Author Archives: Seeking Peace

The Gratefulness Project

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

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I’ve been on the theme of gratefulness lately because I believe it is important, something that I struggle with and a trait I want to exhibit more of for the rest of my days.  I think of gratefulness as a project in my life because a project is something that usually takes some time, has progress and setbacks and gives a sense of accomplishment when milestones are reached.  For me, living in gratefulness is a project.  As much as I want to be grateful overnight and never change, I wake up worrying about a multitude of things and the leading worry usually has something to do with finances.  All that worry and God continues to give me manna for the day.

I have been blessed.  God has given me time to deal with some intense pain that I haven’t dealt with in a long time.  God has given me time to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually.  He has provided work and income.  He has surrounded me with special friends who have spoke powerful words deep inside of me.

So much to be grateful for and I wake up worrying.  Silly, right?  It’s why I call it a project.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with thanksgiving for what I have.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the thought that God is at work to secure what I need for the days ahead.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the knowledge that my future in Him and with Him is secure.

My gratefulness project starts anew today.  Thank you Lord for providing for me and putting up with me.

Grace and peace.

Peacemaking

25 Friday Jan 2013

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I am sitting in Abilene, Texas today enjoying a beautiful West Texas sunrise and wondering how we got from the upper-70’s to the low-40’s with wind so quickly.

I’m here as part of my goal to become a peacemaker.  I enrolled in the Master of Arts in Conflict Resolution program and I’m almost to the finish line.  I love it.  For so long I have never been at peace but had the gift of helping other people reach peace.  I didn’t understand some of the why’s behind that until enrolling in this course.

I’m an introvert.  Many peacemakers (mediators, counselors, etc.) are introverts.  They enjoy building a relationship with just a few people and really diving deep.  I used to avoid conflict at all costs or simply accommodate the other person to get past the conflict and save the relationship.  Many peacemakers are avoiders/accommodators but desire to help others find resolution.  (Note: as I’ve taken this course and learned tools for better conflict resolution, my style is changing.  I still don’t like conflict but I’m learning to work in it better and be more assertive in finding the better answer that benefits and helps all parties.)

I could go to some others character and personality traits but I said what I did for me and I understand the rest well enough.  What I understand most is that I want to help others find peace in the midst of conflict.  I love this program and I pray that God is paving the way for me to serve Him as a peacemaker the remainder of my days.

More to come on peacemaking…

Grace and peace.

You Are Allies

22 Tuesday Jan 2013

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Yesterday was a holiday recognizing Martin Luther King, Jr.  He is a man I wish I had known and is one of those individuals I would invite to a dinner party if I could.  I’d love to hear more wisdom and dreams from him.  I would hope we would be allies.

The idea of “allies” came around after talking to someone who shared what a marriage counselor once told he and his wife.  They were struggling with their marriage at the time and the counselor looked at them and said, “you need to understand that you are not enemies, you are allies.”  His direct comment made them change the way they saw each other without even realizing what had happened at first.  They came to understand that they were allies in a battle against the force that wanted to destroy their marriage.  They were allies in fighting for something instead of letting something tear them apart.  Allies.  Engaged in battle.  Together.

I’m thankful for the allies who have helped me fight through tough times.  And, I realize my tough times are a walk in the park compared to what some people go through but they are the tough times that I know so I appreciate the people who battle with me.

Thank you God for good friends, for brothers and sisters who hold on to you while they are holding on to me.

Grace and peace.

Look Around. It’s Out There.

19 Saturday Jan 2013

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When I look around, I can point out reasons I can be grateful.  I see Bart, Dennis, Jason, a couple of David’s, Kristen, Amy, Rick, Jacob…people who have spoke so many wonderful things into my mind and my heart.

While I was thinking about gratefulness last night, I thought about people I’d never met that I am grateful for, people who have contributed to me in some way even though they weren’t doing something specifically for me.

Sarah Young may be the most recent.  She wrote a book titled “Jesus Calling” and I have heard about it for some time but never cracked it open, even after owning it for several months.  Now, after following it almost daily this year, I try to understand why so many people enjoy a book written directly to me and my heart.  Wow.  Thanks Sarah.

