Category Archives: Faith

Heart Transplant

03 Thursday Apr 2014

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Several years ago I did a sermon based on a friend who had a heart transplant.  The idea of the lesson was that is what God does for us when we decide to be a disciple of Jesus.  He gives us a new spiritual heart.  The desires, the hopes, the goals that pumped out of my heart changed when I decided to follow Jesus.  My new spiritual heart gave me new life.  Eternal life.

Last night I got to hear another story of a woman who had undergone a heart transplant.  The story of her suffering and her fear was real and left many people with tears streaming down their face.  The story of the life that was lost to give her a new heart was heartbreaking.  The story of the victory and the incredible recovery that doctors cannot explain is uplifting.  There were several comments she made that resonated with me.

Our misery is the worst misery we know.  She struggled at times.  She questioned God at times.  She didn’t understand why she was going through all of those things.  She could also look at others and think she was grateful she didn’t know their misery but it didn’t make her misery less painful.  Oh, how I experience that every day.

Our story is meant to be shared.  Others going through difficult times need to know they are not alone even when our walks may be somewhat different.  We don’t share so we can tell them what to do though.  We share so they know we are there when they need to grab onto something to keep from falling into oblivion.  I know that feeling from both sides.

We are victors.  Psalms 23 says, “when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”  David didn’t say when we are made to live forever in the valley or that we would be stuck in the valley.  We walk through it.  I feel like I have been walking through the valley for years but I keep walking.  Along the way I am reminded that I have great kids, that I have met a wonderful woman and that I have friends who help carry me at times.  I’m still walking through it and “through it” is something I need to remember.  Winston Churchill is credited with say, “when you are going through hell, keep going.”  He stole that from Psalms 23 I think.

I am reminded that we are not promised easy days.  Man, how I want some easy days.  I dread coming to work many days but I need the paycheck and I want to make a difference.  There’s so much opposition to me making that difference and it comes from the attitudes of the leadership.  That’s hard to face but I keep walking through it.  Maybe, one day, the valley will lead me out of here in a different direction.  Maybe, one day, I’ll find myself on the mountaintop and out of this pit.  So, I keep walking through it.

Heart transplants, like all good things from above, don’t come without pain, without surgery, without course corrections, without misery and yet it leads to life.  I can’t wait to have an abundant life.  A life with less turmoil, less stress, less worries.  Some of that will come from inside of me and much of it will come from God.  I pray he is speedy.  Until then, I keep walking through it.

Grace and peace.

The Weight/Wait

31 Monday Mar 2014

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I’m supposed to be at Opening Day at Globe Life Park today cheering on the Texas Rangers, soaking in the sun and enjoying the pageantry of the first day of baseball season.  Instead, I’m 3 hours south in a boring little town on a dreary, cloudy day.  That just ain’t right!

Following God isn’t easy.  We are promised so much but sometimes the weight of our situation and the wait for God’s actions are hard.  I’ve got financial struggles that are heavy on me.  I’ve got emotional struggles that are heavy on me.  I want to throw off the load and let God help but so far nothing has changed.  I want to unload the weight off my shoulders (and mind) because it is wearing me down.  It’s too heavy to keep carrying.  I know God can handle it.  I know God can do unbelievable things.  Yet, I wait for him to remove the weight.  I wait.  And wait.

It seems like I’ve been waiting for months, even years.  And I keep waiting.  I read the stories of God doing great things for his people and sometimes they had to wait years and years and years.  I don’t know if I can make it 40 years waiting on God but those who did saw his faithfulness.  It isn’t easy.  The weight is heavy.  The wait is hard.

I am blessed with good people in my life.  They encourage me to wait on God.  I am thankful to have strong Bible teachers and preachers in my life who can deliver a message I need to hear.  They encourage me to wait on God.

The weight is heavy.  Today is one of those days where I am feeling the strain.  I so deeply want God to come lift it off today, to show me his provision and make it evident and to allow me to quit waiting and let me walk into a land of milk and honey.  I need that today.  I have already begged for it today.

So I wait.  I wait for God.  Some call me crazy.  Others don’t understand.  I may be crazy and I don’t know that I understand it myself.

