Author Archives: Seeking Peace

I’m So Confused

10 Wednesday Apr 2013

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I’ve seen some blog/social media posts that leave me confused by their conflicting messages.  First was the message to always be knocking on doors to find the one God will open.  The opposing post said that sometimes God wants us to kick the door down and get through it.  So how do I know when to knock and when to kick?  What happens if I kick a door down I was supposed to knock on.  The second was a message to be on my knees in prayer, asking God for direction and wisdom.  The opposing post said God answers prayers when I am out serving him.  So when am I supposed to be on my knees and when am I supposed to be out serving to receive answer to prayers.

Here’s the deal as far as I see it.  Opinions are just like, well, there are a lot of opinions out there.  The opinions I am most skeptical of are the opinions offered without request and these include the opinions that sound great on social media boards.  How often are people who are diligently searching for God confused because they don’t know if they should be on their knees knocking or on their feet kicking?

If someone were to ask me, I’d say I serve God when in motion and listen to God when I’m still.  How often do you find yourself hearing what others are saying when you are active or busy?  I can tell you I need to be still to really listen, to focus, to hear deeply.  And that is how I want when I am in the presence of God, to listen and hear Him deep in my being.

I guess I need to be more careful when sharing words of wisdom on Facebook or Twitter.  It could be that the wisdom I share is confusing as that hot place we talk about to the next person.

I don’t want to be confused when it comes to hearing God’s message and seeking His will.

Grace and peace.

Baseball, Golf and Guns

09 Tuesday Apr 2013

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That sums up my weekend.  A pretty good weekend for a father and son; watching him play baseball Friday night, playing a round of golf Saturday, and taking on a trap shooting course on Sunday.  All fun stuff but nothing compares to just being in his presence.

God blessed me with two wonderful kids.  A daughter who amazes me with her laser focus.  I’ll never forget the moment I first held her and she wrapped her tiny fingers around one of mine.  It was a life-changing moment.  She has grown up way too fast and I miss her.  Cell phones and texting and social media help me stay more connected than generations past but it’s not the same as hearing her voice, getting a hug and talking.  And there’s my son.  A special young man with a sweet, gentle, kind heart.  I’ve got a little more time with him and I cherish the moments.  My days with him are too fleeting so I long for each day I get and hate when they are over and love every moment I have with him in between.

My children, like all others, are gifts from heaven.  I thank God for the beauty, the joy, the challenges, the differences and the love I see and feel in both of my kids.  I wish I could go get my girl out of school and take a shopping day like we did in years gone by.  What I would give to relive those days, to hang on just a little bit longer.  And what I would give to have more days with my son but they keep going by way too fast.  So, a weekend of baseball, golf and guns is a weekend I treasure today and will treasure in days to come when I look back and remember.

I love my kids.

Grace and peace.

I Wish I Was…

08 Monday Apr 2013

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“People are often unreasonable and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.  If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.  If you are honest, people may cheat you.  Be honest anyway.  If you find happiness, people may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.  The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good.  Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.  Give your best anyway.  For you see, in the end it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.”
– Attributed to Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I wish I was always mindful of these words.  Too often, I find my identity in what others think.  Too often, my actions are based on fear of how I think others see me or judge me.  Too often, I think the way the world thinks, or encourages me to think, instead of listening for God’s wisdom.

I am on a journey that has a lot of bumps in the road, many twists and turns and obstacles that tempt me to change course.  Just yesterday, while thinking things were going my way, something negative happens and it challenges me to put a damper on how I see everything.

Today is a new day with many challenges.  I wish I knew I would see them all for what they are and keep moving forward.  Maybe I will.  If I can simply remind this journey is between God and me I will keep moving forward, maybe slower at times, but always forward.

I remember the story of Job and it reminds me that endurance and perseverance are not without wounds and losses.  This world is hard.  I’m ready for the next but know I must keep going, persevering, until the end.  There is a reward waiting AND there are good things along the journey.  My focus and my heart have much to do with how I see the journey and accept it’s joys and it’s challenges.

I wish I was able to see it all as Mother Teresa writes.  Maybe I will soon.

Grace and peace.

An Old Post Remembered

02 Tuesday Apr 2013

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Bug Guts is one of my most memorable posts from my old blog.  It was written around an anniversary that was and remains a hard day for me.  When I wrote it, I was looking for a way to minimize the pain and the story that popped into my head not only failed to minimize the pain, it made me appreciate it for what it was.  I have re-posted it before in memory of that anniversary but I’m posting the link to it now because it’s on my mind for various reasons and I wanted to read it again and remember the story God gave me in a storm.

http://wayoutwise.blogspot.com/2010/09/bug-guts.html

Grace and peace.

