Merry New Year!

03 Monday Jan 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in 2011, ha, it's all about me

If you like “Trading Places” as much as I do, you’ll know the reference to the title for my post today.
It’s 2011, the second year the Rangers will make it to the World Series and the first time they win.
I’ve never been great at making predictions. I hope 2011 changes for me.
On December 1st, I wrote that my plan was to shut this blog down at the end of the month. Well, here it is January 3rd and another post is up. Go figure. I started the blog to chronicle a journey I have been traveling and when I started, no one knew all that was going on within me and around me. Today, more people know my story, know me and my failings, know the tragedy and heartache and have a better idea from where the words have sprung. I started this blog as my journal, only for me. I guess I realized other people might find it but I never have written for other people. It’s not about what others should be doing to bring themselves into a closer walk with God, it’s all from me and for me. When I re-read postings, they are words to myself and no one else…at least in my mind. Yet, since I wrote those words on December 1st, I have been shocked (there is no other word) by the responses I have received about my blog, about the words written for me that helped someone else, about the pain, about the joy, about the suffering, about the healing that has been a part of my journey that also resonates with others. To those who suggested I keep writing, you bless me. You remind me of what God wants me to be reminded of; relationships and community. You remind me that we are all more similar than different, that we all struggle and fall and that for those willing to admit the truth, we are there to help pick each other up, brush each other off and love each other without condition. God reminds me of things He wants me to know through you.
So, here I go. My blog posts won’t change in that they will still be written to me, to my lows and to my highs, about the valleys I walk through and the mountain tops I am astounded by. It’s by me and for me, as always, but I also hope that God will continue to use it for anyone else who might benefit from it.

Grace and peace to you.

The Valley of The Unknown

31 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in covenant prayer, John Wesley, New Year

≈ 1 Comment

Happy birthday to me! Nope, it’s not today but I’ve got a great bunch of friends who have supported by effort to raise $500 for Charity:Water during this birthday month. Not only did they help me reach my goal – they doubled it! $1,004 is going to Charity:Water to dig water wells and provide clean drinking water for people who are literally dying for it. I’m pumped and can’t thank those who participated enough.

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In a few hours we will send out 2010 and step into 2011. For some of us, 2010 won’t be missed but, unfortunately, we cannot run away from the hurts and pains this year brought our way. Not only that, we are going into the unknown. Who knows what 2011 will be? Are we usually hopeful for a better year? Yes, of course. Then again, I was hopeful for 2010 to be a great year…and it wasn’t.

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Here are my 2011 resolutions:
1. Write better. I go back and re-read some of my blogs and crack up where I can tell I combined two thoughts into one sentence without taking grammar into consideration. We’ll see how it goes.
2. To make no more resolutions. I’m not sure I can resolve to not resolve but I’m done making plans, goals and resolutions in a life I have little, if any, control of. I just want God to open my eyes to what He places in front of me and seize the opportunities He gives me. I want to live in His plans which will be far superior to mine.

Please don’t think I’m advocating that for everyone…it’s for me. I’m not going to workout or eat better or read more and be kinder just because I said it’s something I want to do on January 1st. Heck, I’ve been wanting to do all that for years and where is “wanting to” getting me? I either will or I won’t but I don’t want to get bogged down in all that; only in what God has in store for me.

I want to share John Wesley’s Covenant Prayer with you again. I posted it on September 21 and I’m trying again to speak it with conviction each morning. I leave it with you as a thought for how to live out 2011. Wesley’s Covenant Prayer

Happy New Year and may it be filled with grace and peace for you.

The Valley of Death

29 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in fear, journey, Psalm 23

≈ 2 Comments

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me. Psalm 23:4

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Good words to live by. I wonder why I often choose not to. I live in fear at times. Fear of doing the wrong thing/saying the wrong thing/disappointing someone/hurting someone/being hurt/of what I can imagine that may never happen/the unknown/things I know but cannot change. I could go on.

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A friend reminded me today that scripture says I am walking through it, not camping in it. Oh, I suppose I can choose to camp there and maybe that changes the dynamics of things. However, if I choose to walk it out, to walk through the valley, God is there with me. It may be scary and ugly and all sorts of things but I don’t have to fear the bad if God is there.

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It’s a good idea but one I haven’t yet grasped, one I don’t yet live by. I trust, though, that if I will continue to draw near to God, if I will continue to run into His arms that I will learn to walk without fear.

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Grace and peace to you.
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More Pruning

28 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in pruning

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On Christmas Eve, I was talking to my dad outside the house and he began talking about a flower bed that’s in the middle of the yard. He was telling me how the plants quit growing and even though they watered more, it didn’t help because so much stuff had built up around the plant’s roots. When they pulled all the mulch and bark and other stuff out of the bed and cut the plants down dramatically did the plants began accepting water and growing.

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I couldn’t help but be reminded that is how life is for most of us. At some point, we have to be cut down and have all the stuff pulled out from around us because we aren’t accepting what can help us grow. We have to be pruned so we can grow and blossom more brilliantly. It’s not a new lesson but one that was good to be reminded of.

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Grace and peace to you.
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2010 On The Way Out

27 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in More Than A Sinner

≈ 1 Comment

2010 is winding down and in another weak I’ll be messing up checks by writing the wrong year. I’m ready for ’10 to be over and done with. Going into 2011 doesn’t undo anything that happened in the past year, it’s just the idea that new things will come in a new year and I pray that much of it is creates positive moments in my life and in the life of the people who are close to me and the people I have shared too much pain with in this year.

