dentist.  Then I took chemistry.

When I went to college I wanted to be a psychology major and play with people’s minds.  I got an accounting degree instead.  I left college thinking I was going to buy out a solo practice I had interned at over the summer.  The job lasted 3 months before he laid me off because his biggest client went bankrupt.  I still thought I would be a hotshot accounting guy and got a job with a firm in Fort Worth where I learned I preferred the legal aspects of the job and the consulting opportunities.  I got laid off after 3 years because I didn’t want to be a tax accountant and the firm closed their consulting division.

Somewhere along the path I applied to and was accepted to law school.  I was going to go through the night program but realized I would spend no time with my 4 and 6 year old children for the next 4 years.  I went to work for a couple of private businesses where I thought I would stay forever and have ownership.  Talk about a pipe dream.

I thought I would be married forever, raise great kids (the one dream that is still real and active), travel and fly-fish all over the world.  I dreamed life would be great.

I’m unemployed, divorced and see my children as much as the law allows.

This isn’t the life I dreamed.  Not even close.

It’s easy for me to focus on the bad days, the hard days, the down days.  I don’t know that it is uncommon that I can do that.  However, as I told my daughter one day, were it not for a marriage to her mom I wouldn’t have her.  If it wasn’t for one job ending I may not have had the experiences and met the people I’ve known over the course of my life.  Were it not for the challenges I might not strive for nor appreciate the good  times.

I hate were I am in life.  HATE IT.  Yet, I also believe there are things I am learning I will appreciate greatly in days to come.  There are people I am meeting that I would never had known otherwise.

It’s not the life I dreamed but it’s the life I have.  It’s my choice to make the most of it.

Grace and peace.