• About

WayOutWise

~ a collection of thoughts from the country

WayOutWise

Category Archives: Conflict Resolution

Wounds and Respect

28 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Seeking Peace in Christian Living, Conflict Resolution, Friendship

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

faith, power, relationships, respect, wounds

I was talking with an old friend the other day about the struggles of his marriage.  I didn’t count the number of times he mentioned respect as an issue between both he and his wife but as I think about the conversation, wounds and respect are two topics that keep coming back to mind.

The wife faced abuse as a child from her father that I cannot imagine.  I cannot imagine how scary it was for her.  I cannot imagine the wounds it has left deep within her that affect how she sees other men, especially her husband.  I wonder if she sees God like she remembers her father and sees her husband the same way – as someone who should take care of her and protect her but cannot live up to what she wants or expects.

The husband isn’t perfect either.  He has battled his own demons that have caused problems between them that partially result from his childhood and the wounds he experienced.  He wants someone who is there, who is consistent, who in in control of their emotions and desires.  She has made choices during their marriage that conflict with all of that and leaves him with trust issues.

Their wounds are deep and ingrained after years of living with them but not doing much to address them and overcome them.  It has left them in a position where their wounds have created expectations and their failure to live up to those have caused a lack of respect for each other.  How can a relationship survive without respect?

William Ury, author of The Power of a Positive No says that we cannot respect another until we first respect ourselves.  Respect is best given from a position of power, not over another but within oneself.  If I respect myself, it is much easier for me to show respect to another because I have all I need within myself.  Gaining the other person’s respect only adds to my power but is not the foundation of my strength.

I wish I had begun to understand the power of wounds and power of respect several years ago.  I have a relationship that is in dire need of help but without the opportunity to communicate regularly.  Knowing what I know now, even in the infancy of my understanding, would have led me to greater hopes of saving a relationship that has been devastating to lose.  Hopefully, knowing I I know now will allow me to maintain and improve relationships in the future.

Grace and peace.

Do You Know Me?

18 Sunday Nov 2012

Posted by Seeking Peace in Christian Living, Conflict Resolution

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

God's eyes, grace, love

This post may morph into two separate posts.  It is a mash-up of two thoughts from today.  One is the idea of “biblical point of view” and the other is respect for others.  I’ll start with the respect for others as I begin thinking about how it all works together.  (That was a lot of rambling, huh?)

As I stood in line at Freebirds today, I was struck by the young man helping.  He was very polite, courteous and helpful.  He also had a nose ring, oblong spacers in his ears, at least 4 piercings in one of his ears and tattoos.  Not exactly the path I have followed.  As I took it all in, I wondered how many people judged this young man based on a) his courteous attitude or b) his appearance.

“What’s that going to look like when he’s old?”  Heard that question before?  How many 80 year old people are proud of their pristine, still smooth as a baby’s bottom skin?  There are so many things we worry about for tomorrow while missing the joys of today.  I have more “I wish I woulda’s” than I care to count.  Multiple piercings are not among them but I know what I wish I would have done, why judge what another person has decided to do.  If he regrets it all when he’s 80, that is his issue and won’t be mine, either now or then.

“The body is a temple.”  Oh wow.  I wonder how often this is uttered by people who have filled their bodies with bad foods, cigarettes, or who have filled their eyes and minds with worthless, if not blatantly evil, TV shows and movies.  God didn’t give us our bodies to be perfect.  If so, few would measure up.  He gave us bodies to use, to fulfill the work of Jesus in our time.  And what does ashes to ashes and dust to dust mean?  Is God going to be hacked off if our body, that will decay, has a tat or a piercing on it?  Seriously, there are people in our daily periphery who are starving to death; starving from malnutrition, starving from loneliness, starving from the absence of God in their life and I just find it impossible to believe God worries about what someone inks on their body.

Finally, how can we say anything about another person’s choices if we don’t know that person.  A little over a year ago, I had a gentleman at my church attack me for a decision I had made that he felt was contrary to the Bible’s teaching.  He felt this way because he made an assumption about a situation and didn’t know the facts.  He attacked me in front of friends and while they tried to stand up for me, I simply let him talk.  We parted without further conversation because my friends thought it best to get me away from him.  Some months later I had the chance to talk to him and told him I didn’t appreciate how he treated me and what he said and that I disagreed with him.  He started over on how my choice was wrong and I just asked him, “do you know me?  Do you know all the facts?  I ask this because God knows me, He knows my heart and He knows the fact and I rest securely in that.”  Jesus knew the people he talked to.  He knew their situation and He knew their heart.  I didn’t know the guy behind the counter, how he grew up, why he did what he did to his body, what his experiences were, what his heart was like.  How can I make judgment without knowing a person.