I thought about the proverbial “10 people you would invite to a dinner party” thing and that got me thinking more.  First, I’d invite my two kids because a) they mean the world to me and b) I want them to hear from a few incredible people too.  Next, I think I’d invite Michael Hyatt (@MichaelHyatt and http://www.michaelhyatt.com).  I’ve never met him but he continues to influence my thoughts, ideas and desires about being a better communicator because he is a very good communicator and, he has the desire to help others communicate.  I would want to learn a few more things from him then hear how he communicates messages from the other at the party.  Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.  Men of peace.  Oh, how I long for peace and desire to be a peacemaker for others.  I want to hear about their dreams, the failures, what they’ve learned and what else they wish they could have accomplished.  The next five get tough.  There are a couple of preacher/pastor types I might invite.  There are a couple of friends I might invite.  If you know me, you know Nolan Ryan is probably going to be there to talk a little baseball.  I would also consider some unpopular choices.  Maybe a radical Muslim cleric who could try to explain why some people do the things they do.  There may be no point in arguing but, wow, what we could possibly learn to use to stem the tide of violence.  Ronald Reagan might get an invite.  Frances Chan would certainly be considered.

I digress.  The point is that I am grateful for the people who help me intentionally and the people who put themselves out there to help others they may never know.  They are admirable in their desire and effort.

Grace and peace.

Moving Past “Sorta’ Grateful”

18 Friday Jan 2013

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I believe it is important, no, imperative to be grateful for what God has given me.  But it ain’t easy being grateful.  Bills are coming due.  Some are already late.  I’m cutting back.  And then cutting back some more.  But, I still want to enjoy time with my kids going out to eat, going to movies, doing fun stuff.  Spending the money scares me because bills are coming due.  I have a mortgage that won’t get paid by reselling aluminum cans.  A kid in college.  Two kids driving cars, needing gas and insurance.

Today I read Psalm 118.  Give thanks to the Lord.  His love endures forever.  I read Philippians 4 too.  Don’t be anxious but ask the Lord for anything.

Oh God, I don’t need riches.  I only need follow you.  I only need to seek your desires for me.  But, I do have these things I like, these things I’m comfortable with, these things I feel like I need to provide my children, these things I want to do too.  I lay it at your feet Lord.  I have walked into so many fires Lord and you have led me out of them.  Sure, there are wounds that still hurt and there are scars but I chose to walk into the fire and you still pulled me out of it.  Lord, remind me that you have provided more than I can understand and that you will continue to provide.  I know it may not be the way I see it or imagine it Lord so I pray with boldness that you do more than I can possibly imagine.  Lord, forgive me when my gratefulness wavers.  It’s a fault and one I want to work on.  I want a heart of thanksgiving and joy for simply being your child and whatever comes with that this day.  I don’t want to be sorta’ grateful, God.  I want to be abounding in gratefulness and thanksgiving.  Thank you for your patience as I work to get there.  Heal my wounds.  Cover my scars.  Open my eyes to avoid the next fire.  Open my heart to all that you can pour into it.  Cover me in peace.  Amen.

Grace and peace to you.

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Lance & Grace

16 Wednesday Jan 2013

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I hear Lance Armstrong is coming clean.  OK, who hasn’t heard about it unless they’ve been living in a cave?  This guy has done everything he could to deny the accusations that he was doping while competing in bicycle races.  Supposedly, he has threatened people, sued people, lied about people and who knows what else.  Armstrong is going to be analyzed, re-analyzed, psycho-analyzed and everything else you can think of.  Questions will be asked over and over why he did it and there will be so many reasons and ideas offered up by a lot of people who do not know the guy.  He will be cast as an evil person full of lies.  He will have more advice offered on how to live his life and more contempt showered on him than 1,000 people should have to endure.

Lance has all these problems and I look at this life and his lies and think “I’ve done so much more wrong, so much more evil, so much more hurtful acts” than Lance Armstrong could ever do.  Wow, what would happen if I had to go on Oprah and answer questions?  What if God gave her a list of questions to ask?  YIKES!

I hope Lance will come to know grace.  I don’t know what his thoughts on God are but I pray that Christ-followers will remember the grace that has been extended to them and will “forgive as God forgave you” (Colossians 3).

Grace is a beautiful thing.  It’s hard for me to accept but I still see the beauty in it.  I hope Lance Armstrong is overwhelmed with grace.  Not that he will have the bans removed or get anything back from what has been taken away, but that he can move forward and use his life story to move forward and help others.  Grace is a beautiful thing.

Grace and peace.

The Art of Gratefulness

14 Monday Jan 2013

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Last week was a journey though some valleys and trips to the mountain top.  I listened to some heart wrenching stories and shared some of my own.  I could and did take a lot away from the trip about how to see life but one that is circulating in my head is gratefulness.  But, it wasn’t until after the week was over that it clicked.

On the way home Friday night, I got a call about a job opportunity I was really, really excited about.  I thought it was a great position to use many of my skills and gifts I haven’t been able to use in a previous job and would incorporate my training in conflict resolution nicely.  The call was to say no.  It was very nice and very affirming in the message was conveyed but it was still no.  And, it was at the end of that call, while contemplating driving off a bridge (yes, I said that for dramatic effect) that I realized how grateful I should be.