Yet, in faith I wait.  I will continue to beg God to act quickly, to take me to a place where I can see and live in his bountiful goodness and where I can glorify Him for taking the weight off of me.  Until then, I will still have faith, I will wait and I will choose to believe that He is acting and will act in accordance to His plan I cannot comprehend or understand today.  I trust Him to be true to me.

In faith I will wait.  It is not with joy I wait but with a trust that He will see me through.  In faith I will wait.

Grace and peace.

Outrage to Action

28 Friday Mar 2014

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It’s easy for me to see and analyze the world’s problems. I mean, they are all so obvious that it isn’t hard for me to see them and pick them apart.

Yes, I am that guy. I go to a retail store and I can pick apart the service or cleanliness or merchandising. Twenty years in retail will do that to you. I go to a restaurant and I can quickly analyze all the things they could do to serve me faster and better. Eating too much will do that to you. I can go to a car dealership, a movie, wherever, and I can quickly analyze the problems and come up with a list of solutions. I simply know what I like and think everyone should cater to me.

I can do it with churches too. And, best of all, I can do it with people. Yes, I have the ability to look around, see everyone’s problems and have answers for how they could all live better lives. As long as it doesn’t affect me of course. Or worse, cause me to look in the mirror.

I wrote a post recently about “the church’s” outrage at government and how misplaced I think it can be at times (see it here Outrage for What?). Here’s the thing with outrage. It’s a good emotion when it leads me to do something about it. You see, it’s when I take the outrage and do something about it that I gain credibility. Complainers are not credible people. Resolvers are credible people. Sure, complainers can stand on their soapboxes that look like pulpits or blogs or books or podcasts or social media and get noticed yet their complaining rarely resolves anything.

The other day, I ran across a blog post from 2003 and the writer was “debunking the myth of Mother Teresa.” He had reasons why she wasn’t really healing the sick or protecting the poor and he certainly blasted her for her Catholic faith. He gave examples of things she said and wrote to cast her as a non-Protestant at best and a non-believer at worst. As a bit of a radical in my faith tradition, I found myself agreeing with much of her thoughts the author was castigating and found others to be insignificant. He did mention some of what he reported was said or written in 1984. Oh my, if people went back 30 years on me to find out what I was up to they may bolt and chain the church doors to keep me out.

For a moment, I was outraged at the blog author and sat in my chair questioning what efforts he was making first-hand with the poor and sick. However, the longer I thought about it, the more I thought it was me who needed to examine myself for my outrage. What have I done recently to help the poor? How have I reached out lately to touch the sick?

I pray my outrage will continue as long as it drives me to right wrongs, to help others and to see with the eyes of God so I can be his instrument of peace and hope on earth.

Grace and peace.

This post was originally written and posted at Word For Today.

 

 

There Are Battles

13 Thursday Mar 2014

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When you stop to think about it, I’m not a very cheerful writer.  I talk about my difficulties, my obstacles, the things that knock me to my knees.  Those things are often front of mind because I know so many other people who struggle and are afraid to admit it.  Or don’t know they can admit it.  Or don’t think they have an acceptable outlet to admit it.  I’m always on the lookout for those people to let them know, YES, there are battles.  AND, yes, we can overcome them.  Or at least get through them.

Last week, I had the privilege to speak to men at a church in a fairly small Texas town.  A country town.  An agricultural town.  A man’s man town.

I talked about Job.  I talked about struggles.  I talked about some dark days I have been through.  I assured them that we can look at Job’s life and know that one day things will be better.  The wounds may not completely heal.  The scars may not go away.  One day things will be better.  In this life or another but God will lead us through if we are faithful.  That doesn’t mean perfect.  In my darkest hours, I yell at God, furiously, with anger and say things I shouldn’t say.  My darkness hurts.  Bad.  Yet, I get through it because I eventually remember that I am not in control of this messed up world and I simply need to look for a sliver of light in the moment.

Two men approached me after the lesson with the same message.  “I don’t think I would have killed myself but I have faced a challenge that was so dark, I can now understand how someone could go there.”

Wow.  These were two men’s men, show no weakness, pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of men.  At that moment, I was there outlet to say something they have never said to anyone else.  Their outlet to let it go.  Their outlet to be affirmed that darkness sometimes overwhelms us.

I’m sure some people get tired of listening to my darkness stories but some people need to know that there is someone out there who understands, who empathizes and has compassion for others who face darkness.  I like to think of myself as an instrument of peace, a place where they can share hurt and find peace on the other side.  I like to think that is how God uses me.

Next week will be some of my points from the lesson on Job.  Nothing new.  Nothing profound.  Just simple thoughts from a simple brain that hopefully will help me always remember that there is light coming to take over darkness.

I am blessed.  I have two incredible kids.  I have the love of a remarkable woman.  I have some incredible friends who I can share anything with who will pick me up and help hold me upright until I’m ready to walk on my own again.  There is light in my darkness.  Always has been.  Always will be.

Grace and peace.

Then There’s That…

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

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It’s National Signing Day and the Red Hot Chili Peppers were miming at the Super Bowl but there’s two other stories I’m focused on over exploiting young men for money (schools make lots off the sweat of these kids) and pre-recorded music (I just happen to listen to pre-recorded music everyday since my truck isn’t big enough to load up the band for a live performance).

First, CVS is going to drop the sale of cigarettes.  Let me rephrase that.  CVS is going to drop $1,500,000,000 in annual sales.  Yes, that’s billions of dollars.  It’s important to know the next thing I’m going to say is a little hypocritical but here goes.  Guess where I’m going to start buying my medicines and shopping more?  Yes, CVS!  Sure, I’ll still shop at Wal-Mart that sells cigarettes and Little Debbie snack cakes that taste so good but don’t really help a Type 2 Diabetic in the long term but I’ll take more of my dollars to CVS than I have in the past.  Good on them for standing up for what they believe is right.

Second story, Ken Ham and Bill Nye debating creationism.  I didn’t hear the debate and didn’t know about it until this morning.  I read a TIME article and then started reading the comments.  Lots of non-believers weighing in on the fallacy of the Bible and pointing out many of the things we believers wish we didn’t have to think about (slavery, God taking lives, why and OT and NT if it’s all perfect) at times.  So, why do I have faith and someone else doesn’t.  Why, in all my struggles, through divorce and financial turmoil, do I still pray to God even when I’m angry with Him and another guy doesn’t believe at all who is in the same boat.  Or, someone who is doing much better off than me?  The Bible isn’t a perfect book for people who want to believe in something they can understand.  It’s only a perfect book for those of us who choose to believe in something we cannot comprehend.  My faith is constantly tested and I cannot explain why I continue to walk in faith to someone who wants a logical answer.  It’s just not logical.  To curse God and walk away seems much more logical to me.  Yet, I choose faith.

Oh Lord, I want Jesus to come and come soon.  I don’t seek death, I simply seek Heaven and life where there is no more pain, no more night, where existence is utter joy and complete peace.

Grace and peace.

When Whining Doesn’t Work

07 Tuesday Jan 2014

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I’ve been reading and listening to Dr. Brene Brown a lot recently.  She has some incredible research on shame, vulnerability and fear and I’m soaking it all in.  One of her comments is that her “gift” is to research and understand these areas because it puts joy, happiness and love in context for her.  I feel that statement describes me perfectly.  I seem to enjoy looking at suffering and the pain of life events, not to dwell in the darkness but to appreciate the context of light.

So, I sit here, in a foreign place away from friends and family and love and wonder why?  Why me?  Why here?  Why now?

And then, I read a blog where the author writes about peace in uncertainty and how we can thrive in uncertain times.  HEY LADY, can’t I just whine for a while?

A close friend sends me an email with Joshua 1:8 in a note and it leads me to my Bible where I’ve highlighted Joshua 1:9.  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD you God will be with you wherever you go.

Today is one of those days I’m led to see light in context, to see goodness in the midst of hurt, to feel hope when I’m down.  Tomorrow night I start a class at church I’ve been waiting for, one that I believe will rock my world and turn me upside down and inside out.  I think I’m in this time and place for different reasons, one certainly being what I believe I’ll experience over the next 7-8 Wednesday nights.

I say I whine but really I think I just feel authentic pain in my situation.  Then a day like today comes along and I see the pain in context and know I am allowed to see pain so I can empathize with others; and I’m allowed to see light so I can promise those in pain there is hope.

