Category Archives: Faith

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I always like The Clash song asking should I stay or should I go?  It’s a question I have had so many times in various situations.  I feel like I’m in one now.  Do I stay the course I’m on, attempting to do the things I want to do or do I go towards a more conservative course, one where my dreams may get squeezed, my hopes blanketed?

It’s not an easy question.  Of course, I have many people willing to weigh in and I appreciate their thoughts but they are sometimes just as confusing.  One friend yesterday advocated one thing that takes the wind out of my sails but makes fiscal sense.  Another friend advocated pursuing my dreams, trusting that the risk is worth the reward…buy a little scary.

In the meantime, I feel like my life is momentarily on hold.  Maybe that isn’t a bad thing but it is frustrating at times.  There are things I want to do, things I want to say and I hesitate because of fear that my present situation may work against me.  Fear stinks.

On the other hand, the fear is just one side of the coin with the other being hope.  Hope for what I can almost visualize.  Hope for what may be.  Hope for better days and dreams fulfilled.

I still await the booming voice from the mountaintop telling me I am on the right path…or where the right path can be found.  Waiting…waiting…waiting.  No booming voice.

Today, I carry on towards the dream.  Tomorrow, I share time with my precious daughter.  Friday, I look into a more conservative, seemingly responsible solution.  Saturday, more time with my daughter and, I am sure, much reflection of what today and Friday bring to my mind and my heart.

God, in case it works for you, I’d love to hear a booming voice on Saturday.

Grace and peace.

A Letter to Mom

02 Saturday Mar 2013

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Here’s an email I sent to my mother yesterday about my life and how God is working in it.  I refer to the book Jesus Calling but I was remiss in not also mentioning several good people who are speaking hope and faith into me consistently.

I’m convinced this book was written for me.  It’s amazing how the days of the book track what is going on in my life. 

February 29 is the bonus page I guess and here is what it said that speaks to me in volume…

You are on the right path.  Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts.  I am leading you along the way I designed just for you.  Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking.  But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone.  Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others.  I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, moment by moment.  As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me.
This hasn’t been a journey I would have chosen to go as it has but I can look back and see the places where God is working in my heart and in my head to prepare me for something that is ahead.  I am learning to live in today, embrace it, and trust God will provide for me tomorrow.  He may provide little or He may provide in abundance.  The Israelites were told to gather manna for today and if they gathered more than they needed, the manna was filled with maggots and spoiled. 

God knows my heart.  The good and the pure places.  The hard and the dark places.  I believe He is working in both so He can use me for greater things in the kingdom work on earth.  I truly believe reading this book daily and praying much more than usual is what has not only kept me sane, but led me to some of the greatest peace I have ever known. 

It’s a strange journey.  He’s a strange God.  I must be in the right place.

Grace and peace.

Sometimes

01 Friday Mar 2013

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Sometimes things hit me right when I need it.

Sometimes I get to spend time in the presence of my children.  It’s awesome.

Sometimes I read something that hits me between the eyes and goes straight to my heart.  I have mentioned I’m reading Jesus Calling and as I looked at my desk calendar edition, here was yesterday’s message…

Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority, sometimes a mixture of both.  I lead each of my children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her.  Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only source of real affirmation is my unconditional love.  Many believers perceive me as an unpleasable judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in my garments of salvation.  This is how I see you: radiant in my robe of righteousness.  When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust, it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with me throughout all eternity.  Immerse yourself in my loving presence.  Be receptive to my affirmation, which flows continuously from the throne of grace.

Sometimes I believe it.  Sometimes I don’t.  Here’s to pray and hope that I will believe it more and more.

And that my sometimes will become all-the-times.

Grace and peace.

Gimme A Break!

22 Friday Feb 2013

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I’m job hunting.  I’m consulting.  I’m praying.  A lot.  I would like to have a good paying job that allows me to accomplish several personal hopes and dreams.  Somewhere in all of this I need to catch a break.  I have interviewed for a couple of positions and thought they went well but nothing came from it.  I have had business owners tell me they want me to consider working for them but we all seem to still be considering it.  I have had owners tell me they want to use me for some long term consulting only to put it off or be more sporadic than originally thought.  Gimme a break!

Maybe I’m waiting on God to give me a break.  I don’t know about all that but I do know this; when the break comes I will be ready to prove myself beyond what is expected of me.  I needed a sabbath.  I needed to collect myself and get my feet under me.  Life hasn’t been all that kind to me and there have been parts of getting beat up that I haven’t responded to well.  I needed some time off, time to think, time to walk, time to talk to God.  And I thank God that He has given me this time.  Now I’m ready.  I just need a break (also known as answered prayers).

I always love an inspirational story and many know this one.  This lady is one of my favorites because of her ability to change the look on someone’s face.  She got her break and she grabbed it with both hands.  Certainly an inspiration to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OcQ9A-5noM

Grace and peace.

Anxious Anxiety

15 Friday Feb 2013

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It’s easy to be anxious for some of us.  I suppose there are people who have never experienced anxiety.  I know there are others who have been anxious people who learned to grow past it.  There are others who will likely die in anxiety of death.

Jesus said, “Do not be anxious.”  It sounds like He was serious out it.  I know God was.

Someone recently said to me, “How can I not be anxious?”  Let’s face it.  Most of us are never going to go through life completely free of concerns, even worry.  The question is how do we go through life: trusting in God with some healthy level of concern that keeps us alert to what opportunities are put in our path or worried that things will fall apart even though we have no evidence it will fall apart?

