Author Archives: Seeking Peace

The Police

12 Tuesday May 2015

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Two police officers were shot and killed in small town in Mississippi recently. Police officers in Garland, Texas were under fire by two would-be terrorists a few weeks ago.

I know there are some bad cops.  Bad attitudes, bad thoughts, bad actions.

Yet, when the bullets are flying we want them on the front line.

So, whey a Ferguson, Missouri comes along or a Baltimore, Maryland comes along why are so many so quick to condemn?  These are men and women who walk out of their house each day knowing they may come face-to-face with some bad people, some dangerous people, some people who just don’t care about the life of another person.  I walk out of the house each day wondering if I can sell a few more pair of boots.  I’m not sure my level of stress comes anywhere near the police officer walking out his door.  (Sarcasm intended)

When a kid gets shot in the street I cannot help but wonder why the police officer felt he needed to shoot.  If that cop tells me to put my hands up, they are going high in the air with my palms facing him so he knows I am not a threat.  Sure, I’m not a black kid who may be tired of being profiled but I am smart enough to know that I don’t want someone with a gun mistaking any of my actions.  Really, it doesn’t take someone very smart to figure that out.  If you don’t want to get shot, don’t argue, don’t fight, don’t run, don’t put your hands in your pockets or pull them out without being very clear and very slow about what you are doing.

I don’t know what it is like to grow up in poverty.  I don’t know what it is like to grow up black.  Or Muslim.  I’m sure they all take more crap than I can imagine but, I think it is safe to say, if you don’t want to get shot and killed or beat up and bruised, don’t aggravate a police officer.  Go above and beyond what you need to do to say alive.  Swallow your pride or your pain or whatever it is and live another day.

Bad people, no matter what their occupation, should be punished for doing bad things.  Burning down buildings, stealing, vandalizing…all you do is isolate yourself and kill your opportunity to really have a voice.

No, I don’t have all the answers but I have this one.  If you don’t want to get shot, the best option is to comply and do what the police ask you to do.  The opportunity of a new day has so much more hope than a life cut short.

Grace and peace.

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

01 Friday May 2015

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I don’t understand all the stuff going on in Baltimore.  I don’t understand police officers who treat people the way they treated Freddie Gray.  I don’t understand people who move into the streets vandalizing, stealing and setting people’s property on fire.

I don’t understand what happened in Ferguson.  I don’t know why the cop shot the kid and I don’t know what the kid did that would make the cop decide to pull the trigger.

I don’t understand what it is like to be a black person in America.  I don’t understand what it is to be a person of any color who lives in poverty.  I can’t imagine what it is like to be an immigrant, especially one who will wade a river or hold on to a piece of wood hoping to reach American soil.

I do understand this.  Race relations, immigration problems and struggles between peoples will not cease until there is more of an effort to understand each other and less intent to make comments about the other without the aid of understanding.

Jen Hatmaker wrote a great post about the Baltimore riots.  Find it and read it.

I am amazed how many of my white, southern friends who have so much advice for the people in Baltimore.  I am amazed by the number of people who are so quick to judge the police officers, the men and women on the streets who deal with addicts, murderers and who knows what all on a daily basis and expect them to treat everyone like they were dealing with perfect people.

I do know this.  Advice from people who have no #$%^&*@ clue of what other people are dealing with have little, if any, right to speak up.  That includes me.  I am a fabulous armchair quarterback.  I have all the answers from my little world.  Yet, I have no understanding of what it is like to be a cop dealing with the worst of the worst or a person who has lived in oppression of any kind.

Now that the police officers in Baltimore may be indicted for murder, I don’t know what to expect but doubt it will bring peace.  My guess is it will make for more speculation, more antagonism, more mouthing.  I hope, at some point, there will be a call for more heart, more kindness, more grace.

I can hope, can’t I?

Grace and peace.

The Arm on My Chest

16 Monday Mar 2015

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Anyone who has talked to me, read my posts or heard me pontificate from the soapbox knows I think life is hard.  Ailments, financial strains, aging parents, kids and spiritual warfare dinging our psyche and soul…all tough stuff.  So we are left with our minds to choose what we see in life and where we place our focus.  The tough stuff is.  It just is.  It won’t go away so we decide whether to live in the struggle we can see or the hope we have that reminds each moment is new and filled with possibility to love, laugh and live free.

That brings me to the arm on my chest.  I’m struggling to sleep lately.  I’ve been dealing with illness, with job stress, with kids in town and the balancing act of doing everything that needs to be done.  It would be easy for me to get caught up in all of that, and honestly, I have over the past few days.  Then there’s the sleep issue.  I woke up at 2:30 this morning and never went back to sleep.  Lots of thoughts on my mind and some stomach rumbling and no sleep.  I could look at it is a miserable night but for much of it, there was an arm on my chest.

