Category Archives: Faith

When Christmas Hurts

26 Wednesday Dec 2012

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I remember Christmas being a wonderful experience for many years.  The joy of getting out of school, family and friends, presents under the tree and food, oh the wonderful food.  In my college years it was a time of seeing old friends and telling and re-telling stories of days gone by followed by a changing of times as work and holidays collided.  Then came the glory years with kids of my own.  The start of the great years, of the exuberance of children and the joy in their eyes and actions.  Those were the best days of my life.  Then came the divorce and Christmas Day changed forever.

Forever changed and forever aware of new realities.  Aware of how many people hurt more than usual at Christmas.  Aware of how many people are suffering and how the Christmas season intensifies the suffering.  Aware how words of joy for some are words that hurt for others.  Aware that while some rejoice in gathering with family and friends, others hurt more being in that environment than being alone and quiet.

I still enjoy the idea of Christmas but the 25th of December is a day I know comes with pain and I hurt for those who are hurting.  This season will be over soon and a new year begins and I pray that those who hurt during this time will find healing and peace in the year to come.

Grace and peace.

Where Is God?

18 Tuesday Dec 2012

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Where is God?  It’s the easy question to ask after what just happened in Newtown, Connecticut.  Where is God?

Some would say our problems start with prayer not being a part of the daily school routine.  Really?  I would say that God IS in schools when He is in in the heart and actions of those in the schools.  I would say that prayer exists in schools when believers take the time to pray – alone or with group of people.

I can’t help but wonder how many people railing against prayer being taken out of school allow their children to spend their time on the X-Box and PS3 playing Call of Duty or Hitman or Grand Theft Auto.  Where is God in that?  Where is God in spending hours on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest?  Where is God on HBO or TNT or most of the network channels?  Where is God in the lyrics of so many of the songs being played over and over.

I am not saying that any of these activities are bad in and of themselves (well, some of the video games are over the top, song lyrics are reprehensible and TV shows full of smut) and some of these things offer opportunities for fellowship where God can be exalted (think Duck Dynasty on A&E!).

The point is, God is wherever we invite Him to be.  God is in our midst whether we are reading the Bible or overindulging at the bar.  God is in our midst whether times are great and we don’t really need him or we are confused and baffled over why 20 children are murdered and we don’t know why He didn’t prevent it.  God is always in our presence.  The question may be do we always seek God so that we can live in His presence?

Grace and peace.

Newtown and Gun Control

17 Monday Dec 2012

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I’m a firm believer that guns are not responsible for the death of people.  Knives are not responsible for the death of people.  Cyanide is not responsible for the death of people.  Fertilizer is not responsible for the death of people.

What do we say to the parents who lost children in China?  What do we say to the Jews?  What do we say to Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims?  What do we say to the families who lost family in Oklahoma City?  What do we say to the victims of drunk drivers?  There are plenty of statistics floating around about the number of drunk driving deaths being higher than random gun violence.

We have to solve the problem, not the symptom or the result.  People are responsible for the death of people.  Hearts that are not right are responsible for the death of people.  Minds that need attention are responsible for the death of people.  When will this country decide to face the problem instead of the result?

To that end, I issue this simple prayer.

Lord, prepare me for battle.  Arm me with every piece of weaponry you armed your son, Jesus, with as he walked the earth.  Give me strength, wisdom, courage and desire to face evil in this world the way Jesus faced evil.  Amen.

Grace and peace.

Hurting

15 Saturday Dec 2012

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What happened in Newtown, CT yesterday was a tragedy that will never be able to be explained.  20 children dead.  6 others killed.  Why?  Why?  Oh Lord, why?

There will be loud and incessant chatter from those blaming God and guns over the next few days and weeks.  All of those people are missing the issue.

I cannot begin to fathom the mental torment of someone who walks into an elementary school and starts killing innocent people.  I cannot.  I cannot begin to fathom the mental torment that a Jeffrey Dahmer, a Unibomber, a Adolf Hitler must be dealing with.  I cannot.  But, I do know it exists.

There are people who choose to take their own life instead of the lives of others.  They too are going through a level of mental torment that many people cannot understand.  It’s a mental torment I am closer to understanding.  Some overcome it.  Many don’t.

The challenge is not that guns are available.  Do we ban ropes?  Sheets?  Knives?  We allow people to operate cars who are drunk.  These are all symptoms of a bigger problem.  A problem revolving around mental and emotional issues.  A problem that is often swept under the rug.  Or ignored.  Or laughed at.  Or locked up.  Certainly a problem that carries a stigma from many of the “normal people” running loose pretending they don’t have problems.

I haven’t met one single person that wouldn’t benefit from counseling.  Not one.  I’ve met a bunch who don’t think they need it or who just won’t go but I don’t know any who haven’t battled wounds and scars that need healing and need help.

