Category Archives: Christian Living

Dikembe Mutombo

28 Thursday Mar 2013

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Dikembe is collecting some dough doing a GEICO commercial where he goes around blocking, or rejecting, several “shots” saying “not in my house!”  It was something he was good at in his NBA years.

Rejection is a part of life  Some people handle it well.  I don’t.  As I wrote my blog that posted yesterday I couldn’t help but think how the words sound great, how Christ is pouring into me, yet rejection – even the fear of it – hurts so much.  What has happened to me that causes me to fear rejection so badly?  What causes me to let someone get close and then to swat them away and say “not in my house!”  The following was on a friends site the other day…

The spirit of Rejection will change your personality. It will put up walls to keep you from being vulnerable. It will create a world of defense mechanisms so you don’t run the risk of being rejected ever again. This fear of being vulnerable caused by the Rejection will destroy your body because it takes your peace and puts the focus on self-protection instead of trust in God and being love to other people.

The solution is to accept that you are accepted in love by God and therefore even if man rejects you or hurts you, you are not rejected. You are accepted regardless of your circumstances because God said so. Let’s ask God to help us see ourselves through His eyes of love so we can reject Rejection and be who we truly were created to be!

I share love with lots of people.  I am transparent and very vulnerable with lots of people.  I will share the pain of my heart, I will be compassionate, I will love them and the fear of vulnerability does not exist at that level.

There is a love for my fellow man that I give freely and I accept freely and I am not afraid of negative consequences.  And there is another love, the love of a special someone, the love of someone I would come to rely on in the most intimate and vulnerable settings, that I am not willing to share or open up to the pain that could come from it.

Three people that I have loved and trusted have ripped at my heart and left deep, gaping wounds in recent years.  Wounds take time to heal and mine seem like they heal slowly.  Getting older has only seemed to exasperate the healing process.  I think some people get impatient with me.  Others have given up that I will ever heal.  Maybe it’s that I am too patient…or, a better way of saying it, I am comfortable with the walls that protect my heart from another rejection.

Christ healed Paul’s wounds relatively quickly.  I have no doubt He can do it when and where He feels it most appropriate.  Paul had a very important mission and a calling that left little time for slow healing.  I wonder what my situation is.  Has Jesus called me to a quicker healing and I wouldn’t accept it?  Or, is He allowing my wounds to heal slowly while preparing me for the next step?

I do believe in His power to heal.  I do believe in His power to pour into me the way He poured into Paul.

I just wish I knew the timing.

Grace and peace.

Emphasis His

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. – 1 Timothy 1:12-14 (Emphasis mine)

As I read the words of Paul, I am often thinking about how his words connect with me, how I connect with his sin.  As I read these words recently, I focused on what Paul states Jesus has done in his life, all that Jesus has poured into him (Paul).  It’s easy for me to be introspective about my faults but I do not focus enough on looking at what Jesus has and is doing inside of me.  As I emphasize the words of Paul’s writing in this section of scripture, it becomes more obvious to see the emphasis Christ puts on, and in, me.

Grace and peace.

Paul and Me

18 Monday Mar 2013

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I’m sure it would have been cool to hang out with the Beatles.  Or the Rolling Stones.  Motley Crue.  Willie.  Mumford and Sons.  You get the idea.  How often I thought it would be fun to hang out with the rich and famous and live their lifestyle for awhile.

Maybe I’m on the verge of crazy but…

I wish I could hang out with Paul.  Paul who was Saul.  Paul who was jailed and beaten.  Paul who had unusual strength.  Paul who may have been more famous in his time than any of those listed above.

I’ve recently reconnected with a friend who encourages me in my blogging.  When we used to see each other more, my life was very different.  It looked good on the outside and I hid the blemishes well.  (Blemishes is a pretty way of saying catastrophic failings.)  Now, the “blemishes” are better known and have been exposed.  I want to reconnect with him, share things I have learned and how it is shaping me and soak up what I can from what he has learned from his journey.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Paul and me.  I can’t really fathom what Paul went through but when I read his writings, I feel connected and I think it is one piece of scripture that I read that gives me the feeling we are linked.  Maybe I see myself worse than I am.  Maybe I see myself just as I am.  Whatever, if he asks where I see myself now, I would reference Paul’s first letter to Timothy, the first chapter and verses 12-17.

Paul says he is the worst of sinners.  Maybe, but I sure think I can give him a run for his money.  Sure, he may have stoned some people and had others put to death physically.  I think I have done that to people emotionally, or God forbid, spiritually.  I connect with Paul when he says he is the worst but that isn’t why I love this passage of his writing.  It’s the rest of the story because it gives me great hope.  So often I am mired in my past.  Jesus is fixated on today…and what He is calling me to in the days to come.  Paul knew that.  I want to know it too.  I want to live in it, revel in it, reap joy in abundance in the knowledge of God’s grace and mercy and love.

