I attended the Round Rock Church of Christ on Sunday and “Wow!” it was a period of WORSHIP.  Yes, that is worship in big capital letters.  A great worship leader and an awesome message about Christ’s kingship made for a great morning and lingering thoughts for what I can do to be a better child of God.

I believe there is a big difference in “going to church” and “going to worship” and I’m guilty, for far too long, of going to church.  I may spend some more time exploring the semantics of the two terms later but for now I will simply leave it with you to contemplate.  I will say that for years, I’ve been guilty of going to church and not truly worshiping in truth and spirit (another term I want to explore).  As I have gone through a period that has led me to a growing, more real relationship with God I seek to worship him through song, through emotions, through a heart for His glory.

I believe the worship leader sets the tone for the worship service and the believer in Round Rock were led by a clear and obvious passion for God and I was thankful to be a part of it.  It was a reminder, even an eye-opener to what worship can and should be.

Grace and peace to you.
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There are some people we can talk to who really help us dig through the gunk and find the answers.  I have a friend like that and I think he really helped get me going in the right direction; not that all is right with the world type thinking but one of those aha moments that sure helps sort through the obstacles I have been facing.  The next few days will tell the tale.

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I did hear this gem today – “expectations are simply premeditated disappointments.”  Brilliant!

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The Texas Longhorns beat Iowa State to advance in the Big 12 tournament.  Now they face Baylor and we all know it’s hard to beat a team 3 times in a row.  That bodes well for Texas.

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I wish I could be in Surprise, AZ to watch the Rangers at spring training.  Maybe next year…

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God is good and we can always see it when we look to our future with him.  It’s much harder to see when we look at our present condition or think about what the future of this life holds.  I want to live focused on heaven.  I rather be there enjoying the best that God has to offer but until he decides to take me home, I will do my best to make him my focus each day.  Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone was doing that?

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Grace and peace to you.
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If you keep stopping by to see if I’ve unleashed any new craziness from my brain, I apologize for the lack of new content.  I’m still drained and not back in the swing of writing.  This blog normally comes easy for me with thoughts working in my head for days at a time but of late the thoughts are all criss-crossed and mish-mashed and not easily written.  I am confident this dry period is created by battles I am facing and by a return to the old ways of thinking at times…a failure to rely on God and a sense of figuring it all out myself.  It doesn’t work, never has, but the struggle is there. 

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I’ll keep wrestling through this dry period and I have faith I will be filled up soon, ready to write, ready to serve, ready to glorify God with all my being.  I hope you will keep dropping by and keep praying for the battles you see and don’t see. 

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Grace and peace to you.
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In our Life Group, the question was asked to define the perfect couple.  Immediate answers went to the things of this world – looks, finances, well-behaved kids; all the perceptions of success as our society defines it.  It was how I used to define so much but changes in my life have helped me bring a new vision of success to what I see.

Father Thomas Keating, in his book The Human Condition, says this, “Sometimes a sense of failure is a great means to true humility, which is what God most looks for in us.  I realize this is not the language of success, but we have oversubscribed to that language.  We need to hear about the interior freedom that comes through participation in the sufferings of Christ, the symbol of God’s love for everyone on earth.

It has taken some difficult moments for me to realize that I am promised nothing but suffering on this earth.  While Job was given a great deal after his suffering, I cannot believe the scars of what he went through left his mind but it never changed his love for God.  David, a man after God’s own heart, saw his family fall apart but he never changed his love for God.  The apostles faced beatings and prison but it never changed their love for God. 

What is it that makes me think I am different?  That I can have a “happy” life without all that suffering?  That going to church and contributing to my 401k is my means to an enjoyable future? 

The Bible is filled with people who suffered mightily.  One such story tells of a man who was beaten, his flesh ripped away from his body, people spit on him and then he was nailed to a cross to die.  It is understandable that he could be completely confused by the treatment because he was the son of God but his final words speak volumes about who he was…and who I must be.  Humbly, he said “forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.” 

I continue to pay my mortgage and contribute to my 401k and make plans for the future but I also know it can be taken away in an instant and that it very well could be replaced with suffering.  My joy is that each day I continue to accept that knowledge more living in the security that at the very worst, I still will not be called to bear all the sins of the world. 

I don’t want to oversubscribe to what success means to the world any longer – only to what success means in my relationship with my Savior.

Grace and peace to you.
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A good friend recently said “if people truly believe in a literal heaven and hell, it seems like they would act different.”  That’s been stuck in my head the last few days as I ponder how I’m living.  Do I approach each day living as if there is a real heaven or hell awaiting me or do I approach each day like there will always be a tomorrow if I can just muddle through today?

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Do I find the opportunity each day to share Christ with someone or am I more focused on the basketball game I want to go to?  Do I find the opportunity to serve someone each day or am I more focused on where I want to eat lunch?  Do people see Christ living in me or do they see a guy just getting through the day, just trying to survive the rat-race?

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I want to start living each day much more committed to the reality of my belief that there is a heaven and a hell and that there is a Savior who died for me so I could live in heaven and that I have been called to exhibit Christ-likeness in my words and actions.  I want people to know I believe there is a heaven because of my joy through Jesus Christ and the unexplainable love of God, the Father and my Lord.