During the week, I received 3 calls from people wanting me to talk to them about some potential consulting work.  Consulting work doesn’t offer security.  It doesn’t offer benefits.  The calls don’t even mean I’ll get any money out of the conversation.  And while I wrestled with these calls and how they will affect to be child support and tuition and the house payment and fuel and food and bills, I thought it was funny that I have wanted to be a consultant since I was 25 years old.  Now that I’m older, the idea is still great as long as I have the security of a job?

I need to be grateful that I have the security of God providing for me.  Yes, I had made the connections that landed me all of these opportunities but I believe without a doubt that God is opening the door for these things to happen.  I didn’t call a single company, they called me because people I know have told them about me.

I call it the art of gratefulness because being grateful isn’t an intellectual exercise but an act of the heart.  It’s something I am working on because my heart is so often overcome with my fears.  I hope today is a new day for me in being grateful for what I am blessed with and that my gratefulness will begin to overcome my fears.

I like the story in 1 Kings 17 and would sure like to know when the Lord is communicating with me more clearly.  Sometimes I wonder who’s voice I am hearing, God’s or my own or the voice of another who seeks to bring me down.  In the end, I simply want to do God’s will, accept what He gives me and learn to be grateful in all that I say and do.  I want to be a “grateful artist”, someone painting a beautiful picture or making touching music so that others will see God through me.

Grace and peace.

Foreigner and Terry

08 Tuesday Jan 2013

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I got addicted to The Voice this year and enjoyed every minute of it.  One of my favorite singers was a young man named Terry who sang several rock classics.  One of those classics was “I Want To Know What Love Is” by Foreigner.  It was a song I really liked way back and when and Terry did a great job of performing it again.  And it resonated more with me than ever before.

I want to know what love is.

I know I have had people who have loved me in my lifetime but so often the love was conditional.  It was based on something other than unconditional love for who I am and that shaped how I see love today.  It shaped how I accept love.  And give love.

I want to know what love is.

The forming, the molding of how I view what love is started early and was based on conditions of my actions, my words, my productivity.  Today, I struggle to believe God can love me and if I struggle with that, how in the world can I believe a human being could ever love me.  That they can or have is secondary to whether I believe they can.  In the song, there is line that says, “In my life I’ve seen heartache and pain, I don’t know if I can face it again.”  In the next lines he expresses that he has moved forward and can’t stop now.  I, on the other hand, still can.

I want to know what love is.

I believe I have had one person, maybe two, who wanted to give me unconditional love but in my life, I’ve seen heartache and pain and I don’t know if I can face it again.  I believe God wants to give unconditional love to every person I come in contact with.  Every person other than me.  I realize I have allowed the concept of love to be shaped by people and not by God.  I just don’t know how to undo it.  So, when someone did want to try and love me unconditionally, I stopped them because I knew I would stumble, my performance would falter, I would make a mistake and I don’t want to feel the heartache and pain.  So I move on.

I want to know what love is.

I know the loneliness of not letting anyone love me.  I know the loneliness of not letting myself love another.  I live it…and I don’t know how to undo it.

I want to know what love is.

One thing I have is hope.  Hope that I’ll open my heart to love.  Hope that I’ll let go of the heartache and pain I’ve known and that I’ve inflicted.  Hope that I will walk with God knowing His love.  Hope that I’ll walk with other people knowing they can and will love me.  Today it’s only hope.  I’ll see what tomorrow brings.

I want to know what love is.

Grace and peace.

Surely

07 Monday Jan 2013

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Surely the Lord is in this place.

I am in Abilene, Texas to attend a week of classes for my Masters program at Abilene Christian University.  I love this place.  I got settled in my room and went for a walk around campus.  It was an interesting walk with me pleading with God to straighten out my employment status and lead me to transform my heart status (spiritual, not physical) I also begin to feel His presence.  As I approached the statue of Jacob’s Ladder, I felt it even more and I began to pray that one day, sooner or later, that I’ll be a part of this school and campus in some way.  I love being around students.  I love being around people who are striving to grow.  I love being in this place where I feel God’s presence.

I’m not over the struggles I wrote about Saturday.  In fact, they are still very real and very painful but I appreciate the time I had today, the time where I asked God to cover me in His presence and He did.  I hope I keep on feeling it, all week, every day, every minute.  In the meantime, I will keep reminding myself that God is in this place even when I was not aware of Him.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2028&version=NIV

Grace and peace.