I’ll Go There

29 Friday Mar 2013

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As I write this, the Supreme Court is still talking about the rights of homosexuals to marry.  Yes, I’m going there today.

First, I am opposed to homosexual marriage.  I believe in the Biblical context of marriage between a man and a woman.  Said another way, I use the Bible as my sole guide for marriage and who is represented in marriage.

While some may think me simpleminded for my belief, I will still take my stand based on my understanding of God’s word.  On the other hand, it is also God’s word that gives me pause in the ways I see many proclaimed Christians handling the matter.  Those claiming to represent Christ might back off their often loud, heated, rude and agitating statements about homosexuals and gay marriage.  In one Facebook thread I was reading, I saw one young man representing Christianity labeling several detractors as “morons.” I’m trying to remember when Jesus took that approach.

Instead of battling against gay marriage, what if Christ-followers engage in showing the love of Jesus in our words and our actions.  Granted, there is a time to share consequences of decisions but when people hear more about the consequences without the presence of love and relationship, the words of condemnation ring hollow.

Yesterday, I posted about fear of rejection and vulnerability.  When I am fearing rejection, I typically do not want to listen to more rejection.  I need love.  I need to be built up in relationship.  I need to feel strength and courage being poured into me.  I cannot help but wonder if some people on the other side of this argument feel the same way.

When people are looking for acceptance, the rejection and “going to hell” messages of (hopefully) well-intentioned people do not show love, do not build up.  Tell me about “tough love” and I’ll tell you about rationalization.  I cannot help but wonder how effective the story of the loving father would be had he simply shown “tough love”.

I struggle with understanding the love and acceptance of Christ for myself.  I am guessing that there are many on the other side of this debate that share that struggle with me.  If I, and others, could fully understand the depth and breadth of Christ’s love I wonder if my failings in giving into temptation and sin would end.  If I can show the guy on the other side of the issue true acceptance in Christ, does he become more open to reading the Gospel message, of Christ’s teaching, in a different light than he sees it now?

I say all this thinking about some friends I have, people I love dearly, who identify themselves as homosexuals.  I love them fiercely and would go toe to toe with anyone threatening them or condemning them.  That’s God’s decision to make.  However, they know what I believe about Christ’s teaching about our actions AND they know I love them.  If they choose to marry someone of the same sex, they will know that I don’t agree with that choice but that my love for them, through Christ and because of Christ, will never waiver.  They may be hurt that I don’t agree with their actions and it may even damage the relationship but it will not be because my love for them has changed

For far too long, I have believed that Christians abdicated their responsibility to the government and are now reaping what they have sown.  I hope Christ-followers begin to act in a way that shows our battle is not against a Supreme Court ruling but against a spiritual battle that swirls around us.  Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against dark forces that we cannot clearly see until we are fully engaged in a dark fight with and from damaging choices.

I wonder if there is any room to doubt the significance of this case being on the forefront of our national news at the same time Christendom is celebrating the death of the old life and the birth of a new life.  Is it a sign of where my focus needs to be; on a court ruling or on the risen Savior?

Grace and peace.

Dikembe Mutombo

28 Thursday Mar 2013

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Dikembe is collecting some dough doing a GEICO commercial where he goes around blocking, or rejecting, several “shots” saying “not in my house!”  It was something he was good at in his NBA years.

Rejection is a part of life  Some people handle it well.  I don’t.  As I wrote my blog that posted yesterday I couldn’t help but think how the words sound great, how Christ is pouring into me, yet rejection – even the fear of it – hurts so much.  What has happened to me that causes me to fear rejection so badly?  What causes me to let someone get close and then to swat them away and say “not in my house!”  The following was on a friends site the other day…

The spirit of Rejection will change your personality. It will put up walls to keep you from being vulnerable. It will create a world of defense mechanisms so you don’t run the risk of being rejected ever again. This fear of being vulnerable caused by the Rejection will destroy your body because it takes your peace and puts the focus on self-protection instead of trust in God and being love to other people.

The solution is to accept that you are accepted in love by God and therefore even if man rejects you or hurts you, you are not rejected. You are accepted regardless of your circumstances because God said so. Let’s ask God to help us see ourselves through His eyes of love so we can reject Rejection and be who we truly were created to be!

I share love with lots of people.  I am transparent and very vulnerable with lots of people.  I will share the pain of my heart, I will be compassionate, I will love them and the fear of vulnerability does not exist at that level.