I write all of this because I have experienced judgment again recently.  I know what it is like to have people talk about you behind your back, to cast judgment on you without all the facts.  It hurts but I know God knows me.  He knows my heart.  He knows where I have failed and why.  I won’t hold it against anyone for speaking against me.  I pray that God (and I) will show them the grace and mercy He has shown me.  I am a sinner.  I have fallen short of His perfection.  God knows me.

I hope to capture my thoughts about others and turn them over to God.  I hope to see people as God sees them.  I hope to give them the love and grace He casts on them.

Grace and peace.

Peace

13 Friday Jan 2012

Posted by Seeking Peace in Conflict Resolution, peace

≈ Leave a comment

Peace.  var gaJsHost = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://ssl.” : “http://www.”); document.write(unescape(“%3Cscript src='” + gaJsHost + “google-analytics.com/ga.js’ type=’text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”)); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker(“UA-12356560-1”); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}

It’s such a calming word to me.
Peace.
I have learned it’s something I can have even in the middle of the biggest storms.
Peace.
It’s something I want to be able to help people find and embrace in the middle of their biggest storms.
Peace.  
Proverbs 16:7 – When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.
May I walk in the ways of my Lord so that all I touch will know peace.
Grace and peace to you.

A Valuable Resource

05 Thursday Jan 2012

Posted by Seeking Peace in Conflict Resolution, school, time

≈ Leave a comment

var gaJsHost = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://ssl.” : “http://www.”); document.write(unescape(“%3Cscript src='” + gaJsHost + “google-analytics.com/ga.js’ type=’text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”)); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker(“UA-12356560-1”); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {} Time is so limited.  It’s no secret.  It’s nothing profound I just figured out. 

I love to write.  This blog has been an ongoing salve for me, something I used to express emotions, share pain, give attention to joy and keep some semblance of balance in my head.  However, so many things have come into my life that have begin using the resource of time that I have and my writing has suffered…and to some degree my connection I have with God when I write. 

I don’t do resolutions but I need to find a way to balance my time better, to include the things in my life that are important for me to stay focused on God and more balanced between peace and chaos (chaos being what I call the normal times of life because it’s fun for me to say and will drive some people crazy that I say it which is really my real purpose in life…) and to make the changes I need to make to treat time as the valuable resource that it is. 

Knowing that my biggest challenge to overcome is myself, it will be a battle at times but one I need to learn to fight.  Maybe I will learn some new conflict resolutions skills that will resolve the my own inner-conflict – now that would be valuable and worth every penny (at $787/hour) I’m paying to educate myself.  (Note to young children reading this blog – it is much cheaper to prove you are smart enough to do well in college while your parents are helping pay for it than it is when you have to pay for it on your own.  Just sayin’.)

God, give me vision and wisdom as I walk this road so that I will more clearly see you and choose the path that allows me to maximize all that you provide me.

Grace and peace to you.

Recent Posts

  • So Many Questions
  • Leaving Fear Behind
  • Heartbreak
  • Taking the FirstStep
  • Last Night

Archives

Categories

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 139 other subscribers

Search WayOutWise

Blogs I Follow

Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
Unknown's avatar
  • humanity777's avatar
  • Cristian Mihai's avatar
  • Died from Laughing's avatar
  • Edmark M. Law's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Frank Solanki's avatar
  • A's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Don Merritt's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar

WayOutWise Random Thoughts

Tweets by wayoutwise

What I Talk About

advice anger anxiety baseball bitterness children choices Christ Christ-likeness Christlikeness conflict darkness death decisions dreams evil faith Fear forgiveness freedom friends future God God's eyes God's presence grace grateful Gratefulness gratefulness project Happiness help holding me up hope hurt hurting Jesus job journey joy kids lament life light listen lost love mercy Newtown pain patience peace politics power prayer presence present moment random thoughts relationships rest scared scars shame silence strength struggle suffering thankful thankfulness Thanksgiving The Journey tragedy trust waiting work wounds

Blog at WordPress.com.

Site Title

BeautyBeyondBones

Interim Ministry Partners

Buckshots

Observations on just about everything

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Douglas Young

Changing the Face of Conflict

Matthew Fray

Author and Relationship Coach

giorge thomas

writer

Business and Life Leadership

Do the Right Thing. Make a Difference.

The Word Of God

Unleashing the Power of Scripture Memorization

Cindy's Siesta

Seeking God through the study of his Word

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

The Official Colonel Sanders Podcast

An All American Rags to Chickens Story

Hope Blooms in Darkness

Christianity Matters

A Gospel-Centered Perspective On All Things Christian

lostcompanion

Alcoholism

Unshakable Hope

"All of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain." (Hebrews 12:27)

follow the light

Sharing God's Light

Chris Martin Writes

Life Out of the Box

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • WayOutWise
    • Join 139 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • WayOutWise
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar