Category Archives: Christian Living

The Art of Gratefulness

14 Monday Jan 2013

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Last week was a journey though some valleys and trips to the mountain top.  I listened to some heart wrenching stories and shared some of my own.  I could and did take a lot away from the trip about how to see life but one that is circulating in my head is gratefulness.  But, it wasn’t until after the week was over that it clicked.

On the way home Friday night, I got a call about a job opportunity I was really, really excited about.  I thought it was a great position to use many of my skills and gifts I haven’t been able to use in a previous job and would incorporate my training in conflict resolution nicely.  The call was to say no.  It was very nice and very affirming in the message was conveyed but it was still no.  And, it was at the end of that call, while contemplating driving off a bridge (yes, I said that for dramatic effect) that I realized how grateful I should be.

During the week, I received 3 calls from people wanting me to talk to them about some potential consulting work.  Consulting work doesn’t offer security.  It doesn’t offer benefits.  The calls don’t even mean I’ll get any money out of the conversation.  And while I wrestled with these calls and how they will affect to be child support and tuition and the house payment and fuel and food and bills, I thought it was funny that I have wanted to be a consultant since I was 25 years old.  Now that I’m older, the idea is still great as long as I have the security of a job?

I need to be grateful that I have the security of God providing for me.  Yes, I had made the connections that landed me all of these opportunities but I believe without a doubt that God is opening the door for these things to happen.  I didn’t call a single company, they called me because people I know have told them about me.

I call it the art of gratefulness because being grateful isn’t an intellectual exercise but an act of the heart.  It’s something I am working on because my heart is so often overcome with my fears.  I hope today is a new day for me in being grateful for what I am blessed with and that my gratefulness will begin to overcome my fears.

I like the story in 1 Kings 17 and would sure like to know when the Lord is communicating with me more clearly.  Sometimes I wonder who’s voice I am hearing, God’s or my own or the voice of another who seeks to bring me down.  In the end, I simply want to do God’s will, accept what He gives me and learn to be grateful in all that I say and do.  I want to be a “grateful artist”, someone painting a beautiful picture or making touching music so that others will see God through me.

Grace and peace.

Surely

07 Monday Jan 2013

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Surely the Lord is in this place.

I am in Abilene, Texas to attend a week of classes for my Masters program at Abilene Christian University.  I love this place.  I got settled in my room and went for a walk around campus.  It was an interesting walk with me pleading with God to straighten out my employment status and lead me to transform my heart status (spiritual, not physical) I also begin to feel His presence.  As I approached the statue of Jacob’s Ladder, I felt it even more and I began to pray that one day, sooner or later, that I’ll be a part of this school and campus in some way.  I love being around students.  I love being around people who are striving to grow.  I love being in this place where I feel God’s presence.

I’m not over the struggles I wrote about Saturday.  In fact, they are still very real and very painful but I appreciate the time I had today, the time where I asked God to cover me in His presence and He did.  I hope I keep on feeling it, all week, every day, every minute.  In the meantime, I will keep reminding myself that God is in this place even when I was not aware of Him.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2028&version=NIV

Grace and peace.

Do You Know My Pain?

03 Thursday Jan 2013

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I read some quotes by a well known preacher spoken to those considering suicide.  I can only wonder if he truly understands their pain?  I have grown up hearing how people who commit suicide are selfish.  How they will burn in hell.  How they are this and that and nothing ever good.

Do you ever wonder what people who have committed suicide must have been thinking?  Battling?  Do you ever wonder what wounds they were carrying?  How they perceived the way people had treated them?

I realize this isn’t a pretty subject but I tend to approach things from the dark side so often.  My point is this, what am I doing today to show the love of Jesus to someone around me.  Someone who may be hurting so badly and so deeply that I can’t know it.  Or do I simply ignore it in my busyness?  How can I be the essence of love today?

You see, I believe the love of Christ can save anyone.  And, I believe we are called to be the love of Christ.

So, when I hear about someone committing suicide, I can only think they were not surrounded by the love of Christ.  Who’s fault is that?  No, I don’t take the blame for someone committing suicide.  Afterall, it was their choice in the end.  Yet, you won’t hear me talking about how selfish they are or where they will spend eternity.  In fact, I can’t help but wonder if Christ doesn’t surround them with the love they must have been missing while on this earth.  It’s a question I may never have an answer for.

The love of Christ saves.  The love of Christ can stop Newtown massacres.  The love of Christ can stop suicides.  The love of Christ can end wars.  The love of Christ has the power to end pain.

Oh Lord, let me show someone your love today.

Grace and peace.

Word Harder, Work Faster

30 Sunday Dec 2012

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The words of the title were words of advice the Managing Partner of a CPA firm I once worked for gave me during the closing days of tax season.  Work harder, work faster.  Isn’t this the mantra of our day, of our society?  Work, work, work, Do more, more, more.  Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.  I have been taught that the value of my life was in my production.  At church.  And at work.  And in relationships.

This is a post from my good friend, David Lewis.  It’s not about production through more work but through peace.  I love it and share it hoping it is a post I will come back to again and again.

http://themannaman.wordpress.com/2012/12/27/slow-down-you-move-too-fast/

Slow down.  Find peace.  Enjoy it.  Live in it.

