Author Archives: Seeking Peace

Bang, Bang

17 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by in bird hunting, Brennan Manning, dogs, God's love, quail

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I had the opportunity to go bird hunting this week and thoroughly enjoyed my time in the field.  I wished we would have seen more birds and that the wind wasn’t blowing so hard but we can always hope for perfect days, can’t we?  It was good to work behind dogs again, to hear the rise of a covey of quail and to see a dog retrieve a downed bird.  Those days remind me of days gone by and places hunted in my past and wonderful memories of dogs and hunting partners, of smart-aleck comments and jibes…of good times gone and good times to come.

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I’m reading a new book about God’s love for me.  It’s great, very helpful in my walk right now and full of stuff I’ll share eventually.  I got hooked on this quote the other day in my reading…
“If we take all the goodness, wisdom and compassion of the best mothers and fathers who have ever lived, they would only be a faint shadow of the love and mercy in the heart of the redeeming God.”  – Brennan Manning

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God loves me so much and yet I have had a hard time accepting it, free and unconditional.  I’m a work in progress but I’m getting glimpses of how God loves me and accepts me as I am, made in His image.  I have a hope for very, very bright days ahead.

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Grace and peace to you.
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Water, Water Everywhere

16 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by in Charity Water

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Sometimes, it’s good when you know the policeman who pulls you over.  Whew.

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My birthday is this month and I’ve been posting information on Facebook about my effort to help Charity:Water (www.charitywater.org) raise $500.  That’s a drop in the bucket for what they are trying to accomplish but a start.  I was able to hear the founder share his story in October as was moved by what he is doing.  He mentioned a fundraising program they started to “give your birthday to charity:water” and I decided to go along.  If you would like to give, go to this link (http://mycharitywater.org/fromwisecounty) and you can donate and they will send you a tax receipt.  And thank you for considering it.  If you can’t give now, please pray that this will continue to be a successful effort and go to their website to read more about what they are doing.

Clean water.  Taken for granted by many.  Needed by so many.

Grace and peace to you.

Fighting Disappointment

15 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by in disappointment, God's love, grace

≈ 1 Comment

An interesting weekend it was.  I spent some time with old friends and the topic of disappointment was prevalent in each conversation…one that was full of pain, another that was full of hope.  Trying to do what people wanted me to do has often left me tired, frustrated, mad and longing for something different while the fear of disappointing them has left me exhausted and often wanting to be isolated.  It’s a fear that has played to my programming that says my performance is what matters and if I don’t perform to expectations, I lose.  I lose their love, friendship, respect, status.  The kicker is, I’ve rolled that over to my relationship with God too.

Looking at myself, the things that disappoint me are things that don’t happen in my image of they way it should be.  The Longhorns football season, the World Series, the girl who wouldn’t go out with me in college, the friend who didn’t go with me when I wanted them to.  Disappointment comes when things don’t match the way I see it and then I cast that on to someone else.  The Longhorns and Rangers didn’t want to lose, the girl had her eyes on someone else she felt was a better match, the friend had another option that was more in line with what he wanted.  When I disappoint someone, it’s not because I did something wrong as much as it is that their desire and expectation is something different than my own.  Yet, when I know I have caused disappointment, the fear and pain of losing my standing with them, of letting them down, of causing pain stays with me.  For days.  For weeks.  For years.

A dear friend told me the other day that God doesn’t get disappointed.  He knows the number of hairs on my head.  He knows me inside and out and better than I know myself.  He has no misconceptions about me, no beliefs about me that aren’t true.  And, even though I don’t always do what His will for me is, He continues to love me and continues to be open to me coming back to His hope and direction for me.  When I choose something that pulls me away from Him, he isn’t disappointed but stable.  My status with God doesn’t drop.  I don’t have to try harder, I don’t have to start over.  He just keeps loving me as I am.

At least that’s what my friend told me.

