Author Archives: Seeking Peace

And then there’s the new day…

30 Tuesday Apr 2013

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Darkness before the dawn?  Rain before the sunshine?  Storm before the calm?

I’m in a place in life I don’t understand and I don’t particularly care for.  At least in my way of thinking.  Today, I keep wondering what God is thinking.  His ways are not my ways.  His thoughts are not my thoughts.  I was reading Jesus Calling (thank you Sarah Young!) this morning and this sentence is hanging with me, “The secret of being thankful is learning to see everything from My perspective.”  Seeing things thorough God’s perspective is a gift I haven’t mastered yet.  I can look back and see it but seeing it in the here and now is difficult.  I told a friend the other day I wish God would hand me the script so I would know the ending and then I would patiently wait.  Of course, that’s probably not true either.

As I sit here today, trying to understand God’s perspective, I try to remember that He didn’t give me a journey of living in the Middle East, He didn’t give me the journey of a crippling disease, He didn’t give me the journey of being imprisoned, He didn’t give me a lot of journeys that seem so hard.  On the other hand, He is giving me a journey of waiting and wondering.  How long?  Will I be able to meet the obligations, financial and otherwise, I told people I would meet?  Today, waiting and wondering is my journey.  And I will be thankful this day.  That doesn’t mean I won’t miss some of the good things He has put in my life or that I won’t feel loneliness or sadness.  It just means in those times today, I will try to stop and see it from God’s perspective and try to understand what He wants me to see and feel and know today.

I share my scariest thoughts here but it is good for me to release them.  Today, I want to release those scary thoughts into God’s hands and see what He wants to do with them and with me.

Grace and peace.

It’s a Struggle

29 Monday Apr 2013

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This weekend has been a hard few days.  Physically.  Emotionally.  I feel alone.  I read Psalms 13 a few times this weeknd and it resonated.  Then I read it in the Message version and it jumped off the pages at me.

Long enough, God.  You’ve ignored me long enough.  I’ve looked at the back of your head long enough.  Long enough I’ve carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain.  Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me.  Take a good look at me, God, my God, I want to look life in the eye, So no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face.  I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms – I’m celebrating your rescue.  I’m singing at the top of my lungs, I’m so full of answered prayers.

I don’t know David’s full intent when writing this but I can see my life in it.  I am ready to look life in the eye, to see God’s purpose for my coming days, to stop the people who speak negatively about me.  I hear their words and they sting.  Not so much that the words hurt but who they are being said to and what damage that is causing.  I want to celebrate.  I want to show people what happens when you put your full faith in God, how He rescues, how He saves.

But today, I simply join David in crying out “Long enough, Lord, long enough.”

Grace and peace.

Monday Thoughts

22 Monday Apr 2013

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I’m going in different directions today and so is my blog.

I have to finish my Practicum today to complete my Masters program.  It’s tough.  My mind is bouncing off walls.  I’m so close.  Please, Lord, get me through the finish line early today.

Wolf Blitzer, on CNN, asked the stupidest question today.  Did the two men who set off the bombs in Boston have licenses for their guns?  No Wolf, criminals don’t follow the laws!  They don’t go register their guns.  It’s why gun control won’t work!  The bad guys get the guns in illegal ways.  And, if they can’t get guns, they will build bombs or find other devious ways to do what they are going to do.  Criminals don’t follow the rules!  I think the guy may be going senile too.  He asked the same questions 2 and 3 times in an interview this morning.  Wow.

Two friends on Facebook posted scripture from 1 Peter 5 yesterday.  I think it was more than coincidence and it certainly speaks to me in the place I’m in right now.  10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  I hope restoration is coming and coming soon.  I’m getting in a tight spot and it is scary.

Oh God, hear my pleas.  Hear my cries to you.

Grace and peace.

A Bad Week

20 Saturday Apr 2013

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Last week was tough.  Hard.  Bad.  Boston, MA and West, TX were the highlights of a week of bad news, death, tragedy and pain.  The question “why?” keeps coming to the forefront of my mind.  I know I will not get an answer anytime soon and don’t need one.

As I write this, I’m listening to Fox News and their reporters certainly want to get to the bottom of the how, why and who of the two men suspected of setting the bombs off in Boston.  (Note: I am not a Fox News fan.)  Supposedly they are Russian.  Maybe they are Muslim.  Whatever they are or were, they both had hearts turned against a loving God and likely had wounds that drove them to do such disastrous things.

As I think on this the thought of how bad so many hate “radical Muslims”, call them terrorists and think they deserve the harshest response they get.  It leads to so many questions for me.  How do those people respond to “radical Christians” and the tyranny they bring to killing and hating those they oppose?  Why are people who come into the country and kill Americans with bombs terrorists but crazy folks who walk into a theater or school with a gun not terrorists?

