Category Archives: Faith

Quotes

01 Wednesday May 2013

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I’ve read a couple of things yesterday that I want to post and have to go back to.

“The hardest thing in the world is to be where we are.” – Rowan Williams 

How true is this?  I want to be somewhere else most of the time.  When I had a job, I wanted to be somewhere else.  Now that I’m looking for a job, I want to be somewhere else.  I’m learning a lot about living in the present moment…and APPRECIATING the present moment for what it is and what God wants to reveal in it.  It reminds me of something a friend said to me not long ago, “the grass is greenest where we water it.”

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
    apart from you I have no good thing.” – Psalms 16:2 

All that I have can disappear in a flash.  My house.  My stuff.  My relationships.  Oh, how I fear losing those things but what do they mean if I’m not walking with God in this present moment?  My struggle today is that I feel like I am putting my full trust and faith in God and may still end up losing some of these things but they are not important in the long term.  My relationship and faith in God is, however.

“This is where you are meant to live – in the present; it is the place where I always await you.  Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me.” – Jesus Calling by Sarah Young 

Interesting that I read this on the same day I was reading Psalms 16.  Does God want me to get something through my head?  The challenge is that I believe I am living more and more in that dependency but I keep expecting to see answers to my prayers in that living.  Maybe I’m not fully dependent yet?  Or maybe I’m still in training.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I want to live more like a disciple of Christ but, man, it is hard for me to do much of the time.

“Rejection is the most painful wound you will ever receive because it is the most painful wound God ever experienced.” ~Robert Morris -Gateway Church

Rejection.  Wow.  Rejection by employers.  Rejection by friends.  Rejection by spouses.  Rejection of ideas and hopes and dreams.  I like to tell myself I handle rejection well but I just bottle it up and put it on a shelf.  Then, when a situation comes up that reminds me of the old wound, I go open the bottle and drink from it so I can build walls and protect myself from the possibility of more rejection.  I’m so thankful God doesn’t deal with rejection like I do.  I pray I can begin to deal with rejection more like God does.

I’m learning to live a different life.  I’m learning to see things differently.  I wish I knew where it was all headed.  I’m impatient.  An old friend, Jerry Meade, once told me that God is slow…at least in our version of time.  One more thing for me to accept and work out in my own life.  Be patient.  Have faith.  Quit trying to fit God in my box of how things should look.  Tough stuff.  And yet, hope and faith are all I have right now.  All I have is hope in Him and His power to do great things through me.  Let that be enough for today.

Another friend gave me one of those rubber bracelets once that said “MY GOD IS BIG ENOUGH.”  I wish I still had that bracelet.  Instead, I will try to keep that thought in my head all day today.

Grace and peace.

And then there’s the new day…

30 Tuesday Apr 2013

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Darkness before the dawn?  Rain before the sunshine?  Storm before the calm?

I’m in a place in life I don’t understand and I don’t particularly care for.  At least in my way of thinking.  Today, I keep wondering what God is thinking.  His ways are not my ways.  His thoughts are not my thoughts.  I was reading Jesus Calling (thank you Sarah Young!) this morning and this sentence is hanging with me, “The secret of being thankful is learning to see everything from My perspective.”  Seeing things thorough God’s perspective is a gift I haven’t mastered yet.  I can look back and see it but seeing it in the here and now is difficult.  I told a friend the other day I wish God would hand me the script so I would know the ending and then I would patiently wait.  Of course, that’s probably not true either.

As I sit here today, trying to understand God’s perspective, I try to remember that He didn’t give me a journey of living in the Middle East, He didn’t give me the journey of a crippling disease, He didn’t give me the journey of being imprisoned, He didn’t give me a lot of journeys that seem so hard.  On the other hand, He is giving me a journey of waiting and wondering.  How long?  Will I be able to meet the obligations, financial and otherwise, I told people I would meet?  Today, waiting and wondering is my journey.  And I will be thankful this day.  That doesn’t mean I won’t miss some of the good things He has put in my life or that I won’t feel loneliness or sadness.  It just means in those times today, I will try to stop and see it from God’s perspective and try to understand what He wants me to see and feel and know today.