Grace and peace.

Black Eyed Peas

03 Friday Jan 2014

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I like the food but I’m not crazy about the band.  I had some black eyed peas this New Years Day as I have done for years and this was the last year.  Here’s why and it’s a little secret you may not want to share with everyone.  Black eyed peas don’t bring luck.  Or, if they do bring luck, I’m tired of the luck they are bringing me and rather go it alone in 2015.  Yes, I’m only 3 days into 2014 and already thinking they didn’t work.

Here’s what works.  Perseverance.  I would say it’s the only thing that brings luck but I suppose I don’t believe in luck.  Instead, I believe every event is a destiny event on a continuum of events.  I have persevered through some storms in life and perseverance has always led me through them.  Oh, I’m still in some of them and I’m still persevering.

Think of the options.  Giving up. Alcohol and drugs. Gambling. Women. Laziness. Eating. Yes, even suicide. Honestly, I’ve tried several of them.  At times I gave up on perseverance and relied on something else to get me through and while I still got through a lot of stuff, those choices often caused other problems along the way.

I have friends who tell me how strong I am.  HA!  I feel like I’m about to fall over at any minute.  I don’t sleep.  My health isn’t great.  I don’t like quietness or stillness anymore.  I don’t focus well.  I do still persevere though.  In spite of those challenges, I continue to press on.  Sleeping when I can.  Trying to eat better and exercise at least twice a year.  Attempting to accept quietness and stillness as a gift.  Trying to shut off all the external and simply to be in the moment.  It’s not always easy but what is?

I don’t feel strong but I do know perseverance is making me stronger.  Black eyed peas don’t do it.  Paralysis through worry of what I can’t control doesn’t do it.  Hopelessness and quitting doesn’t do it.  Persevering does.  Even when I feel weak, I know my friends see something I just can’t see right now because I’m in the middle of pulling the load, of marching uphill (walking 10 miles in the snow barefoot and all that good stuff too) and continuing to move forward.  Praying.  Hoping.  Accepting what is.  Persevering.

I’m not telling you to quit your black eyed peas if you like them.  It’s all well and good.  Just know that perseverance sustains me much more than black eyed peas ever has.  And luck, well it’s just a figment of the imagination.

Grace and peace.

Let’s Get Ready To Rumbllllleeeeeeee…

19 Thursday Dec 2013

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I think God enjoys wrestling with me.  The past few years have been spiritual wrestling matches where I’ve battled who I thought I was and what I thought had been taught and knew.  The changes have been crazy at times, painful at times and full of peace and joy at times.  I’m wrestling again.

I’ve found much comfort the past year in reading Jesus Calling.  I feel like it speaks directly to me and my situation so often.  I know many other people who feel the same way but I’m sure it was written directly to me some days.  Today is one of those days where the words take me to the wrestling mat.

The past 15 years of my life have been a struggle.  Personal relationships, business relationships, intimate relationships…struggle, struggle, struggle.  Through it all I have consistently grown closer to God.  There are days I feel like I have no faith left, none whatsoever, and then I find myself praying to God telling him I’ve run out of faith.  Sounds kind of crazy to pray to the being you’ve lost faith in, huh?  So, I take it my faith is growing stronger because I say things to God that would scare many people I know.  I think I’m either crazy or my faith is so strong I can say anything to God and believe he deals with it pretty well.  Maybe he laughs at my foolishness.  Maybe he gets a little angry and wants to throw a lightning bolt at me.

I remember a time I was telling my daughter she needed to do a better job of something and she fired back, “well, I don’t have a very good example, do I?”  BOOM!  My first inclination was to tell her how the cow at the cabbage, show her who’s boss, put my foot down…all those things.  But I held my tongue and soaked it in that day.  The next day, I reminded her of the conversation and then threw this little zinger back at her.  “Honey, if I’m your example, your sights are set far too low.  When Jesus is your example, then you will be on target.”