While I was wanting to go to sleep, I was also feeling thankful that I had an arm draped over me and that arm belonged to a wonderful woman who has brought so much joy and hope and peace into my life.  That arm belonged to a beautiful woman who was sleeping pretty soundly and I was thankful because I knew that meant she was at peace at that moment.  That arm laying across me was a reminder that I am loved.

I laid in bed for the better part of 4 hours with an arm on my chest for a great part of that time and the arm was a reminder that I can choose to see the beauty of life in the midst of the storms.  The arm laying over me gave me a sense of contentment and thankfulness that I appreciate.  I rejoice in the arm on my chest.

Grace and peace.

 

The Hidden Truth About Surfing

22 Sunday Feb 2015

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I don’t know your pain but I understand pain.  I don’t know your path but I know a path that has been full of hurt and disappointment and sadness.

Here is a reality I have come to grasp.  Life sucks.  Really.  Life is an obstacle course with sharp edges and heavy loads and every time it seems the path starts to get easy there is another turn that is full of sharp edges and heavy loads.  That’s just life.

The good news is we choose how to look at the obstacle course.  We can choose to only see the sharp edges and feel the heavy loads and let life wear us down OR we can choose to see life as a journey full of challenges we can overcome.  We get to choose.

I have a burden on my heart for the hurting because I have walked that path too.  I have hurt so bad that I wanted to end the pain and suffering right there and then.  Maybe I was too scared.  Maybe I could still get a glimpse of what life might offer.  For whatever reason, I didn’t take the next step but it didn’t make the pain go away.  I lived with it for years.  It was the pain of never being enough.  It was the pain of feeling like a disappointment.  It was the pain of feeling like I was less than everyone else.  It was that pain and more that has brought me to a place where I have a burden on my heart for those who hear the voices of pain and the voices of giving up and the burden breaks my heart.

I recently heard a story about a lady who wanted to surf but couldn’t.  For 3 hours she tried surfing and never could get up on the board and ride the wave.  Eventually, she found herself sitting on the beach watching.  A surfer came up next to her, looked at her and said, “Dude, you look rough.”  She told him she was trying to surf but couldn’t and asked how he did it.  He told her, “surfing isn’t just riding the wave.  Surfing is 80% work and 20% fun.  We get up at 5:00 to catch the best waves.  We swim against the current over and over to get in a position to catch the best waves.  We sit and sit waiting for the best waves.  And, every now and then, a really good wave comes along.  Surfing is a lot of work and most people miss that.”

Isn’t that life?  I always want to ride the wave but it’s hard to catch it.  Life is full of sharp edges and heavy loads and the only way to ride the wave is to choose to deal with those things that sometimes make us want to quit.

When I was living in my pain all I saw was the battle of swimming against the current with my surfboard in tow.  Now, with the help of good friends who embody the love of Jesus to me, I realize that the work is there so I can ride the wave and enjoy it for a few brief moments.  Then I have to swim back out and catch the next one.

The pain of my life is my story.  I used to see it as my identity.  I am still learning that my pain is not my identity.  I believed I wasn’t good enough.  I believed I wasn’t “right”.  I believed there was no need or place for me.  I let my pain become my identity and it nearly killed me.  That was wrong.  Just wrong.  I am learning that my pain is my story.  It is what I have to share.  It is what I have to help me remember that sometimes I have to swim against the current and I have to sit still wondering what is next…all the while, I am waiting to ride the next wave, even for a brief moment because the waves are exhilarating.  The waves are a rush.  The waves are the easy path, the time of rest, the time of renewal, the time of pure, unfiltered joy.

The wave will die down and then it’s back to my choice.  Do I choose to swim out again or do I choose to give up?

I want people in pain to know that their pain is not their identity.  The pain is a station of life and it is a hard station.  So many people go through pain I simply cannot understand but I do know it is creating a story of life that they have to choose whether to wear or share.  They can hold it in, internalize it, wear it and let it define them or they can choose to share it, to let it out, to set it free, if only for a moment, to release the pain and ride the wave.

Grace and peace.

 

Fifty Shades of Pride

12 Thursday Feb 2015

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My wife makes me want to stand on the top of a mountain and shout “I am the most blessed, most fortunate man alive!”  I have and will continue to refer to her as my VSW (Very Special Woman/Wife) and each day I seem to find new nuggets that reinforce that designation.  She is special in so many ways and I am so proud to be her husband.

Some of our recent conversations are about the book/movie, Fifty Shades of Grey.  She is an opponent of the movie at a spiritual and emotional level and her conviction is what really got me on another high about being married to her.  She believes the movie is a danger, both to the spiritual condition and the emotional condition and how they intersect and affect people’s lives, especially women.  The movie deals with some sexual activity that is not healthy for either party and my VSW has experience dealing with women who have been subjected to this kind of activity.  She has seen the damage it does and, at it’s extremes, what it can lead to.

