Author Archives: Seeking Peace

Paul and Me

18 Monday Mar 2013

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I’m sure it would have been cool to hang out with the Beatles.  Or the Rolling Stones.  Motley Crue.  Willie.  Mumford and Sons.  You get the idea.  How often I thought it would be fun to hang out with the rich and famous and live their lifestyle for awhile.

Maybe I’m on the verge of crazy but…

I wish I could hang out with Paul.  Paul who was Saul.  Paul who was jailed and beaten.  Paul who had unusual strength.  Paul who may have been more famous in his time than any of those listed above.

I’ve recently reconnected with a friend who encourages me in my blogging.  When we used to see each other more, my life was very different.  It looked good on the outside and I hid the blemishes well.  (Blemishes is a pretty way of saying catastrophic failings.)  Now, the “blemishes” are better known and have been exposed.  I want to reconnect with him, share things I have learned and how it is shaping me and soak up what I can from what he has learned from his journey.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Paul and me.  I can’t really fathom what Paul went through but when I read his writings, I feel connected and I think it is one piece of scripture that I read that gives me the feeling we are linked.  Maybe I see myself worse than I am.  Maybe I see myself just as I am.  Whatever, if he asks where I see myself now, I would reference Paul’s first letter to Timothy, the first chapter and verses 12-17.

Paul says he is the worst of sinners.  Maybe, but I sure think I can give him a run for his money.  Sure, he may have stoned some people and had others put to death physically.  I think I have done that to people emotionally, or God forbid, spiritually.  I connect with Paul when he says he is the worst but that isn’t why I love this passage of his writing.  It’s the rest of the story because it gives me great hope.  So often I am mired in my past.  Jesus is fixated on today…and what He is calling me to in the days to come.  Paul knew that.  I want to know it too.  I want to live in it, revel in it, reap joy in abundance in the knowledge of God’s grace and mercy and love.

It’s a journey; a journey I hope to travel with my buddy Paul, walking in the footsteps of my Savior.

Grace and peace.

Here’s part of Paul’s letter from The Message (emphasis mine).

15-19 Here’s a word you can take to heart and depend on: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I’m proof—Public Sinner Number One—of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off—evidence of his endless patience—to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever.

Deep honor and bright glory
to the King of All Time—
One God, Immortal, Invisible,
ever and always. Oh, yes!

Full Circle

15 Friday Mar 2013

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Depending on how things go today I may come back and explain the title a little more.  In the meantime it’s a reminder for me how crazy life can be at times.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
© Abbey of Gethsemani

I appreciate so much of what Merton has to say in his writings.  His ability to communicate continually reminds me of a desire to move to a monastery and live the life of a monk.  The peace of consistency.  The joy of silence.  The time to think and write.  I just wonder if the beds are comfortable and the food is good.  I digress.

I don’t know what this day will bring but it could be a game-changer.

God, you’ve got this, right?  I’m trusting you this day.

Grace and peace.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I always like The Clash song asking should I stay or should I go?  It’s a question I have had so many times in various situations.  I feel like I’m in one now.  Do I stay the course I’m on, attempting to do the things I want to do or do I go towards a more conservative course, one where my dreams may get squeezed, my hopes blanketed?

It’s not an easy question.  Of course, I have many people willing to weigh in and I appreciate their thoughts but they are sometimes just as confusing.  One friend yesterday advocated one thing that takes the wind out of my sails but makes fiscal sense.  Another friend advocated pursuing my dreams, trusting that the risk is worth the reward…buy a little scary.

In the meantime, I feel like my life is momentarily on hold.  Maybe that isn’t a bad thing but it is frustrating at times.  There are things I want to do, things I want to say and I hesitate because of fear that my present situation may work against me.  Fear stinks.

On the other hand, the fear is just one side of the coin with the other being hope.  Hope for what I can almost visualize.  Hope for what may be.  Hope for better days and dreams fulfilled.

I still await the booming voice from the mountaintop telling me I am on the right path…or where the right path can be found.  Waiting…waiting…waiting.  No booming voice.

Today, I carry on towards the dream.  Tomorrow, I share time with my precious daughter.  Friday, I look into a more conservative, seemingly responsible solution.  Saturday, more time with my daughter and, I am sure, much reflection of what today and Friday bring to my mind and my heart.

God, in case it works for you, I’d love to hear a booming voice on Saturday.

Grace and peace.

Lessons from Gus

11 Monday Mar 2013

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Last week, I was fortunate to be a participant in Abilene Christian University’s Conference on Peace.  I was able to share some things I have learned about peacemaking and heard several stories from some people doing great things to bring peace in the world.  One of the things I shared was one of the many lessons I learn from my dog, Gus.

One of the truths about peace is that it comes through conflict.  Big surprise, right?  As I listened to stories about conflict, I was struck by how it affects relationships.  And this is where my story about Gus came into the mix and generated several comments afterwards.