We will never legislate evil out of the world.  We will never have enough laws to prevent evil.  Only love has overcome evil and only love will ever overcome evil.  Love for the hurting.  Love for the battle weary; love for the scarred and the scared, the wounded and the hurting, the lost and alone.

Today I will call people I love and tell them I love them and I am here for them.  I will also consciously look for others who are hurting, who are enduring problems that no one wants to talk about.  I will pray that God brings those people my way and allow me to reach out to them, not to fix them, but to only love them.

Grace and peace.

Power

13 Thursday Dec 2012

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It’s something so many of us want.  It’s something that cripples so many.  It’s something that can be a great tool.  It’s something that can be a debilitating weapon.  Power.

I have had power and I have been subjected to power.  I have used it well and I have misused it.  I have been encouraged by it and I have cowered under it.  Power.

Today I wrestle with the power of the emotion of fear.  I am in a vulnerable place where I can choose to cling to faith or live in fear.  I feel like I am losing the battle today, that fear is winning.  I see the collision of all the worst things I can imagine for my life and I see it all playing out.  I wilt under the idea of a great punishment.

Maybe I am simply being dramatic.

I have shared my feelings with a couple of people over the past 3 days and have varied responses.  One was from someone more fearful of my position than I have been.  That certainly had an impact on how I have seen things.  Another believes there is a plan, a way things will work out and I am in the the process of the plan.  Another believes I need to do more to change my situation.  In all these things I try to understand how I feel, what I want to do now, what I want to do next, where I believe I am being led.  In all the wondering, the door opens for fear to creep in and use it’s power to beat me down, to weaken my faith, to lose hope.  The power of fear can make me stop in my tracks, for hours or days, and just imagine that my world is unraveling.

Maybe my world is unraveling.  The virtue of being able to write is that admitting to my fear and it’s power over me, I can almost feel myself releasing the fear and looking at the words that friends have written on Twitter, not directly to me but, that have spoken directly to me.  Last night a friend was encouraging me to be bold in my faith while another person I follow on Twitter wrote, “one of our greatest temptations is to reduce God to the size of our biggest failures.”  (Jonathon Storment)  Wow, that hit me right between the eyes.

I want the rest of this day to be lived in the power of God’s work in my life.  It won’t be easy and even God says it won’t.  The power of fear is ever-present, lurking, ready to suck me in.  I make the choice of whether to give in to the fear or live in faith.  I am calling on God this day to help me, to show me a sign but even if He doesn’t I plan to choose to believe He is here, He is at work, He has a plan for me.  (Ephesians 2:10)

Grace and peace.

Hindsight

10 Monday Dec 2012

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I wonder if I could have count the number of things I wish I had not done had I been able to see what the results would be before I made the choice.  Would I be looking for a job?  Would I be divorced?  Would I be out of shape or have diabetes?  Would I deal with the fear I have?  Would I have the kids I have?  Would I have the connection of friends I have?  Would I have the hope I have?

The DJ’s who pulled the prank on the nurse in England may have rethought their actions if they had known the outcome.  They called and pretended to be the Queen of England checking on her daughter-in-law who was dealing with a recent illness related to her pregnancy.  After the prank was broadcast worldwide, the nurse killed herself leaving children, family and friends behind crushed.

I wish I had the gift of foresight but I do not.  The mistakes I have made and can see more clearly now certainly lead me to take a longer look at some decisions I make yet there are still things I do off the cuff that could lead to negative consequences.  I pray often to see what God wants me to see yet I feel so blind so much of the time.  I find myself wondering if a decision is something I really think God is leading me to or is there something else driving the decision.

While I doubt I will live out my days making the right choice every time but I do have the gift of hindsight, a teacher of experience, that can help me in making better decisions in the future.

I had an uncle who told me that “a jackass with an eyeball in his a**hole can see 20/20 backwards.”  Well, I don’t have a third eyeball nor do I want to be considered a jackass so I must learn from my past and be filled with hope for the future.  The worst decision is making no decision but that is often the draw because it won’t hurt.  I don’t know why the choice often comes down to feeling good or feeling hurt but it’s the challenge of life.  I can easily be led to disengage instead of choosing and risking the outcome.

Today, I hope hindsight will lead me to make better choices but to not fear making a choice and moving forward with hope and courage.

Grace and peace.

Fear

05 Wednesday Dec 2012

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I find myself often living in fear.  Fear of not measuring up to someone else.  Fear of financial insecurity.  Fear of letting people down.  Fear of what people think about me.  Fear of being hurt again.