I share my scariest thoughts here but it is good for me to release them.  Today, I want to release those scary thoughts into God’s hands and see what He wants to do with them and with me.

Grace and peace.

It’s a Struggle

29 Monday Apr 2013

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This weekend has been a hard few days.  Physically.  Emotionally.  I feel alone.  I read Psalms 13 a few times this weeknd and it resonated.  Then I read it in the Message version and it jumped off the pages at me.

Long enough, God.  You’ve ignored me long enough.  I’ve looked at the back of your head long enough.  Long enough I’ve carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain.  Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me.  Take a good look at me, God, my God, I want to look life in the eye, So no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face.  I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms – I’m celebrating your rescue.  I’m singing at the top of my lungs, I’m so full of answered prayers.

I don’t know David’s full intent when writing this but I can see my life in it.  I am ready to look life in the eye, to see God’s purpose for my coming days, to stop the people who speak negatively about me.  I hear their words and they sting.  Not so much that the words hurt but who they are being said to and what damage that is causing.  I want to celebrate.  I want to show people what happens when you put your full faith in God, how He rescues, how He saves.

But today, I simply join David in crying out “Long enough, Lord, long enough.”

Grace and peace.

I Wish I Was…

08 Monday Apr 2013

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“People are often unreasonable and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.  If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.  If you are honest, people may cheat you.  Be honest anyway.  If you find happiness, people may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.  The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good.  Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.  Give your best anyway.  For you see, in the end it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.”
– Attributed to Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I wish I was always mindful of these words.  Too often, I find my identity in what others think.  Too often, my actions are based on fear of how I think others see me or judge me.  Too often, I think the way the world thinks, or encourages me to think, instead of listening for God’s wisdom.

I am on a journey that has a lot of bumps in the road, many twists and turns and obstacles that tempt me to change course.  Just yesterday, while thinking things were going my way, something negative happens and it challenges me to put a damper on how I see everything.

Today is a new day with many challenges.  I wish I knew I would see them all for what they are and keep moving forward.  Maybe I will.  If I can simply remind this journey is between God and me I will keep moving forward, maybe slower at times, but always forward.

I remember the story of Job and it reminds me that endurance and perseverance are not without wounds and losses.  This world is hard.  I’m ready for the next but know I must keep going, persevering, until the end.  There is a reward waiting AND there are good things along the journey.  My focus and my heart have much to do with how I see the journey and accept it’s joys and it’s challenges.

I wish I was able to see it all as Mother Teresa writes.  Maybe I will soon.

Grace and peace.

I’ll Go There

29 Friday Mar 2013

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As I write this, the Supreme Court is still talking about the rights of homosexuals to marry.  Yes, I’m going there today.

First, I am opposed to homosexual marriage.  I believe in the Biblical context of marriage between a man and a woman.  Said another way, I use the Bible as my sole guide for marriage and who is represented in marriage.

While some may think me simpleminded for my belief, I will still take my stand based on my understanding of God’s word.  On the other hand, it is also God’s word that gives me pause in the ways I see many proclaimed Christians handling the matter.  Those claiming to represent Christ might back off their often loud, heated, rude and agitating statements about homosexuals and gay marriage.  In one Facebook thread I was reading, I saw one young man representing Christianity labeling several detractors as “morons.” I’m trying to remember when Jesus took that approach.

Instead of battling against gay marriage, what if Christ-followers engage in showing the love of Jesus in our words and our actions.  Granted, there is a time to share consequences of decisions but when people hear more about the consequences without the presence of love and relationship, the words of condemnation ring hollow.

