Last night, I sat in the presence of someone whose mother never held them or showed any affection while they was growing up.

I saw how Jesus was with them and is working in their life to love their children better and to love those who feel they aren’t enough, worthless, and see no way out.  I saw them being the hands and feet and voice of Jesus speaking love over people who haven’t known or experienced true love. I saw someone who knows how to share hope and love and grace.

Last night, I sat in the presence of someone who grew up hearing your worth is based on your output, built a business and watched their family and business dissolve while making money, buying things and getting addicted to alcohol and drugs.

I saw how Jesus was with them and is working in their life to overcome the pain, overcome the voices from his past, overcome the addiction, to rebuild their family and get their kids back in their life. I saw and heard hope in their eyes and his voice.

Last night, I sat in the presence of someone who spent most of their life in a gang and behind bars. They grew up poor and in the streets and the family, the only protection, the only belonging was the gang.

I saw how Jesus was there as they struggled to verbalize the pain they feel. I saw how Jesus was with them while holding their 7-month-old son, hugged him, loved on him.  I saw someone who is still scared but has hope there may be a different path for them all.

Last night, I sat in the presence of someone who has a father who has never been a father to them, who has never taught them how to have relationship, how to be an adult, how to make good choices.

I saw how Jesus was working as they celebrate 8 months with a steady job and sleeping in a bed instead of a car and a hope of having a son they haven’t known returned to their life. I heard the desire to make better choices, to deal with pain and trauma in a new way. I heard hope.

I am starting a new blog series entitled Letting God Out of the Box sharing my experience with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I assure you my path is different than many and what I am hearing and learning is not the religious journey I grew up with. My decisions, my trauma, my pain, my hope and my faith have led me to a view of God’s love and grace I would have thought heretical only a few years ago. Yet, I believe it is God sharing with me a new vision for my life of what is love looks like, what is grace encompasses and how He is leading me to go on a journey with him that is new, that is a little scary and that will bring me to a peace I have longed for.

Last night, I saw Jesus in a different light. I saw people I had heard about but never wanted to see. They don’t show up on Sunday dressed nice driving a nice car. They are working 2 and 3 jobs just to keep their head above water and that isn’t the worst of it. They have faced brokenness I have never known. They have faced life and death situations that I have been spared from. They have faced an aloneness that is more real than anything I’ve imagined. And, I saw Jesus next to them, wanting to comfort them, wanting to give them hope, wanting to offer a hug and an “I love you more than you can know”.  It wasn’t a mountaintop experience, but a raw and deeply meaningful experience. It left a clear and distinct impression that Jesus was in that room, sharing space with pain and suffering and trauma and in the midst of all of that, His love was evident and pouring out onto each hurting person.

I am ready to let God out of the box I kept Him in for so many years and maybe give others some hope or something to think about as they wrestle with who God is and where they fit with Him.