It’s a journey; a journey I hope to travel with my buddy Paul, walking in the footsteps of my Savior.

Grace and peace.

Here’s part of Paul’s letter from The Message (emphasis mine).

15-19 Here’s a word you can take to heart and depend on: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I’m proof—Public Sinner Number One—of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off—evidence of his endless patience—to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever.

Deep honor and bright glory
to the King of All Time—
One God, Immortal, Invisible,
ever and always. Oh, yes!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I always like The Clash song asking should I stay or should I go?  It’s a question I have had so many times in various situations.  I feel like I’m in one now.  Do I stay the course I’m on, attempting to do the things I want to do or do I go towards a more conservative course, one where my dreams may get squeezed, my hopes blanketed?

It’s not an easy question.  Of course, I have many people willing to weigh in and I appreciate their thoughts but they are sometimes just as confusing.  One friend yesterday advocated one thing that takes the wind out of my sails but makes fiscal sense.  Another friend advocated pursuing my dreams, trusting that the risk is worth the reward…buy a little scary.

In the meantime, I feel like my life is momentarily on hold.  Maybe that isn’t a bad thing but it is frustrating at times.  There are things I want to do, things I want to say and I hesitate because of fear that my present situation may work against me.  Fear stinks.

On the other hand, the fear is just one side of the coin with the other being hope.  Hope for what I can almost visualize.  Hope for what may be.  Hope for better days and dreams fulfilled.

I still await the booming voice from the mountaintop telling me I am on the right path…or where the right path can be found.  Waiting…waiting…waiting.  No booming voice.

Today, I carry on towards the dream.  Tomorrow, I share time with my precious daughter.  Friday, I look into a more conservative, seemingly responsible solution.  Saturday, more time with my daughter and, I am sure, much reflection of what today and Friday bring to my mind and my heart.

God, in case it works for you, I’d love to hear a booming voice on Saturday.

Grace and peace.

A Letter to Mom

02 Saturday Mar 2013

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Here’s an email I sent to my mother yesterday about my life and how God is working in it.  I refer to the book Jesus Calling but I was remiss in not also mentioning several good people who are speaking hope and faith into me consistently.

I’m convinced this book was written for me.  It’s amazing how the days of the book track what is going on in my life. 

February 29 is the bonus page I guess and here is what it said that speaks to me in volume…

You are on the right path.  Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts.  I am leading you along the way I designed just for you.  Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking.  But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone.  Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others.  I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, moment by moment.  As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me.
This hasn’t been a journey I would have chosen to go as it has but I can look back and see the places where God is working in my heart and in my head to prepare me for something that is ahead.  I am learning to live in today, embrace it, and trust God will provide for me tomorrow.  He may provide little or He may provide in abundance.  The Israelites were told to gather manna for today and if they gathered more than they needed, the manna was filled with maggots and spoiled. 

God knows my heart.  The good and the pure places.  The hard and the dark places.  I believe He is working in both so He can use me for greater things in the kingdom work on earth.  I truly believe reading this book daily and praying much more than usual is what has not only kept me sane, but led me to some of the greatest peace I have ever known. 

It’s a strange journey.  He’s a strange God.  I must be in the right place.

Grace and peace.

Sometimes

01 Friday Mar 2013

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Sometimes things hit me right when I need it.

Sometimes I get to spend time in the presence of my children.  It’s awesome.

Sometimes I read something that hits me between the eyes and goes straight to my heart.  I have mentioned I’m reading Jesus Calling and as I looked at my desk calendar edition, here was yesterday’s message…

Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority, sometimes a mixture of both.  I lead each of my children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her.  Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only source of real affirmation is my unconditional love.  Many believers perceive me as an unpleasable judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in my garments of salvation.  This is how I see you: radiant in my robe of righteousness.  When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust, it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with me throughout all eternity.  Immerse yourself in my loving presence.  Be receptive to my affirmation, which flows continuously from the throne of grace.

Sometimes I believe it.  Sometimes I don’t.  Here’s to pray and hope that I will believe it more and more.

And that my sometimes will become all-the-times.

Grace and peace.

What If?

27 Wednesday Feb 2013

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What if all Christians spent as much money on fighting poverty as we do fighting for gun control?

What if all Christians worked together to find the talents and abilities of immigrants as we do trying to build a fence to keep people out?

What if all churches were required to give 50% of their contributions to ministry efforts to maintain their tax free status?

What if the National Day or Prayer was something all Christians participated in regardless of what the President does?  Or believes?

What if all Christians sent the same amount to charity as what they spent on the Starbucks they are walking in the church building with?

What if all Christians prayed with their children multiple times a day instead of complaining the government doesn’t support vocal prayer in schools?

What is all Christians spent as much time reading the Bible in their families as they do going to movies, playing sports and sending their children off in the care of the youth pastor/minister?

What if our legislators were required to work for the minimum wage they voted for?