There is a love for my fellow man that I give freely and I accept freely and I am not afraid of negative consequences.  And there is another love, the love of a special someone, the love of someone I would come to rely on in the most intimate and vulnerable settings, that I am not willing to share or open up to the pain that could come from it.

Three people that I have loved and trusted have ripped at my heart and left deep, gaping wounds in recent years.  Wounds take time to heal and mine seem like they heal slowly.  Getting older has only seemed to exasperate the healing process.  I think some people get impatient with me.  Others have given up that I will ever heal.  Maybe it’s that I am too patient…or, a better way of saying it, I am comfortable with the walls that protect my heart from another rejection.

Christ healed Paul’s wounds relatively quickly.  I have no doubt He can do it when and where He feels it most appropriate.  Paul had a very important mission and a calling that left little time for slow healing.  I wonder what my situation is.  Has Jesus called me to a quicker healing and I wouldn’t accept it?  Or, is He allowing my wounds to heal slowly while preparing me for the next step?

I do believe in His power to heal.  I do believe in His power to pour into me the way He poured into Paul.

I just wish I knew the timing.

Grace and peace.

Emphasis His

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. – 1 Timothy 1:12-14 (Emphasis mine)

As I read the words of Paul, I am often thinking about how his words connect with me, how I connect with his sin.  As I read these words recently, I focused on what Paul states Jesus has done in his life, all that Jesus has poured into him (Paul).  It’s easy for me to be introspective about my faults but I do not focus enough on looking at what Jesus has and is doing inside of me.  As I emphasize the words of Paul’s writing in this section of scripture, it becomes more obvious to see the emphasis Christ puts on, and in, me.

Grace and peace.

Rob & Hillary

25 Monday Mar 2013

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I am not surprised Hillary Clinton has come out in full support of gay marriage.  I might only be surprised that it has taken her so long to do it.  

On the other hand, I was surprised to hear Rob Bell come out in support of gay marriage.  I realize he has been controversial about some things that are certainly left up in the air in the Bible.  I just did not think he would go forward promoting gay marriage.

Slippery slopes and all that aside, I do wonder how far the debate will go on what is acceptable in our country and in our churches between two people who profess to love each other.  

I am often perplexed how people can promote the elimination of inanimate, amoral objects and promote the acceptance of spiritually morale issues with equal ferocity.  

I recently got into a debate with someone on what was an acceptable magazine size for guns.  He said six.  I said 15 at a minimum, unlimited at best.  I asked my friend if he had ever been hunting when several feral hogs rushed him.  He responded know so I asked him how many bullets he thought he would need to kill 4 feral hogs in an open field that were pursuing him.  He responded that he did not see himself in that position.  So I pressed, asking if he had friends who hunted or friends of friends or could even imagine someone hunting and running into that situation.  His response was that it probably did not happen often enough that anyone would need a large capacity clip.  I left him with my appreciation that he could imagine all the situation where his decision would or would not affect someone.  My argument is not about clip size or whether guns or right or wrong.  My argument is that a gun not in the hands of a person never hurts anyone so the focus on banning guns or reducing clip size does not resolve the problem.  Gun are amoral.

Back to Hillary and Rob.  They are treading on moral ground and making a stand that many believe is in contrast with God’s desire.  It is a dangerous path we walk when we attempt to speak for God and state what is right or wrong.  I have done it myself, recently, in conversation with a friend about what I thought a church was doing in contrast to God’s teaching.  

What’s my point.  Honestly, I am not sure yet other than to say we argue over a lot of things that are small problems in the face of some VERY BIG problems our nation and our world faces.  

How many people die each day from starvation?  Homelessness?  Poverty?

How many people kill themselves daily due to lack of hope?  love?  belonging?

How many babies are aborted each day because of fear?  money?  love?  hope?

What if Rob and Hillary started campaigning for things that made a big difference every day?  What if?

Grace and peace.

The Quandary

22 Friday Mar 2013

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I want to say something and I am afraid to say it.

I am just a few weeks away from graduating with a Masters in Conflict Resolution and there are some conflicts I still do not want to engage in.  It causes me to start running through a mental checklist of whether I am avoiding the conflict because I am afraid or avoiding it because now is not the time to engage.  Or maybe I am accommodating a relationship by giving in to what I think will sustain relationship with another party rather than risk changing the relationship.

I am in a quandary.  I have been here before.  I am sure I will be here in the future.  I like to know all the possibilities of an action before I take it.  Heck, I usually want to know the answer before I ask the question.

I don’t know the answer right now.

What a way to start the weekend.

On a bright note, it’s the start of March Madness and Opening Day is just weeks away. At least I have something to focus on while trying to answer the question before I ask it.

Grace and peace.