God.  Father.

Daddy.  Papa.

I am comfortable addressing God as the first two names/concepts.  I struggle with addressing God as the latter two.  I used to think it was my upbringing, my faith tradition, doctrine.  Whatever, I thought I wasn’t comfortable with it because of something I was taught.

Recently, I have started to see the difference not as teaching but as experience.  I think of Daddy and Papa as terms of affection.  Terms I would use for someone who loves me in a fun way, hurts with me in a personal way, celebrates me out loud.  That’s not my experience with God.

Maybe it’s my fault.  Maybe I’m not approaching God appropriately.  I use the terms God and Father with great respect and with love.  I believe God gave his son for my eternal life and if that isn’t love, what is?  I believe he loves me but I don’t feel that close affection I feel with my own dad.  My life hasn’t been one where I experienced God is giddy ways but certainly in protective ways.

Papa goes out and plays catch with me, wrestles with me, builds model airplanes with me.  Daddy takes me hunting and holds me close when I’m hurting.

God loves me.  He provides for me.  He has given me the most important thing in a life to come.  He isn’t touchy-feely and I’m not sure he has much concern for my comfort and safety in this world.  I love God, fear God, respect God but I don’t feel affection from God.

I hope I’m the odd one.  I hope others experience God in ways I can’t imagine and that one day, I will too.  In the meantime, I pray to the God I know to help me, to provide for me, to give me favor.  I hope he will but I still see him as providing for my eternal life, not my present life.  It’s a struggle I have internally.  One I want to figure out and get answers to one day.

Grace and peace.