What if business leaders agreed to a salary no higher than a certain percentage above their lowest paid workers?  And provided good benefits?

Just some “what-if’s?” that step on my toes.

Grace and peace.

Anxious Anxiety

15 Friday Feb 2013

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It’s easy to be anxious for some of us.  I suppose there are people who have never experienced anxiety.  I know there are others who have been anxious people who learned to grow past it.  There are others who will likely die in anxiety of death.

Jesus said, “Do not be anxious.”  It sounds like He was serious out it.  I know God was.

Someone recently said to me, “How can I not be anxious?”  Let’s face it.  Most of us are never going to go through life completely free of concerns, even worry.  The question is how do we go through life: trusting in God with some healthy level of concern that keeps us alert to what opportunities are put in our path or worried that things will fall apart even though we have no evidence it will fall apart?

I find those who are most anxious are most concerned with how they think life is supposed to look.  At least that’s been my personal experience.

I realized the way I think things should be isn’t the best way it should be.  I would NEVER suggest God allow His son to be crucified on the cross.  If God thinks that’s the best thing to do for my life, how do I decide what is best without His will and guidance?

I am learning to live with less anxiety (not without, just less!) as I realize the God who gave His son for me is the same God who doesn’t want anything bad for me.  He’s the God who wants to give me all He knows I need.  Maybe not what I think I need but, again, I would never have suggested God sacrifice His son.  If He will do that, what can I really worry about it?  That life doesn’t look like I think it should?

God, show me Your ways.  Open my eyes to Your path for me.  Open my heart to trust fully in You.  Speak deeply into me Father.  I want to know Your peace.  Always.

Grace and peace.

Moving Past “Sorta’ Grateful”

18 Friday Jan 2013

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I believe it is important, no, imperative to be grateful for what God has given me.  But it ain’t easy being grateful.  Bills are coming due.  Some are already late.  I’m cutting back.  And then cutting back some more.  But, I still want to enjoy time with my kids going out to eat, going to movies, doing fun stuff.  Spending the money scares me because bills are coming due.  I have a mortgage that won’t get paid by reselling aluminum cans.  A kid in college.  Two kids driving cars, needing gas and insurance.

Today I read Psalm 118.  Give thanks to the Lord.  His love endures forever.  I read Philippians 4 too.  Don’t be anxious but ask the Lord for anything.

Oh God, I don’t need riches.  I only need follow you.  I only need to seek your desires for me.  But, I do have these things I like, these things I’m comfortable with, these things I feel like I need to provide my children, these things I want to do too.  I lay it at your feet Lord.  I have walked into so many fires Lord and you have led me out of them.  Sure, there are wounds that still hurt and there are scars but I chose to walk into the fire and you still pulled me out of it.  Lord, remind me that you have provided more than I can understand and that you will continue to provide.  I know it may not be the way I see it or imagine it Lord so I pray with boldness that you do more than I can possibly imagine.  Lord, forgive me when my gratefulness wavers.  It’s a fault and one I want to work on.  I want a heart of thanksgiving and joy for simply being your child and whatever comes with that this day.  I don’t want to be sorta’ grateful, God.  I want to be abounding in gratefulness and thanksgiving.  Thank you for your patience as I work to get there.  Heal my wounds.  Cover my scars.  Open my eyes to avoid the next fire.  Open my heart to all that you can pour into it.  Cover me in peace.  Amen.

Grace and peace to you.

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Lance & Grace

16 Wednesday Jan 2013

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I hear Lance Armstrong is coming clean.  OK, who hasn’t heard about it unless they’ve been living in a cave?  This guy has done everything he could to deny the accusations that he was doping while competing in bicycle races.  Supposedly, he has threatened people, sued people, lied about people and who knows what else.  Armstrong is going to be analyzed, re-analyzed, psycho-analyzed and everything else you can think of.  Questions will be asked over and over why he did it and there will be so many reasons and ideas offered up by a lot of people who do not know the guy.  He will be cast as an evil person full of lies.  He will have more advice offered on how to live his life and more contempt showered on him than 1,000 people should have to endure.

Lance has all these problems and I look at this life and his lies and think “I’ve done so much more wrong, so much more evil, so much more hurtful acts” than Lance Armstrong could ever do.  Wow, what would happen if I had to go on Oprah and answer questions?  What if God gave her a list of questions to ask?  YIKES!

I hope Lance will come to know grace.  I don’t know what his thoughts on God are but I pray that Christ-followers will remember the grace that has been extended to them and will “forgive as God forgave you” (Colossians 3).

Grace is a beautiful thing.  It’s hard for me to accept but I still see the beauty in it.  I hope Lance Armstrong is overwhelmed with grace.  Not that he will have the bans removed or get anything back from what has been taken away, but that he can move forward and use his life story to move forward and help others.  Grace is a beautiful thing.

Grace and peace.