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I got these excerpts from John Eldredge…
You are not your sin; sin is no longer the truest thing about the man who has come into union with Jesus. Your heart is good. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you” (Ezek. 36:26). The Big Lie in the church today is that you are nothing more than “a sinner saved by grace.” You are a lot more than that. You are a new creation in Christ. The New Testament calls you a saint, a holy one, a son of God.The real you is on the side of God against the false self. Knowing this makes all the difference in the world. The man who wants to live valiantly will lose heart quickly if he believes that his heart is nothing but sin. Why fight?

These words remind me of things some dear friends have told me but that I have trouble accepting for myself. I hope 2011 will bring more understanding and belief that I am loved as I am…warts and all.

Grace and peace to you.

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Merry Christmas!

25 Saturday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

My hope today is that families will find joy in being together and that the hurting will find peace, that the hope that came through Jesus will be known by everyone one day and that love will reign on earth.

Grace and peace to you.

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Christmas Eve 2010

24 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in Christmas, hope

≈ 1 Comment

Today is an anticipatory day. Santa is on his way. Tomorrow most of us will wake up with toys or underwear or a new iron and stockings full of candy to tide us over between desserts. Today is the last shot to get out there and grab something for a parent or spouse and maybe catch a last minute markdown. Or, in my case, a few lottery tickets because I lack imagination and gambling is ok on Christmas. I remember watching Harold Taft tracking Santa on the ten o’clock news. I remember going to bed and not wanting to sleep waiting on Santa to drop by and my parents waking me up to see the cool stuff. I remember the excitement of my own children in their early Christmases and the knowing smiles of Santa’s identity while saying nothing as they got older.

Christmas has come to mean many things over the years and that changes again this year for me. Challenges of a new life paradigm and challenge of typing a blog post on my iPad for the first time. That said, today remains anticipatory of the hope tomorrow brings because the day is about the hope that entered the world in the flesh, the hope embodied by the Christ.

I hope as Christmas day approaches that all the folks who want to keep Christ in Christmas will keep Christ in their life, their words and their actions each and everyday. I hope that the world will come to know the peace we can have because of what these days represent.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope that you will be reminded of hope regardless of the situation you find yourself in this Christmas.

Grace and peace to you.

Thankfulness – Part 2

23 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in gift, giving, thankfulness

≈ 1 Comment

It’s the season of gift giving and gift receiving. Some gifts are outrageously good, some outrageously hideous. Some gifts are expensive and rare, some inexpensive and personal. Some gifts require little thought, others bathed in love. Whatever the gift, it requires a giver and a receiver.

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When I was a kid, I was perfectly acceptable to getting as many gifts as possible. I accepted them freely and with great joy. Gifts big and small, expensive and free…I took the approach of bring one, bring all. Something has changed though. Now, I would rather not receive any gifts. Oh, I’ll still take them but I would be just about as happy without a gift as with a gift. I credit that to something that has followed me for many years, the feeling of not being worthy of receiving gifts. Or, the feeling that whatever is given to me needs to be returned with something just as valuable, if not more. This year is no different than several past. I received a gift from a friend that was far more valuable than what I could give in return and I’m still not sure I’m going to be able to simply accept it. I don’t feel worthy of such a gift because I can’t do anything to match it.

Thankfulness – Part 1

22 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in Christmas, thankfulness

≈ 1 Comment

What does a person do when they have eternity to be thankful for but a day coming up at the end of the week that they are dreading profusely? What does a person do when they can’t see past the pain they know is coming even though they are surrounded by people who love them? How do you help someone be thankful for all that they have when there is a depth of pain that is immense for what they don’t have?

I have joined a group of people who dread Christmas. For years, especially the last 16, Christmas morning has been something I looked forward to. This year, I would prefer to be oblivious to it’s existence because it is not as it has been, not as I have come to expect, not as I dream it would remain. The enormity of my pain as I think about that day is working to block out all that is good in my life. It is easier to be sad than to be thankful. It is easier to imagine being alone on that day than sharing it with people. It is easier, but somewhere deep down, I know it isn’t beneficial for me. So, I will join friends in activities on that day hoping to be distracted from the force that wants my heart to hurt and my mind to send a barrage of negative thoughts like a loop that never ends.

I have never been able to understand the pain people face at Christmas until now. And, not that I understand everyone’s pain, but I do have a sense of how pain can occur and how it can shake their foundation. If you are one of those who find this Christmas to be something you dread, I hurt for you. If you are one who still lives in the joy of Christmas, in the joy of the smiles and laughs of children and family, in the joy of remembering that what we are really celebrating is the hope for the future that was brought into the world through the birth of Jesus, relish it and try to share it with your friends who are hurting. Whether they will accept it or not, it helps to know you care and that there remains much to be thankful for whether we all want to believe it right now or not.

I know my words are not adequate for all who are hurting or all who can’t wait for Christmas to be here. I hope, in the absence of my ability to convey the right words, that you will hear the voice of God tell you what He wants you to know…and do…and that thankfulness will rule this season.

Grace and peace to you.

!(&#$(&)$_@#%$_**(#&$

20 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by Seeking Peace in thankfulness

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That’s the feeling when you try to copy and paste something into your blog and can’t get it to format properly.

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Our Bible class yesterday was on the idea of thankfulness. It was a great class because a) the teacher used a funny analogy or two I might try to repeat here, b) it made me think of some thoughts I have long held that I might share here in the coming days that won’t square with the norm and c) it made me realize I’m not really living in thankfulness right now. Oh, I’m thankful for plenty of things but my outlook and demeanor isn’t one of thankfulness. Not right now.

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Grace and peace to you.
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