From all that I am hearing, I question how anyone can condone the movie and condemn Ray Rice.  Abuse is abuse and “consensual sex” doesn’t mean one party isn’t putting themselves in a position of power and manipulation over the other.  And, as we all know, sometimes “no” or the “safe word” doesn’t work like it should.

I am proud of my VSW’s conviction and desire to do what she believes is right.  I admit I have not read the book or seen the movie and do not plan to do either.  I can simply listen to my VSW and believe that it is not a good thing.  I won’t picket or protest or tell anyone they are wrong for reading/seeing Fifty Shades but I will hope and pray that they will all hear the voice of love and condemn anything that causes one to be controlled or abused emotionally and/or physically.  So, #50dollarsnot50shades is something I will support by giving $50 to the organization my VSW thinks best to support the spiritual and emotional health of women.

Grace and peace.

Show Me The Money…

06 Friday Feb 2015

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What a great line Cuba Gooding Jr. delivered in the movie Jerry Maguire.  Show me the money.  I think Americans really grabbed hold of this line because I know very few people who don’t want more of it.

I recently read an article in Forbes Daily that Americans greatest stressor in life is money.  In a survey the Harris Poll conducted with 3,100 people, 72% reported feeling stress about money.  Every 3 out of 4 people you know are feeling stress about their bank accounts.  Shoot, I wake up every morning and see a guy a little stressed about money.

As I think about that, I think about the houses I’ve been to or see lined up in certain areas around me that have to be 3,000 square feet or more, most with pools and firepits with relatively new cars in the driveway.  There’s a lot of people out there with really big mortgages and car payments and they have to make lots of money to keep up.  Then there are those who have racked up so much credit card debt and have nothing to show for it.  Sadly, I know those type of people too well.

There’s lots of money out there, lots of debt out there, lots of homeless people out there and lots of smart people out there.  Doesn’t it seem we should be able to put all of that together and come up with some rules for society that makes life better for everyone?  While I know we cannot legislate morality, let me dream for a minute…

Anyone making more than 7X the average income in their area will either be taxed at 40% on that amount OR will not be taxed at all on that income if given to IRS approved faith based agencies that help the poor among us.

Crazy, I know.

Lenders who charge an interest rate higher than 5% over the prime rate will pay a 75% tax on the income over that amount or will not be taxed on that income if given to IRS approved faith based agencies that help the poor among us.

Crazy, I know.

My daughter tells me I’m crazy all the time.

Any American citizen giving more than 10% of their gross income to IRS approved faith based agencies will not be taxed on the amounts over 10%.

Crazy, I know.

Yes, I know there would have to be regulation on approved agencies.  Yes, I know it isn’t as easy as writing it down in a random blog.  Yes, I know people will try to find loopholes.  I know nothing is easy when it comes to money.

BUT, what if money started flowing to organizations that are striving to help the poor, the beaten down, the mentally unstable…the veterans who have served our country and come back with physical and mental problems I cannot begin to fathom?  What if?

What if?

Grace and peace.

Learning at 50

04 Wednesday Feb 2015

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I turned 50 back in December.  YES!  I know!  I am OLD!  That said, I am old AND I am still learning.  I believe my desire to learn about myself, about technology, about finance and economics, about cattle raising…I believe the desire to keep learning keeps me feeling younger.  Some days I think I’m 25.  Some days 35.  Some days I start to roll out of bed and think I’m 85 but I digress.

Learning about me and how to make me better has to be one of the most exciting things in my life.  Learning about me starts with learning about God and his love and desire for me.  That is both challenging and comforting.  The other thing I’m spending time on right now is the power of the mind.  It is an incredible tool.  I recently hear Dr. Caroline Leaf speak on the power of the mind as the single greatest power we have.  Our ability to choose how we think, what we put in our brain and how we see life.  It is powerful.

I used to poo-poo this idea of positive thinking and still think it is abused in some arenas.  Where I am right now is beginning to understand that I can use my mind to do great things but it takes work.  I still don’t buy in to “name it and claim it” thinking.  Life is tough and stuff keeps coming at me to make it difficult so it requires work on my part to keep my thoughts on the right path.

I’m still learning at 50 and I hope there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t try to keep learning.  I only have 50-60 years left on this earth and I want to make the most of them so I can make an impact on the people around me and to build the kingdom of God as we know it here on this earth.

Grace and peace.

Plum Full Fallacy

07 Wednesday Jan 2015

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I have found myself engaged in lots of “church” talk with people lately.  I am blessed with friends with a wide range of views on lots of topics and “church” is one of them.  I know people who think it’s a complete waste of time, who think it is unnecessary, who view it as a good place to meet people and some who think you better be there every time the doors are open and it’s a good idea to be at least 15 minutes early then.