I’m going to try to begin living in that better.  I’m going to try and quit worrying so much about disappointing people that I push them away.  I’m going to try and start living at peace with my decisions and quit realize that grown ups are grown up and can deal with their own feelings.  I’m going to try and remember that God loves me as I am, not as He imagines me being or as I imagine myself…just as I am.  I’m going to try.

Grace and peace to you.
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The Fork

14 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by in heaven, The Fork

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There are hundreds of variations to this story but they always ring true…

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There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live.  As she was getting her things in order, she contacted her Pastor to discuss aspects of her final wishes.
She told him which songs she wanted sung at her funeral and what scriptures she wanted read and the clothes she wanted to be buried in.  Everything was in order and as the Pastor was preparing to leave, the young woman said “There’s one more thing, one important thing.  I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.” 
The Pastor looked at the young lady not knowing what to say.  Finally, he said “To be honest, I’m a little puzzled by the request.”  The young woman explained, “I have always remembered being at the table for big meals, as the main course was cleared away, someone would lean over and remind me to ‘keep your fork’.  It was my favorite part because I always knew something better was coming whether it was a chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie, something better was coming.  So, when people see me in the casket I want them to wonder ‘what’s the fork for?’ and then I want you to tell them, ‘Keep your fork, the best is yet to come’.”
The Pastor’s eyes were full of tears as he hugged the young lady and said goodbye, knowing it might be the last time he saw her alive.  He also knew she might well have a better grasp of heaven than he did at that moment.
At the funeral, the Pastor smiled as he saw many people look quizzically at the fork or ask someone next to them about it.  During the service, he was able to share the story the young lady told him and saw the knowing look on each face that the young lady had reminded everyone there that the best was yet to come.

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Keep your fork!

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Grace and peace to you.
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Better Late Than Never?

13 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by in blessed, bowl, Cliff Lee, Longhorns

≈ 1 Comment

I started a new post last night but got involved in something else and it was too late to get back to it.  So, now you know another crazy post is coming.  So today is a babbling cacophony of random thoughts.

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What’s up with Tashard Choice getting Michael Vick’s autograph after the game last night?  Vick as a hero?  OK, but after a loss on national TV?  Have some sense, man.
What are the chances Jason Garrett is around next year? 
I predict Cliff Lee will sign with the Yankees today.  It’s time to make a move and his hesitation is coming from the fact that his heart is in Texas and the player’s union is all about big bucks.  Bye Cliff.  It was great having you around and we will miss you.
I’m a positive guy generally but always like to see these things in the negative so I’m not disappointed if it goes that way.
Disappointment.  There’s a topic for discussion. 
Zack Greinke, Matt Garza or James Shields.  They are all a couple of steps down from Lee.  Ouch.
The Texas Longhorns are ranked 25 in the basketball polls.  I’m hoping they do the opposite of last year.  Last year they were ranked #1 for much of the preseason and then couldn’t win a game down the stretch.  Maybe they will end at #1 this year and all these bowl jokes will go away.
A 6th grader sent me a bowl joke making fun of Texas.  Can you believe it?  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Mack’s coaching the team by himself right now. 
I got called a sinner at church yesterday.  Twice. 
The guy did say we were all sinners but I took it very personally.  (written with dripping sarcasm in case he’s reading it)

I had a great weekend.  I met up with some old friends who all spoke some truth I needed to here.  I am so thankful for the way God has put people in my life who build me up in Him.  I am truly, truly blessed.

Grace and peace to you.

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Riding the Whirlwind

10 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by in Uncategorized

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That’s sort of how I feel after this week.

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I remember now why I don’t like Las Vegas.  It’s crowded.  It’s loud.  It’s bright.  It’s noisy.  There is lots of smoke.  Lots of smoke.  I always think I would like to go when I’m not working just to take in some shows and sights I miss when I’m on the go but then I think, if I never go back it will be soon enough.  Our booths looked good, the Cowboy/Country Christmas events were cool to see, the cabbies loved the cowboys being there because they were busy and the rodeo was impressive.  It was good seeing some folks I haven’t seen in awhile and catching up with friends old and new. 