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Yes, my good friend, I do believe in heaven and I do believe in hell and I hope your words will push me to live more wholly devoted to Christ each day.

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Grace and peace to you.
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I just realized it is March 1.  I’m not sure what that says about me but have had several thoughts run through my head and none have happy answers.  I’m not organizationally ready to start blogging again today so I will fill this space with rambling thoughts.

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I have been making a list of ideas and will start rolling those out in the next few days.  Exciting, huh?

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OK, for excitement, the Rangers start intrasquad scrimmages today.  That means baseball is close! 

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My son’s team played this weekend and while the record didn’t indicate success, the play on the field was really good and he had a great tournament. 

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More rain today.  Yippee.

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Do you ever have a lunch with someone where the conversation is so good you are thinking about it for days?  I had one of those Friday with a good friend.  Stuff we talked about is still bouncing around in my brain and it keeps bringing me back to one central thought – the power and majesty of God is indescribable.  Even though I continue to try and verbalize what God is doing in my life and in others, my efforts are weak to effectively describe God.

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I hope to get rolling soon but there’s too much to do today.

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Grace and peace to you.
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My foundation is shaky today.  Where I stood solid 3 weeks ago, today I feel trembling and a little bit of fear.  I am reminded that we can believe and hope and trust and think we see how things can and will work out only to find that it doesn’t go our way.  The thing we want desperately, the thing we will fall on our knees to pray for, the thing that we would just know God would take care of the way we want it taken care of…it doesn’t happen our way.  And here’s the thing – you can give me all the scriptures about God’s way not being my way and all but my foundation is still shaking a bit.  It doesn’t mean I have lost faith.  It doesn’t mean I don’t think God is sovereign.  It doesn’t mean I don’t think the victory is secure.  It simply means today that I am reminded that I have to come to grips with the understanding that God doesn’t always let things go our way, that sometimes the things we want most is something we lose.  Maybe it’s to remind us that he is bigger than we are.  Maybe it’s to remind us that our focus needs to be him and not what we can see and touch.  I just don’t know but it has struck me at my core that I cannot always get what I want, that things that are important and special may crumble before me.  I can expect to hurt and to shed tears over what I might lose in the here and now but I still believe, strongly, that the future remains secure and as long as I follow God, I will get to the promised land.

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I will forever think of this song as “Jenny’s song.”  What so many hoped for and prayed for didn’t turn out how we had hoped and prayed but God is still mighty to save because he gave Jenny victory.  He didn’t do it the way I was imagining but, then again, who would have thought up the idea of giving their child on a cross to save humanity?  God’s ways are not my ways, his thoughts are not my thoughts and for that, I do rejoice.  HE IS MIGHTY TO SAVE.
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A little humor while I’m still on holiday.

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1. A day without sunshine is like night.

 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

 9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.

 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

 12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

 13. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.

 14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

 15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

 16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

 17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

 18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

 19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

 20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

 21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

22. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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As I write this, I’m battling tears and chills and a hurting heart and a stomach full of knots…and questions.  I understand dear friends of mine are telling their 31 year old daughter goodbye right now, a husband is saying goodbye to his wife, a child is saying goodbye to her mother, brothers are saying goodbye to their sister.  It hurts.  It doesn’t make sense.  Why, oh why would God let this happen? 

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I have complete faith in God.  I believe he is sovereign in all things – good and bad.  I believe he sees more than I see, thinks differently than I think, understands in ways I cannot understand and is perfect in his will while I am far from perfect in anything I do.  I believe it all but still ask, why God? 

One day God may let us in on how and why these things occur the way they do.  Whether he does or not, I cannot let go of a faith that he reigns.  Jenny is headed to a place I want to be, to a place of perfection and beauty and a home with the Father, with our creator and savior, with the Lord.  I’m thankful this is what awaits her even as I hurt for her family and don’t want it to come to this just now.

Oh God, please rain your love and comfort on Jenny’s family in waves that covers them over and over.

Grace and peace to us all.

Edit: Just as I finished writing this, I learned that Jenny Ross Bizaillion passed away at 3:38 in the afternoon. 

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It’s time for another blogging holiday.  The things I want to say are not coming out in a way I want to say them.  Maybe they need to be expressed in a raw, even militant tone but I’m not ready for that yet if that’s the case so I’m thinking a hiatus will work well.  I have a friend who just finished a 3 month sabbatical to learn that he didn’t want to keep doing what he was doing so who knows, maybe I’ll never come back.

I may post some random (ever notice how teenage kids use that word often?) postings and thoughts but nothing too thought-provoking.  I’m setting March 1 as the target date to get back in the blogging saddle but I’ll play it by ear. 

If you want to do something for me, pray for peace.  I have so many friends going through an inner turmoil and I think it has hit some wounds and scars within me that have taken some of the peace I was enjoying.  I know satan is behind it all so I keep looking for ways to shut him down in my life and praying that God will do that in the lives of the people around me I know are hurting.

I’m also striving to see God’s vision for my life.  I have several things I’m thinking through and trying to understand what the future holds and what path  I need to be traveling.  I’m listening for God’s direction but think I have too much of my own thoughts banging around to hear him.  I think there are some incredible things ahead for me if I can just slow down and hear the voice of my Lord.

See you soon.

Grace and peace to you.
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