Several years ago I attended a church that had a “Plum Full Sunday” with the idea of asking people to come to church to fill the seats.  It was a big push and lots of effort was put in to getting butts in pews for one Sunday of the year.  That’s where the fallacy began.

As I think more about church and what it means and should mean, I realize we need to be inviting people to know God.  We need to invite people to meet our Creator and Redeemer, the one who loves perfectly and exemplifies the love we should have for each other.  If we can come to know God and live the life he desires for us then invite people to know the God we know…well, I’m convinced we would not know war or racism or hatred and even our misunderstandings would be resolved quickly.

Our congregational settings are a place where a bunch of people with a bunch of ideas often gather to worship (unless they want a piano and there isn’t one or vice-versa, unless women are involved or vice-versa, unless things are done a certain way or not).  Our congregational meetings, or church as some call it, are flawed because they are run and led by flawed people.

God is not flawed so why would we invite someone to a flawed gathering when we can invite them to a perfect God?

It’s All Over

31 Wednesday Dec 2014

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2014 that is.  Today is the last day of the year.  It’s a day where some are reflecting, some are looking forward and some are just wondering how they will get home tonight.  For me, it’s a little of the first two but I’ll be home tonight so that last question isn’t an issue.

There were lots of changes in 2014 for me.  Some weren’t so great.  Some were AWESOME!  Yes, worthy of capital letters.

As I reflect on 2014, I can easily think about some long days and nights of darkness and remember the pain.  Not just remember, I can still feel it in my gut.  I remember feeling hopeless at times.  I remember being angry with God.  I remember thinking I did not want to go on.  I remember nights with little sleep and a lot of tears.

As I reflect on 2014, I realize how far I moved emotionally.  From pain to joy.  From despair to thanksgiving.  Friends helped me through the dark days and my faith carried me too.  Faith that God had something in store for me.  Faith that life would get better.  Psalms 27:13-14 stuff.  I got a job that brought me hope.  I came home and proposed to an incredible woman.  I got married and went to Colorado and she went flyfishing with me.  How crazy is that?

2014 was a year that taught me two things.  One, life is hard.  Every single day has obstacles and some of them will crush you if allowed to.  Two, thankfulness is a choice requiring action.  There are good things happening in life, some small and some big.  The big ones are easy to figure out so it’s the small ones I have to seek out daily and choose to focus on what is good.

I don’t like the road I had to travel in 2014 but I am thankful for the lessons and thankful for where the road led me.  That is enough.  I remember the darkness and I will let that memory live so I might be able to be a light of hope for others going through darkness.  At the same time, I am thankful for what the light has brought into my life and I  have immense hope for what the future holds.

Grace and peace.

A Tale of Two Birthdays

30 Tuesday Dec 2014

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Today is my birthday.  I know this because I just got an AARP card that reminded me.  How thoughtful of them!

I woke up this morning in my own bed.  In my house (well, the one the bank and I are buying).  I woke up next to my wife.  I am in a place where I am close to people I love and who love me.  I am so thankful for the blessings this morning brought me.

Last year I woke up in a small bed set up in a barn.  The floor was dirty and the shower was small.  I went to work in an environment that wasn’t exactly friendly at that point and I was separated from everyone I knew.

I have been on a journey for several years now that has led me through some dark and painful places, through some periods of great hope, through lessons about myself and lessons about others.  The contrast of my birthday last year and this year simply highlights what the journey has been like for me.

I have learned that I am strong emotionally.  I have been on my knees in tears and screaming out to God but always got up and moved forward taking on whatever came my way the best I could.

I have learned what friendship means.  One of my dearest brothers drove 3 hours just to have dinner with me.  Other close friends called me regularly to check on me.  Others texted and sent emails.  I knew people cared and that carried me far.

I have learned what loneliness feels like.  I thought I liked to be alone.  I have learned I need some space at times to think, process and regroup but I do not want to be alone.  It’s one thing to live alone knowing with a phone call it is likely I can meet someone to eat or grab coffee and another thing to live alone and not know anyone within a 3 hour drive.  I have much more sympathy for people who are lonely and hope I will continue to learn how to minister to them.

I have learned that thankfulness is a choice.  I learned how to be thankful when I was in an emotionally and spiritually challenging place and I have learned to really appreciate what I have during the normal course of life.  Choosing thankfulness allows me to see the world and the people in it very differently and it changes my mindset minute by minute to focus on positive thoughts.

I have learned that 50 isn’t near as old as it seemed just a few years ago.  Life flies by in an instant.  I wish there was a way to share that with people but it seems so many, like me, only learn it when so many years have gone by.  I hope I cherish my next 50 years much more than I have the past 50.

On this birthday, my 50th, I am full of thankfulness.  Full of hope.  Full of joy.  Full of amazement.  I thank the good Lord for all he has done and is doing in my life.

Grace and peace.