I came back with a massive sinus headache and sore throat.  Lots of meds and some sleep yesterday seemed to help but there is still a way to go to feeling great.  It’s one place where the smoke certainly didn’t help me.  Yuck.

Someone mentioned Christmas is just around the corner.  Can it be?  I’m not prepared. 

I love stories where people have had a problem and something triggered an event that brought them to a place with God where He could work in their hearts.  I just heard one and it’s brightened my day.  I’ve had my own and I believe I have more to come because I see where I have some barriers in my relationship, I’m just not surrendering my will yet.  But I believe I will.

Grace and peace to you.

Let The Good Times Roll

07 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

It’s nearly 2:00 AM in Texas, only midnight in Las Vegas.  I could operate on west coast time much better. 

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Tonight was cool with the exception of my phone shutting down on me so I couldn’t take more pictures.  We had front row tickets at the NFR.  I’m not sure I can go back because I would have to sit with the common folk.  We had a limo bring us back to the hotel.  Talk about rolling in style.  We ate at Wolfgang Puck’s place and it was pretty yummy.  Wolfy wasn’t around but we did sit in between tables with a couple of the NFR cowboys so it was entertaining watching women come by to talk to them wearing stuff that made you wonder if their hotel room didn’t have a mirror because they surely wouldn’t have gone out like that if it did.  But I’m not judging. 

I was reminded today why I enjoy working in the industry I work in and with the people I work with.  I’m thankful for days like this where my eyes are open to the things I have to be thankful for.  I thank God for putting opportunities in front of me that provide happiness and joy.  It’s not always an easy ride but knowing His hand is in it allows me to keep moving forward day-by-day.

Grace and peace to you.

By the time you read this I will have already jumped…

06 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by in Las Vegas, NFR

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on a plane to Las Vegas.  Or I’m going through a body scanner or being patted in all sorts of unmentionable places.  Or still trying to figure out what to take and what to leave behind. 

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Sin City.  I hate it.  It’s loud and crowded and filled with fake lighting.  On the other hand, I’m sure I’ll wager my standard $100 limit at the blackjack table at some point.  I walk away when I lose it or when I’m up $200.  And yes, I have walked away up $200 a couple of times. 

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Packing for a trip like this wears me out.  When you are my size, your clothes take up more space and weigh more.  My extra pair of boots ain’t light either.  Yes, I do have to have 2 pair of boots.  I’ve got my standards.  Then there’s the question of whether I’ll make it to the gym or not, which 2 or 3 of the 60 books I have waiting to be read to take depending on my mood, extra everything just because I can’t run in any store and buy what I need.  Sheesh.  There’s the laptop because I will have to work at some point and a documents I’m in the middle of that need to be read.  What a pain.  All to go somewhere I don’t enjoy but it’s a work trip and I have always wanted to see the NFR so Monday night I will be a-hootin’-and-hollerin’…or maybe just clapping.  There are 4 guys from Decatur performing so that’s cool and 2 of them are our endorsers so that’s even cooler and 1 of them has already won his record breaking 8th All Around Cowboy title so that’s really cool. 

I’ll try to post something while I’m there.  I’ve got a couple of posts I’ve already worked on that I’ve been saving for when the brain was ginning so you might see those or I might have some epiphany while soaring through the skies and have to write all about it. 

I hope to be turning you on to a new blog soon too.  I have a friend who is getting ready to launch in January and I know he’ll have some good things to say.  He has been a close friend of mine and someone who’s thoughts and opinions I value highly.  More on that later.

I’m starting a book that I think will stir some thoughts to share too.  I hope to delve into that in the next few weeks.  OK, off to begin the packing beat-down…

Grace and peace to you.