Our society is bad about putting layers or priorities to the bad things that happen in our world and happen to us.  So is the church.

I look forward to the day I treat everyone as a child of God, scarred by the world, sinful and broken.  In these times, I pray I treat them equally and love them equally.  I am not saying discipline is not a response, only that I want to be careful to treat those who hurt me with the same measure God would require.

“Do to others as you would have them do to you” applies in the good times and the bad times.  It’s not always easy though.

Grace and peace.

The Day The Wheels Come Off

19 Friday Apr 2013

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Many of us know the feeling of the day the wheels came off.  When things seemed to be going good, or at least OK, and then control was lost and the crash came.  I remember the day the wheels came off and my life hasn’t been the same since.  In fact, it seems the vehicle I’m riding in is still careening and slamming into hard objects as I slide out of control.

Times are tough.  I’m trusting God but the answers are coming slowly and I wonder just how bad it’s going to get.  I’ve read the story of Job and wonder if I’m not on the same track.  I’m not anywhere as righteous as Job either.

I am blessed with good friends and would not trade for that.  They lift me up and offer words of encouragement.  I am not blessed with a large bank account and that is what scares me.  When you go through the “emergency account” things change.  I know.

Oh Lord, I pray your my current status is not your answer.  I pray there is something around the corner that will reverse this place I’m in and that you will provide for me so that I may provide for those I love the most.  Hear my plea, Lord.

Grace and peace.

Boston

17 Wednesday Apr 2013

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What makes people do what they do?  Senseless violence in Boston during the Boston Marathon.  Three innocent people killed.  Why?

I was at lunch when I saw the first report about the bombs going off in Boston.  I was enjoying a nice lunch with a friend.  A peaceful, sunny day.  People around talking business.  Laughing.  Eating with a toddler.

Thousands of miles away, people where killed, injured, scared, confused, enraged.

My conflict resolution training teaches me to search for the interests, the underlying reasons that make people do what they do.  I’m not sure I would care to know what makes a person set off a bomb killing innocent people.  I’m not sure I could look at them as a child of God were I in the same room.  Had it been my daughter or son that was killed, I shutter to think what might happen if I was within 20 feet of that person.

I hope I would be the picture of Christ-likeness.  I wouldn’t place any bets on it but it’s something to hope for.

I hurt for those who are hurt and for those who have lost innocent loved ones.  I have compassion for them.  I would be willing to do anything needed for them.

I hurt for the people who have hearts hardened so much that they would kill innocent people but I’m not sure how far my compassion would extend to them for what has driven them to this action.

I pray for everyone affected by the tragedy in Boston.  God, give them peace and comfort and hope.

Grace and peace.

Silence

16 Tuesday Apr 2013

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My friends know that when they don’t hear from me, something is wrong.  Not in the sense that something bad has happened to me physically but that I am emotionally and/or spiritually unraveling.  I like silence but usually am not silent with my closest friends for long.  Silence for more than a couple of days sends up red flags to those people.  It’s not good.

It makes me wonder what happens when God is silent.  Does that indicate things are not good?  I ask because I’m not hearing anything from God right now.  He may be screaming at me but for some reason I’m hearing nothing.  Zero.  Nada.  Zilch.

I need to hear something.  I’m terrified right now.  God is silent and my emotions are way out on the edge.  I’m blowing up at nothing, at people I love, at anything that moves.  I’m battling through it and I’m forcing myself to reach out to some folks right now, seeking prayers from some and advice from others and both from a few.

I pray I hear God’s voice soon.  Or see a sign.  I just want to know He remembers me.

Grace and peace.

A Borrowed Post

12 Friday Apr 2013

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Thanks to Joey Cope for sharing this blog post on his Facebook page.  I’m borrowing it for today’s post…

I’m one who is evaluating how I life my life and represent myself as a Christ-follower.  I certainly am not where I think I should be or what God is calling me to but I feel like I am on the journey.  I know my thoughts don’t agree with my of my friends thoughts on what it means to follow Christ, what we are called to, what we should and should not be doing.  I hope they always know I speak my mind with how I think it applies to me and they can take it or leave it.  I just need to be able to say things out loud sometimes.

I wonder what I would be doing today if Jesus was physically walking the earth, hanging out in and around Decatur, Texas.  Would I be writing a blog post?  Would I be calling someone to fix my swimming pool?  Would I be scheduling which Texas Rangers game I was going to?  Would I spend my money differently?  I believe I’m called to live radically different from the world but afraid too often I live like the world.  It’s part of the inner conflict that I battle daily.

The following post puts words to some thoughts I have.  I’m glad to be able to link it here and will read it over in the days to come.

http://forthright.net/2013/04/11/the-elephant-in-the-auditorium/

Grace and peace.