Gus is a great dog, friendly and sweet.  He’s is easy to love and pet.  He’s also a puppy, prone to tear up, chew up and dig up.  He gets in trouble and gets in trouble now and again.  Yet one thing is consistent with Gus.  He is always ready to roll over and let you pet his tummy.  When Gus does this, he is very vulnerable.  He could easily be trapped, struck, stepped on or held down and yet he does it over and over.

Gus and I have a good relationship.  I generally talk nicely to him and pet him a fair amount.  I also ignore him at times, pressing on to what is important in my world.  There are times I give him a harsh word for getting in my way.  And there are times he gets a spanking because he has done something I don’t like.  My relationship with Gus sounds like a lot of relationships I have been in but there is a difference in Gus and me.  Gus continues to roll over and be vulnerable hoping to get petted.  I have learned to hide my vulnerability.  Gus is willing to risk the pain of being ignored or hurt.  Me, not so much.  I am so afraid of the pain that I will miss the joy of being petted.

I have had my fair share of conflict in relationships and the pain that comes with it; pain that has been heaped on me and pain that I have caused others.  Gus sees people with the hope of being petted and I see people with the fear of pain.  Gus is willing to throw himself out there, I withdraw.  Gus looks for good things to happen, I calculate how much damage may occur.

This is what conflict does to people and how past conflict shapes the future.  Some people get through the conflict and move into a state of peace and are willing to be vulnerable again.  Others go through conflict and begin to see every step of the future as more conflict.  And relationships suffer.  Or never get off the ground.

I hope I will move to a place in my life where I am more like a dog, hoping and trusting that putting myself out there to get petted will get me petted more and not getting trapped in what happens when it doesn’t work out.  I hope I will choose to be more vulnerable.  There are conversations I want to have that I am afraid to start right now.  There are relationships I would like explore but I am afraid to risk the fear of failure right now.

I hope the day comes when I can enjoy relationships the way Gus does: full of hope, willing to be vulnerable and always open to try again.

Grace and peace.

How Do I Say It?

06 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I’m thankful for great times with great friends.  It was one of those nights of great company, great food and great conversation.  We were talking about my predicament in life…no job, no current prospect, no income and no defining job role that I am seeking.  Not a great combination for success I suppose.

People ask me “what do you want to do?”  Well, tonight I figured out there’s an easy answer but I’m not sure how to say it where others will understand.

I want to show others the overwhelming love of Jesus.

I don’t know what kind of job that looks like, I don’t know what it pays, I don’t know where the office is…lots of I don’t knows.  I just know thats what I want to do.

Today I saw two stories on the morning news.  The Dow would likely break a record high was the first story.  By the end of the day, the record was broken and I’m guessing someone was breaking open some champagne.  The second story was that 51,000 people would be homeless and sleeping on the streets of New York tonight and ONE-HALF of those are CHILDREN.  (How many more in Chicago, Miami, Los Angeles, Houston, Denver, Dallas, Atlanta, etc.?)

What story do you think continued to make the news cycles today?  Yeah, the homeless were quickly forgotten because our 401k’s are a little better off, the rich just got a little richer and life is good.

Hey, I’m guilty too!  I want a Mercedes S550.  Yes, it’s $110,000 to buy one.  I want to landscape my backyard and change the configuration of the pool.  I want to travel.  I want, I want, I want.

But I also want to show people the love of Jesus.  In fact, I want that more than the other stuff.  I want what will last and will change generations.  I want the wealthy to make more money AND give more money away because they have experienced the love of Jesus.  I want the homeless to get off the streets because someone showed them the love of Jesus AND provided a way for them to get off the street.  I want the young lady walking into the abortion center to experience the love of Jesus AND let her baby have life because someone showed her the love of Jesus.  I want the drug users to put down the pipe or the needle because someone showed them the love of Jesus.  I want the murderer to put down the gun, to cherish life and to show others what they have learned about the love of Jesus.

Oh Lord, I pray I reflect you.  I pray I show others the love the Jesus, my Redeemer and Savior.

Grace and peace.

A Letter to Mom

02 Saturday Mar 2013

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Here’s an email I sent to my mother yesterday about my life and how God is working in it.  I refer to the book Jesus Calling but I was remiss in not also mentioning several good people who are speaking hope and faith into me consistently.

I’m convinced this book was written for me.  It’s amazing how the days of the book track what is going on in my life. 

February 29 is the bonus page I guess and here is what it said that speaks to me in volume…

You are on the right path.  Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts.  I am leading you along the way I designed just for you.  Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking.  But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone.  Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others.  I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, moment by moment.  As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me.
This hasn’t been a journey I would have chosen to go as it has but I can look back and see the places where God is working in my heart and in my head to prepare me for something that is ahead.  I am learning to live in today, embrace it, and trust God will provide for me tomorrow.  He may provide little or He may provide in abundance.  The Israelites were told to gather manna for today and if they gathered more than they needed, the manna was filled with maggots and spoiled. 

God knows my heart.  The good and the pure places.  The hard and the dark places.  I believe He is working in both so He can use me for greater things in the kingdom work on earth.  I truly believe reading this book daily and praying much more than usual is what has not only kept me sane, but led me to some of the greatest peace I have ever known. 