Yesterday, I posted about fear of rejection and vulnerability.  When I am fearing rejection, I typically do not want to listen to more rejection.  I need love.  I need to be built up in relationship.  I need to feel strength and courage being poured into me.  I cannot help but wonder if some people on the other side of this argument feel the same way.

When people are looking for acceptance, the rejection and “going to hell” messages of (hopefully) well-intentioned people do not show love, do not build up.  Tell me about “tough love” and I’ll tell you about rationalization.  I cannot help but wonder how effective the story of the loving father would be had he simply shown “tough love”.

I struggle with understanding the love and acceptance of Christ for myself.  I am guessing that there are many on the other side of this debate that share that struggle with me.  If I, and others, could fully understand the depth and breadth of Christ’s love I wonder if my failings in giving into temptation and sin would end.  If I can show the guy on the other side of the issue true acceptance in Christ, does he become more open to reading the Gospel message, of Christ’s teaching, in a different light than he sees it now?

I say all this thinking about some friends I have, people I love dearly, who identify themselves as homosexuals.  I love them fiercely and would go toe to toe with anyone threatening them or condemning them.  That’s God’s decision to make.  However, they know what I believe about Christ’s teaching about our actions AND they know I love them.  If they choose to marry someone of the same sex, they will know that I don’t agree with that choice but that my love for them, through Christ and because of Christ, will never waiver.  They may be hurt that I don’t agree with their actions and it may even damage the relationship but it will not be because my love for them has changed

For far too long, I have believed that Christians abdicated their responsibility to the government and are now reaping what they have sown.  I hope Christ-followers begin to act in a way that shows our battle is not against a Supreme Court ruling but against a spiritual battle that swirls around us.  Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against dark forces that we cannot clearly see until we are fully engaged in a dark fight with and from damaging choices.

I wonder if there is any room to doubt the significance of this case being on the forefront of our national news at the same time Christendom is celebrating the death of the old life and the birth of a new life.  Is it a sign of where my focus needs to be; on a court ruling or on the risen Savior?

Grace and peace.

Dikembe Mutombo

28 Thursday Mar 2013

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Dikembe is collecting some dough doing a GEICO commercial where he goes around blocking, or rejecting, several “shots” saying “not in my house!”  It was something he was good at in his NBA years.

Rejection is a part of life  Some people handle it well.  I don’t.  As I wrote my blog that posted yesterday I couldn’t help but think how the words sound great, how Christ is pouring into me, yet rejection – even the fear of it – hurts so much.  What has happened to me that causes me to fear rejection so badly?  What causes me to let someone get close and then to swat them away and say “not in my house!”  The following was on a friends site the other day…

The spirit of Rejection will change your personality. It will put up walls to keep you from being vulnerable. It will create a world of defense mechanisms so you don’t run the risk of being rejected ever again. This fear of being vulnerable caused by the Rejection will destroy your body because it takes your peace and puts the focus on self-protection instead of trust in God and being love to other people.

The solution is to accept that you are accepted in love by God and therefore even if man rejects you or hurts you, you are not rejected. You are accepted regardless of your circumstances because God said so. Let’s ask God to help us see ourselves through His eyes of love so we can reject Rejection and be who we truly were created to be!

I share love with lots of people.  I am transparent and very vulnerable with lots of people.  I will share the pain of my heart, I will be compassionate, I will love them and the fear of vulnerability does not exist at that level.

There is a love for my fellow man that I give freely and I accept freely and I am not afraid of negative consequences.  And there is another love, the love of a special someone, the love of someone I would come to rely on in the most intimate and vulnerable settings, that I am not willing to share or open up to the pain that could come from it.

Three people that I have loved and trusted have ripped at my heart and left deep, gaping wounds in recent years.  Wounds take time to heal and mine seem like they heal slowly.  Getting older has only seemed to exasperate the healing process.  I think some people get impatient with me.  Others have given up that I will ever heal.  Maybe it’s that I am too patient…or, a better way of saying it, I am comfortable with the walls that protect my heart from another rejection.