Grace and peace.

Off the Reservation

29 Saturday Dec 2012

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OK, since I’m not really telling any of my friends about this blog, it’s a good time for me to get this out in the open.  I’m intrigued with Buddhism.  Intrigued may not be the right word but I haven’t given time to a study of Buddhist teaching yet but intend to.

NO, I’m not becoming a Buddhist in the sense that I’m leaving Christianity.  In fact, what little I know so far about Buddhist teaching only enhances my Christ-following walk.  Buddhist aren’t afraid to talk about suffering and pain and how to move through and past suffering and pain.  That’s what I really, really like about them.  They teach living in the present moment and accepting all that comes with it, both good and bad.  Sound like any of Christ’s teachings?  I appreciate the idea of Karma because I’ve read that you reap what you sow.  I appreciate the teachings about the present moment because I’ve read not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of it’s own.  I appreciate the teachings about enduring suffering and moving past it because Christ died for my eternal soul, not just what I am doing today.  I appreciate the teaching and practice of meditation because God said, “Be still and know that I am God.”  Buddhists are good at living out what they teach whereas I’ve grown up in a Christian environment where I have been taught to work harder and study less.

In the upcoming weeks, I’ll be using some guest posts to share what’s going on in my mind.  Remember, these are for me so if you don’t like it I hope you’ll at least take some time to think about what is being said.

Yes, I’m venturing off the reservation on which I’ve grown up but like so many I have found there is a world outside the bubble that teaches things of great benefit to me to help me on my journey to grow closer to God and closer to peace within myself.

Grace and peace.

Wounds and Respect

28 Friday Dec 2012

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I was talking with an old friend the other day about the struggles of his marriage.  I didn’t count the number of times he mentioned respect as an issue between both he and his wife but as I think about the conversation, wounds and respect are two topics that keep coming back to mind.

The wife faced abuse as a child from her father that I cannot imagine.  I cannot imagine how scary it was for her.  I cannot imagine the wounds it has left deep within her that affect how she sees other men, especially her husband.  I wonder if she sees God like she remembers her father and sees her husband the same way – as someone who should take care of her and protect her but cannot live up to what she wants or expects.

The husband isn’t perfect either.  He has battled his own demons that have caused problems between them that partially result from his childhood and the wounds he experienced.  He wants someone who is there, who is consistent, who in in control of their emotions and desires.  She has made choices during their marriage that conflict with all of that and leaves him with trust issues.

Their wounds are deep and ingrained after years of living with them but not doing much to address them and overcome them.  It has left them in a position where their wounds have created expectations and their failure to live up to those have caused a lack of respect for each other.  How can a relationship survive without respect?

William Ury, author of The Power of a Positive No says that we cannot respect another until we first respect ourselves.  Respect is best given from a position of power, not over another but within oneself.  If I respect myself, it is much easier for me to show respect to another because I have all I need within myself.  Gaining the other person’s respect only adds to my power but is not the foundation of my strength.

I wish I had begun to understand the power of wounds and power of respect several years ago.  I have a relationship that is in dire need of help but without the opportunity to communicate regularly.  Knowing what I know now, even in the infancy of my understanding, would have led me to greater hopes of saving a relationship that has been devastating to lose.  Hopefully, knowing I I know now will allow me to maintain and improve relationships in the future.

Grace and peace.

When Christmas Hurts

26 Wednesday Dec 2012

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I remember Christmas being a wonderful experience for many years.  The joy of getting out of school, family and friends, presents under the tree and food, oh the wonderful food.  In my college years it was a time of seeing old friends and telling and re-telling stories of days gone by followed by a changing of times as work and holidays collided.  Then came the glory years with kids of my own.  The start of the great years, of the exuberance of children and the joy in their eyes and actions.  Those were the best days of my life.  Then came the divorce and Christmas Day changed forever.

Forever changed and forever aware of new realities.  Aware of how many people hurt more than usual at Christmas.  Aware of how many people are suffering and how the Christmas season intensifies the suffering.  Aware how words of joy for some are words that hurt for others.  Aware that while some rejoice in gathering with family and friends, others hurt more being in that environment than being alone and quiet.

I still enjoy the idea of Christmas but the 25th of December is a day I know comes with pain and I hurt for those who are hurting.  This season will be over soon and a new year begins and I pray that those who hurt during this time will find healing and peace in the year to come.

Grace and peace.

Hurting

15 Saturday Dec 2012

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What happened in Newtown, CT yesterday was a tragedy that will never be able to be explained.  20 children dead.  6 others killed.  Why?  Why?  Oh Lord, why?

There will be loud and incessant chatter from those blaming God and guns over the next few days and weeks.  All of those people are missing the issue.

I cannot begin to fathom the mental torment of someone who walks into an elementary school and starts killing innocent people.  I cannot.  I cannot begin to fathom the mental torment that a Jeffrey Dahmer, a Unibomber, a Adolf Hitler must be dealing with.  I cannot.  But, I do know it exists.