It’s a strange journey.  He’s a strange God.  I must be in the right place.

Grace and peace.

Sometimes

01 Friday Mar 2013

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Sometimes things hit me right when I need it.

Sometimes I get to spend time in the presence of my children.  It’s awesome.

Sometimes I read something that hits me between the eyes and goes straight to my heart.  I have mentioned I’m reading Jesus Calling and as I looked at my desk calendar edition, here was yesterday’s message…

Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority, sometimes a mixture of both.  I lead each of my children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her.  Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only source of real affirmation is my unconditional love.  Many believers perceive me as an unpleasable judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in my garments of salvation.  This is how I see you: radiant in my robe of righteousness.  When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust, it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with me throughout all eternity.  Immerse yourself in my loving presence.  Be receptive to my affirmation, which flows continuously from the throne of grace.

Sometimes I believe it.  Sometimes I don’t.  Here’s to pray and hope that I will believe it more and more.

And that my sometimes will become all-the-times.

Grace and peace.

What If?

27 Wednesday Feb 2013

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What if all Christians spent as much money on fighting poverty as we do fighting for gun control?

What if all Christians worked together to find the talents and abilities of immigrants as we do trying to build a fence to keep people out?

What if all churches were required to give 50% of their contributions to ministry efforts to maintain their tax free status?

What if the National Day or Prayer was something all Christians participated in regardless of what the President does?  Or believes?

What if all Christians sent the same amount to charity as what they spent on the Starbucks they are walking in the church building with?

What if all Christians prayed with their children multiple times a day instead of complaining the government doesn’t support vocal prayer in schools?

What is all Christians spent as much time reading the Bible in their families as they do going to movies, playing sports and sending their children off in the care of the youth pastor/minister?

What if our legislators were required to work for the minimum wage they voted for?

What if business leaders agreed to a salary no higher than a certain percentage above their lowest paid workers?  And provided good benefits?

Just some “what-if’s?” that step on my toes.

Grace and peace.

Random Chatter

26 Tuesday Feb 2013

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It’s a random day.  A day at Starbucks to write a paper but the paper isn’t getting written.  A phone call that went long.  A conversation with a new friend.  Two young, giggly girls behind me that I tried to tune out but only seemed to get louder.  A email request that took some time and thought to respond to.  One of those days. 

Thought 1: I have been doing the Advocare Can You 24? Workout semi-regularly for 3 weeks.  I like it.  I call it P90X lite for people who haven’t heard of it.  It’s a great workout program for someone like me who needs to start slow and build steam.  I’m progressing from the beginner level to the intermediate and feeling new soreness in old muscles.  I love it.  I didn’t want to do it today but so glad I did. 

Thought 2: I was invited to come speak at a seminar on Peace at ACU next week.  I’m a fill-in for someone on the board of the organization that is putting on the event.  I’m stoked and appreciative that they would ask me to participate in something so important to the Conflict Resolution department and to ACU.  I’m at work mentally on my presentation.  I have to work talks out in my head before I can start putting them on paper to fine tune.  I wonder if there’s a better way.

Thought 3: I was supposed to go eat dinner with a friend tonight at my favorite restaurant.  The dinner got put on hold so I’m trying to decide if I’m going to go eat there on my own since it’s on my brain.  I’m way too hungry way too early in the day. 

Thought 4: I just read a blog on where our identity comes from.  I can’t help but wonder if I’m not in my present situation because my identity is still in earthly things.  One of the hardest things I deal with right now is not having a job, a title, that tells me and others who I am.  I tell others they are children of God, made in His image.  Once again, it’s easier for me to sell it than buy it. 

Thought 5: I’ve had 3 conversations in the past week with 3 different friends that were illuminating.  Surprising, odd, challenging.  In that order.  It makes me wonder what the next 3 conversations with the next 3 people will be like.

Thought 6: I always wonder about the people who walk into Starbucks.  What’s their story?  Why are they here?  Are the things I assume about them true or false?  Do they all wonder the same things about me?

Thought 7: I’m praying about a particular job.  It would throw me in the middle of a hard ministry.  The position may not get approved.  I may not be the right person for the job.  it may not pay enough.  It may require me to move earlier than I would like.  Lots of things could interfere or create a barrier.  Yet, I continue to pray because I believe it is a job that my heart would be fully invested in.  As well as my identity as a child of the King.  That excites me.

Thought 8: How many random thoughts can a person have in one blog post?

Grace and peace.

A Break From The Regular

25 Monday Feb 2013

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Here’s a video I saw today that I thought was great to share.  I’m fascinated by leadership that challenges the norm and that puts character ahead of competence.  I’ve taught similar ideas in the workplace without being able to encapsulate the concept to a simply phrase, “character ahead of competence.”

This is Dr. Nathan Mellor speaking at a TEDx event at the University of Oklahoma.  I hope you enjoy the way I did.

http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Listen-Up-Corporate-America-Les#.URumB33RoKY.facebook

Grace and peace.