I thought about standing near a rollercoaster and the quiet you hear as the cars slowly climb a hill and then the screams you hear as the cars come speeding down the other side.  The people knew what they were getting into when they climbed on the rollercoaster but yet the screams come as soon as they cross the peak.  I find myself doing that at times.  I know the journey to the mountaintop has an experience of coming down off the mountaintop yet I find myself sometimes screaming with fear not knowing when the descent will stop or what will happen when I reach the bottom.

Today is one of those days.  I crested last week and now feel like I am hellbent in rapid descent and that the wheels will come off and the big crash is inevitable.  And the moments come where I think “where is God in this?”

The God who did great things in Job’s life.  The God who led His people to the promised land.  The God who fulfilled His promises to Abraham.  The God who saved the world.  Where is that God in this moment of my life, in this blip of time, in this story that started long ago and will run as long as He chooses?  Where is he in my fear?

I know the question I need to ask is “how strong is my faith?”  How long will I wait in prayer and peace for God to show me what He has planned for me?  Waiting isn’t easy when you see money growing thin, when you wonder if you can meet your obligations.  It just isn’t.  I know God hasn’t called me to do easy things but man, I wish it was easier today.

Today will be a test of my faith.  Will I trust God or will I leave Him behind to find my own answers?  Tough question.  Maybe I will have an answer to share tomorrow.

Grace and peace.

Thankfulness

27 Tuesday Nov 2012

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I woke up Monday morning to the news of a 10 year losing his courageous and long battle with cancer.  Today, I spoke with a man helping me find a job whose son committed suicide after his parents went through an ugly divorce.

Every morning I talk to God and tell Him what scares me and what I’m worried about.  It is getting harder and harder to talk about my fears and worries when I hear stories like the two above.  I have incredible friends who love me and surround me with support when times are hard and when things are rolling along.  I have two kids that make me both humble and proud that God would give me such beautiful gifts.  I have gifts, abilities and talents that will allow me to do many things and have a measure of health that still allows me to get around pretty well.  Those are just a few of the good things I have in my life.

As I write this, I keep coming back to the thought of praying each morning and telling God my fears when He has blessed me so generously in this realm yet, so much more, has blessed me with a victory that will last forever.  How simple-minded I see myself at times that I can focus on what I can feel and see when the greatest gifts are unseen.

I hope my prayers will continue to move to prayers of thanksgiving.  Though I know I can still voice my concerns, I hope my focus sees the blessings but much, much more than that, I hope I continue to grow closer and closer to God so that my focus is on His will and what He has in store for me…today and for eternity.  I have so much to be thankful for and I give God all the glory for the beauty in my life and for His continual presence when life isn’t as beautiful.

I ask that you say a prayer for Rex’s family as they grieve his loss and for Hank and his healing from losing his precious son.

Grace and peace.

Out of Control

23 Friday Nov 2012

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I know people who want total control over their lives (and over the lives of people around them in some cases) and when they don’t have it, become combative, defensive, offensive, mean.  Others become depressed and withdrawn.  Others just keep going faster and faster on a journey to complete flame-out.

I can control one thing and that is how much trust I will put in God.

I’m in a position where the world says I need to be worried, frenetic, and busy.  The world has had some influence because I have given in to all of these things.  At the same time, God tells me he has plans for me (Ephesians 2:10) and if I am to believe that, I should have peace and optimism about what the future holds.

I find it interesting to watch the reaction of Christians when I tell them that I am trusting God, that I am using this time to rest and recover from the busy-oholic life I have been living.  It does not mean I am not working to change my position.  After all, faith without works is dead, right?  However, while I work I am putting more faith in God to open the right doors and I am praying that God does more than I can imagine in this time.

I’m getting some rest (I still haven’t learned to slow down enough to appreciate Sabbath), my health is getting better and my mind is starting to work like it used to again.  I credit this to faith.  To letting controlling what I can and giving control of what I cannot do to God.  I want to be out of control and for Him to be in control.

Grace and peace.

Thanksgiving

22 Thursday Nov 2012

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It’s a day in America where we stop to give thanks (and, apparently shop for the best holiday bargains).  A day.  I need to work on that in my life.

Father God, may I remember to give thanks everyday.  May I learn to live a life of thanksgiving.  I pray I will give you the challenges and burdens of the day while never forgetting to thank you for the one and only thing that really has meaning for me, your love, mercy, grace, and salvation.  Father, my desire this day is to be thankful every day, all day, for what truly has meaning and that the things of life will be seen with perspective for who you are and for all you have given me and sacrificed for me.

May the words of my lips and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you Lord and may my actions reflect your love.  May I learn to see people the way you see them and I pray I will learn to treat them with all the compassion and love you have shown me.

Thank you for Jesus, for His life and example, for His death and love and for His resurrection and the hope He gives me and all men.

In the Holy name of Jesus I pray, amen.

Grace and peace.