NOTE: This was originally written several months ago but I thought I would share this memory of Christmas past.

Yes, Christmas 2017 is already past and Christmas 2018 is a long way off but an event this past December still weighs heavily on my mind.  I was in Fort Worth at a local Mexican food restaurant to buy tamales for our Christmas day lunch.  It was a cold, dreary day.  I remember the temperature being 37 degrees as I drove away from the restaurant with a cold rain falling.  I remember this because of the man under the tree.

As I was walking in to buy my tamales I saw a man sitting under a tree on the side of the building.  He was sitting on a retaining wall with a walker in front of him.  He was speaking to someone else going by as I went inside.  I assumed he was waiting on someone inside and hoped they were on the way out because it was cold and the rain was starting to pick up.  As I left the restaurant, I saw a woman giving him something from the bakery and assumed it was his companion.  It was then I realized she was getting in the car with someone else and driving off as the man sat there and ate.  As I walked by him, he asked if I had any change.  I told him I didn’t have any at the moment and his reply still rings in my ears.  “Merry Christmas to you.”  He said it with sincerity and hope.  He said it in a way that brought tears to my eyes and almost stopped me in my tracks.

Merry Christmas to me?  I was about to get in my nice truck and turn on the seat heaters.  I was about to drive to Costco to meet my daughter and buy a lot more food for our big weekend with family coming over to eat and exchange gifts in our warm, comfortable house.  Merry Christmas to me?

I did have cash in the truck and walked back to him and gave him $15 then offered a broken “Merry Christmas” to him.  Then I was off in my truck, seat heaters keeping my butt toasty warm as he sat on a wall, in the rain, and the temperature registering 37 degrees on my truck screen.

I cried.  I cried almost all of the way to Costco.  I kept thinking I should turn around, give him the tamales, get some cash out of the ATM and give it to him.  The only thing that stopped me was the question, “then what?”  Could I have taken him somewhere to get him out of the rain and cold?  Did he have a place to stay, any people that cared about him?

It’s a question that still haunts me.  As the days have gotten colder, as the temperature has gone below freezing, I wonder where the man with the walker is, where he is sheltering from the cold and drizzle.  Is he surviving this weather?

I have spent time and money trying to help the homeless and learned it was a bigger job than I could manage on my own.  It takes a lot of resources to help those who have nothing.  It takes a lot of patience, love, mercy and compassion.  I am thankful for places like CitySquare (www.citysquare.org) and Presbyterian Night Shelter (www.journeyhome.org) and others who make it happen.  Yet, the man who wished me Merry Christmas haunts me as I want to do more, help more, come up with better answers.

Until then, he and others like him will be on my mind and will get help from me from time to time.  Until then, Merry Christmas.

Grace and peace.

#time4change #lovemore