Christ healed Paul’s wounds relatively quickly.  I have no doubt He can do it when and where He feels it most appropriate.  Paul had a very important mission and a calling that left little time for slow healing.  I wonder what my situation is.  Has Jesus called me to a quicker healing and I wouldn’t accept it?  Or, is He allowing my wounds to heal slowly while preparing me for the next step?

I do believe in His power to heal.  I do believe in His power to pour into me the way He poured into Paul.

I just wish I knew the timing.

Grace and peace.

Emphasis His

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. – 1 Timothy 1:12-14 (Emphasis mine)

As I read the words of Paul, I am often thinking about how his words connect with me, how I connect with his sin.  As I read these words recently, I focused on what Paul states Jesus has done in his life, all that Jesus has poured into him (Paul).  It’s easy for me to be introspective about my faults but I do not focus enough on looking at what Jesus has and is doing inside of me.  As I emphasize the words of Paul’s writing in this section of scripture, it becomes more obvious to see the emphasis Christ puts on, and in, me.

Grace and peace.

Paul and Me

18 Monday Mar 2013

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I’m sure it would have been cool to hang out with the Beatles.  Or the Rolling Stones.  Motley Crue.  Willie.  Mumford and Sons.  You get the idea.  How often I thought it would be fun to hang out with the rich and famous and live their lifestyle for awhile.

Maybe I’m on the verge of crazy but…

I wish I could hang out with Paul.  Paul who was Saul.  Paul who was jailed and beaten.  Paul who had unusual strength.  Paul who may have been more famous in his time than any of those listed above.

I’ve recently reconnected with a friend who encourages me in my blogging.  When we used to see each other more, my life was very different.  It looked good on the outside and I hid the blemishes well.  (Blemishes is a pretty way of saying catastrophic failings.)  Now, the “blemishes” are better known and have been exposed.  I want to reconnect with him, share things I have learned and how it is shaping me and soak up what I can from what he has learned from his journey.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Paul and me.  I can’t really fathom what Paul went through but when I read his writings, I feel connected and I think it is one piece of scripture that I read that gives me the feeling we are linked.  Maybe I see myself worse than I am.  Maybe I see myself just as I am.  Whatever, if he asks where I see myself now, I would reference Paul’s first letter to Timothy, the first chapter and verses 12-17.

Paul says he is the worst of sinners.  Maybe, but I sure think I can give him a run for his money.  Sure, he may have stoned some people and had others put to death physically.  I think I have done that to people emotionally, or God forbid, spiritually.  I connect with Paul when he says he is the worst but that isn’t why I love this passage of his writing.  It’s the rest of the story because it gives me great hope.  So often I am mired in my past.  Jesus is fixated on today…and what He is calling me to in the days to come.  Paul knew that.  I want to know it too.  I want to live in it, revel in it, reap joy in abundance in the knowledge of God’s grace and mercy and love.

It’s a journey; a journey I hope to travel with my buddy Paul, walking in the footsteps of my Savior.

Grace and peace.

Here’s part of Paul’s letter from The Message (emphasis mine).

15-19 Here’s a word you can take to heart and depend on: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I’m proof—Public Sinner Number One—of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off—evidence of his endless patience—to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever.

Deep honor and bright glory
to the King of All Time—
One God, Immortal, Invisible,
ever and always. Oh, yes!

Full Circle

15 Friday Mar 2013

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Depending on how things go today I may come back and explain the title a little more.  In the meantime it’s a reminder for me how crazy life can be at times.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
© Abbey of Gethsemani

I appreciate so much of what Merton has to say in his writings.  His ability to communicate continually reminds me of a desire to move to a monastery and live the life of a monk.  The peace of consistency.  The joy of silence.  The time to think and write.  I just wonder if the beds are comfortable and the food is good.  I digress.

I don’t know what this day will bring but it could be a game-changer.

God, you’ve got this, right?  I’m trusting you this day.

Grace and peace.