There are people who choose to take their own life instead of the lives of others.  They too are going through a level of mental torment that many people cannot understand.  It’s a mental torment I am closer to understanding.  Some overcome it.  Many don’t.

The challenge is not that guns are available.  Do we ban ropes?  Sheets?  Knives?  We allow people to operate cars who are drunk.  These are all symptoms of a bigger problem.  A problem revolving around mental and emotional issues.  A problem that is often swept under the rug.  Or ignored.  Or laughed at.  Or locked up.  Certainly a problem that carries a stigma from many of the “normal people” running loose pretending they don’t have problems.

I haven’t met one single person that wouldn’t benefit from counseling.  Not one.  I’ve met a bunch who don’t think they need it or who just won’t go but I don’t know any who haven’t battled wounds and scars that need healing and need help.

We will never legislate evil out of the world.  We will never have enough laws to prevent evil.  Only love has overcome evil and only love will ever overcome evil.  Love for the hurting.  Love for the battle weary; love for the scarred and the scared, the wounded and the hurting, the lost and alone.

Today I will call people I love and tell them I love them and I am here for them.  I will also consciously look for others who are hurting, who are enduring problems that no one wants to talk about.  I will pray that God brings those people my way and allow me to reach out to them, not to fix them, but to only love them.

Grace and peace.

Lean On Me

14 Friday Dec 2012

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I talked about the power fear has over me.  It still resonates through my body this day.  The other thing about fear is it’s weight.  Man, it is heavy.  At times it weighs down on my so much it almost pushes all the air out of my body.  Other times it weighs so much it simply paralyzes me.  It makes my head hurt and disrupts my thoughts.  It leaves me feeling like I am buried under a pile of rocks, alone, with nowhere to go.

I’m thankful for friends I can call on.  They help lift the weight.  They help carry the burden at times.  The song, sung by Bill Withers (and recently done so well by Nicholas David on The Voice) has lyrics I’ve never listened to or caught before reading them today.  The third stanza hit me like a truck today.

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand (Chorus)
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’d understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Second Verse
(Chorus)

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me

Just calling is hard sometimes.  The weight of fear crushes my hopes, my dreams, my faith and my ability to call on people at times.  The weight of fear reminds me that I cannot do things on my own and tells me I am weak because of it, that I will fail, that I will not get out of this present situation without being battered and broken.

Like so many others, I turn to God and call out to him but I have seen prayers answered in painful ways, I have seen tears that don’t stop flowing, pain that never goes away, relationships destroyed.  God doesn’t always tie things up with a pretty red bow…and that drives my fear even more.  The questions of “what if” roll through my mind like a freight train – loud, earth-shaking, powerful – and leave the weight of fear on my shoulders.

Still, I will call on God and ask that He do more than I can imagine, that he will heal and make new, that he will provide so that I can share in abundance and redemption on this earth as well as in the next life.  I will slowly, but surely, call on friends and ask them to pray, to help carry my burden.  The power and weight of fear will lurk and will reach inside me at times, but for today I will still hold on to hope for a better tomorrow.  For if I don’t have hope, what do I have?

Grace and peace.

Power

13 Thursday Dec 2012

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It’s something so many of us want.  It’s something that cripples so many.  It’s something that can be a great tool.  It’s something that can be a debilitating weapon.  Power.

I have had power and I have been subjected to power.  I have used it well and I have misused it.  I have been encouraged by it and I have cowered under it.  Power.

Today I wrestle with the power of the emotion of fear.  I am in a vulnerable place where I can choose to cling to faith or live in fear.  I feel like I am losing the battle today, that fear is winning.  I see the collision of all the worst things I can imagine for my life and I see it all playing out.  I wilt under the idea of a great punishment.

Maybe I am simply being dramatic.

I have shared my feelings with a couple of people over the past 3 days and have varied responses.  One was from someone more fearful of my position than I have been.  That certainly had an impact on how I have seen things.  Another believes there is a plan, a way things will work out and I am in the the process of the plan.  Another believes I need to do more to change my situation.  In all these things I try to understand how I feel, what I want to do now, what I want to do next, where I believe I am being led.  In all the wondering, the door opens for fear to creep in and use it’s power to beat me down, to weaken my faith, to lose hope.  The power of fear can make me stop in my tracks, for hours or days, and just imagine that my world is unraveling.

Maybe my world is unraveling.  The virtue of being able to write is that admitting to my fear and it’s power over me, I can almost feel myself releasing the fear and looking at the words that friends have written on Twitter, not directly to me but, that have spoken directly to me.  Last night a friend was encouraging me to be bold in my faith while another person I follow on Twitter wrote, “one of our greatest temptations is to reduce God to the size of our biggest failures.”  (Jonathon Storment)  Wow, that hit me right between the eyes.

I want the rest of this day to be lived in the power of God’s work in my life.  It won’t be easy and even God says it won’t.  The power of fear is ever-present, lurking, ready to suck me in.  I make the choice of whether to give in to the fear or live in faith.  I am calling on God this day to help me, to show me a sign but even if He doesn’t I plan to choose to believe He is here, He is at work, He has a plan for me.  (Ephesians 2:10)

Grace and peace.