I can’t help but think that’s what God is trying to tell me.  I’m frustrated because I see a tormentor having an easier life and living better than me.  “Jeff, if that’s your example of a good life, your sights are set way too low.  Look at Jesus’ life and follow his example.”  I’m frustrated because I’m not sleeping in my own bed most nights and not near the people I want to see every chance I get.  “Jeff, it those are the things you are focused on, your sights are set way too low.  Focus on Jesus.  Remember what he did and why he did it.  Be his disciple even when it’s uncomfortable.”

I’ve got to be honest and say I don’t think God is telling me to be happy in my circumstances or even to be grateful.  Oh, I’ve read James 1:2 and I still don’t think it’s God telling me to be happy about my pain and frustration and fears.  No, I think he’s telling me to focus on what is really important.

Traveling To A Star

17 Tuesday Dec 2013

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It was a good weekend at home (once I got past the 4 hour, traffic-heavy drive).  I saw my daughter and got to spend a little time with her.  I slept in my own bed.  I got to see friends I miss and some I haven’t seen in a while.  I spent some time with someone who encourages me and makes me believe I can do things I don’t want to even think about doing.  I petted my dog more in 2 days than I have in 2 weeks.  I fed the goat anything I could just to make him happy.  I was shocked by how much ice was still on the ground at my house.  It was a good weekend.

Then, like that, I’m back in a foreign place, hauling my bags into a foreign room, checking mice traps (no mice thank goodness – hoping they aren’t smart mice just avoiding the traps) and thinking about the next 4 nights/5 days in a place where I don’t know anyone, don’t have much access to what’s going on in the world and work at a place where no one is quite sure why I’m here due to the (lack of) communication flowing.  Tomorrow, another player in the scene will show up and I’ll learn more, hopefully understanding more.  Then, I will see how this will play out, whether what I can bring to the table will be used or if I’ll be stonewalled.

I was thinking this weekend that the two main characters are more in need of mediation than anyone I’ve talked to in a long, long time.  Guess what – I have a certificate in mediation from the great State of Texas.  I’m qualified to help these guys and believe I can help these guys.  The question is whether either one of them want help.  That said, I am feeling more and more like there is a purpose for me here.  I don’t understand why it has to take me away from the people I love.  I’m still a little scared.  Still a little faithless.

I told a friend that I like the idea of purpose but when I look at the great characters of the Bible, their stories had eternal purpose.  They were bringing a message of God, about the Savior.  I’m trying to help some people build more trailers and make more money.  That’s when the thought popped into my head, “what if I’m here for more than money?  What if I’m here to show these guys something greater than what we accomplish here, what if I’m here to show them eternal purpose?”

What if…?

I started reading a book by Brene Brown today.  GREAT STUFF.  Anyway, in the intro, she says something to the effect that self-understanding is like traveling to a star.  We can never reach it but it gets brighter the closer we get.  (That’s all my paraphrase.)  I may not see the whole purpose for this journey but it’s a little brighter today than it was last week.

I still miss home though.  I miss the people I want to hold and to hug.

Instead, I’m traveling to a star.

Grace and peace.

And Then There’s This…

13 Friday Dec 2013

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Another day, another part of the journey.

I called a friend of the man who hired me yesterday to see if we could have lunch.  I had the sense he was a spiritual man and I thought he could give me insight into some of the players in this messed up situation I find myself working in.  On the way to lunch, at lunch and on the way back the man is quoting scripture like he has a Bible in front of him.  When we pull up to the office, he throws out Jeremiah 33:2-3 which I’ll paraphrase into “God knows way more than I can, even knows what I would never imagine.”  Then I read Jesus Calling yesterday and the devo basically says, “I got this.  I know way more than you and see way more than you.  There are things I’m working on in your behalf you can’t fathom.”

I guess I should be listening to all this, right?

If I think God has used me to talk to people, isn’t it realistic that he is talking to me through other people?  Or writings?

What I hear is “quit worrying, goober.  I’m taking care of things you can’t begin to imagine or understand, or at least, you don’t need to understand or know right now.  Relax.  Take care of today and I’ll take care of the tomorrows.”

I wish it was that easy.  I wish I was that quick of a learner.  I wish my faith was deeper.  I wish, I wish, I wish.  I guess all of that is what is in my hands.  I want to make the big decisions and God simply wants me to make little ones.

Grace and peace.