Third Day, Third Tune

02 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by in brokenness, growth, Never Give Up, Third Day Sound Of Your Voice

≈ 2 Comments

I guess this is song week.  You might have noticed by my Tuesday selection that it was a bit of a wacky day.  The fact is I’ve been coasting the past few months.  My journey over the past few years has been a rollercoaster and I was tired of the ride.  I wanted a smooth ride with no bumps, no pain.  I quit reading while saying I just couldn’t focus.  I quit listening, saying I needed peace.  I was coasting with God, not growing with God.

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I’ve been blessed by some good friends who speak truth to me and their words were getting dangerously close to truth I didn’t want to hear.  I avoided the conversation or said it was something I needed to think about…but I didn’t.  So, I think God put some things in motion in my life that forced me to face truth, another 2X4 to the head.  Monday night and Tuesday were a night and day of brokenness.  Painful brokenness.  Brokenness that God used to bring me back to Him, to get me off the coasting ride and to put me on the ride that is headed closer to Him.  He put a book in front of me last week that I needed to start reading today…and I did.  And, I’ll give him credit for opening my ears to the words of this song today, a song I’ve listened to several times but didn’t LISTEN to what it was saying.  I hope you enjoy.

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Don’t Give Up performed by Third Day


This world just keeps on getting crazier and crazier everyday
You’re so afraid
Sometimes it feels like it’s chasing your sanity away
And you start to break
Let me help you find your way
Don’t give up faith
Don’t give up hope
There’s always something better
Waiting around the corner
Don’t give up now
Please, don’t let go
What can feel like the ending
Could just be the beginning
Don’t give up hope
Your life is spinning like a rocket that’s gone out of control
And you’ve let go
You’re slowly losing your confidence, you’re a wounded soul
But I hope you know
I can help you find your way
Don’t give up faith
Don’t give up hope
There’s always something better
Waiting around the corner
Don’t give up now
Please, don’t let go
What can seem like the ending
Could just be the beginning
Don’t give up hope
Don’t give up hope now
Don’t turn around
Keep on moving
Find your faith
You’ll be doing all right now
Don’t look back
Keep on moving
Find your faith
And you’ll be doing all right now
Don’t look back
Keep on moving
Find your faith
And you’ll be doing all right now
Don’t give up faith
Don’t give up hope
There’s always something better
Waiting around the corner
Don’t give up now
Please, don’t let go
What can seem like the ending
Could just be the beginning

God has something better for me around the corner.  A closer, deeper, more intimate relationship with Him than I have yet experienced.  Along with it, I think He has some new resolve for me too, resolve to quit seeing my relationship with Him the way that I have in the past.  I have allowed myself to accept programming that my performance was never good enough for people close to me…and I cast that same idea on God.  I know intellectually that isn’t the way God works and I believe my next area of growth is learning to believe it in my heart…to believe His feelings for me never waver.  I’ve said it before and I’m ready to say it again, I’ll never trade the pain for where it takes me with God.

Grace and peace to you.

New Day, New Tune

01 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by in heaven, jeremy camp, there will be a day

≈ 2 Comments

I read the 3rd chapter of 2 Peter with anticipation.  I look forward to the Lord’s return and would prefer it be now rather than later.  I am tired of this world.  I’m tired of it’s hurting.  I’m tired of it’s suffering.  It’s not that I can’t find joy here but I like to imagine what waits for me there.

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Today, I heard There Will Be A Day sung by Jeremy Camp and it renewed my desire for His coming.

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I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day. 

 

The past few weeks have brought new challenges to my life, challenges that make me long for what is ahead.  I am challenged to figure out who I am and it has brought some hard, hard moments for me and for people near me.  I may write about some of those in the next 30 days, I may not.  I have a journal where I keep my most raw, most vulnerable comments.  I have a decision to make and I’m not sure where to go with it.  Today, my plan is to shut the blog down at the end of this month and go a different direction and I’m not sure if I want to go out with feel-good theme or with some tough stuff.  There are some who have told me this blog helped them and I am thankful for God giving me the words to do it.  Others may have stopped by just to see the freak show unfold.  I don’t know what the next 30 days will bring…or the days after that.  But I do believe there will be a day and I long for it.

Grace and peace to you.