I find those who are most anxious are most concerned with how they think life is supposed to look.  At least that’s been my personal experience.

I realized the way I think things should be isn’t the best way it should be.  I would NEVER suggest God allow His son to be crucified on the cross.  If God thinks that’s the best thing to do for my life, how do I decide what is best without His will and guidance?

I am learning to live with less anxiety (not without, just less!) as I realize the God who gave His son for me is the same God who doesn’t want anything bad for me.  He’s the God who wants to give me all He knows I need.  Maybe not what I think I need but, again, I would never have suggested God sacrifice His son.  If He will do that, what can I really worry about it?  That life doesn’t look like I think it should?

God, show me Your ways.  Open my eyes to Your path for me.  Open my heart to trust fully in You.  Speak deeply into me Father.  I want to know Your peace.  Always.

Grace and peace.

On the Other Hand…

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

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Yes, two posts in one day.  It’s because I wrote When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough a few days ago when I was the lowest of my lows.  I was angry, mad, disgusted, frustrated with many other emotions flowing.  Last night and this morning weren’t significantly better.  I had more harsh words with God.

Then I had lunch.  It was at Fuzzy’s.  I know things are better when I get to have lunch at Fuzzy’s.  It was with a guy I didn’t know but knew of through some friends.  It’s a guy with contacts but it was more than that.  It was a guy who asked some good questions, who said some things to help me reorient my thought processes and encouraged me to stay focused on a passion and to believe God is working in the plans.  It was a good lunch.

It doesn’t make the pain and the fear I face go away.  It helps me see it differently though.

It reminded me there are the things the world tells me and there are the things I believe God is speaking into me.  There is security in money and possessions says the world, there is security in having nothing – no assets, no debts, nothing of this world, no bondage says God.  (No, I’m not saying God wants us to live as paupers, only that He wants us to trust in Him.)

I’m ready to sell all I have if I need to.  I’m ready to run through my retirement account if I need to.  I’m ready to pursue what I believe is a dream that God is drawing in my mind and if I’m living in that, finances and relationships and other things will work out as best they can.  Sure, the people that torment me may still torment me.  Sure, the bills will still come due.  Sure, there will be bad days.  There will also be a lot of good days, a lot of positive things happening and maybe some of those rough spots will smooth out.

Sometimes I need to work through my hard times in hard ways.  I need to process, to think, to withdraw to a place that is safe for me.  I ask my closest friends to pray for me in these times and hope they understand it helps me to think it out, sort it out, even speak/write it out.  I’m an introvert and that’s what introverts do.  Once I work through it, I can move on.

I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to be grateful.  I’m ready to be hopeful.  I’m ready to trust.  I’m ready to find the path that is the right path for me.  I expect ups and downs as I get there and I also expect to find good things at the end of the road.

Sometimes the days are dark.  Very dark.  On the other hand, some days are beautiful and filled with joy.  I’m looking towards the “on the other hand” days.

Grace and peace.

The End of Other’s Lessons

06 Wednesday Feb 2013

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Someone I wish I knew better recently responded to a blog about a situation that I can identify with in many ways.  When we look at our battles, we can look around and see others who face tougher battles, at least in our eyes, and who do so with grace.  They teach us lessons that are valuable.

Yet, they are only lessons.

As I’ve journeyed through my dark valleys, I have had many who marched beside me and who have taught me many valuable lessons.  They have helped me to see my situation in a different light.

They helped me see the lessons.

I have found the comfort of others and the lessons they teach only last so long because, at some point, I am back in the muck and the mess of my life and I have to LIVE it.  The listening, seeing and understanding of problems can teach me lessons but I have to LIVE the lessons.  I have to decide to trust God or not trust God.  I have to decide to live gratefully or live fearfully.  I have to decide to press on or draw back.  I have to decide how I WILL LIVE the rest of my days.  And do it!

I can decide today that I will live gratefully but that doesn’t mean I’ll still be living that way tomorrow.  It’s another decision I have to make.

I’m thankful for the stories of others, for their encouragement, for their lessons, for their faith in me to share what they know.  Very thankful.  But at some point I come to the end of other’s lessons and have to make the decision for myself of how I will live this day and how I will take on the obstacles and share in the victories.

From Jesus Calling on February 6…

Come to me and rest.  I am all about you, to bless and restore.  Breathe Me in with each breath.  The way just ahead of you is very steep.  Slow down and cling tigthly to My hand.  I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship.

Learned only by hardship.  By me.  That’s exciting (heavy sarcasm intended).

My lessons have to be my own.  Lived out by me.  I much rather live my life through other people’s stories but it doesn’t work that way.  Today, I will choose to cling to the hand of God, to prepare to take the steep path with Him giving me strength.  And I ask Him for the strength to keep making that decision in the days to come.

Grace and peace.

More Gratefulness Project

01 Friday Feb 2013

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Sometimes I’m scared.  I worry about what the future holds, if I’ll be able to support my kids the way that I want to, if I’ll be able to stay in my house and lots of other fears.

Sometimes I withdraw.  I have wounds that run deep and the pain comes around and I want to drop out of sight and wallow in my self-pity.  Or, I remember the things I’ve done to hurt others and think it’s better for me to not get close to anyone else lest I hurt them or let them down.

There are more of these types of traits I could explain but I get the idea already.  The point is, these are choices.  I choose to acknowledge my hurt and feel pain.  There’s nothing wrong with that because those feelings are real.  HOWEVER, I also choose to acknowledge those feelings and I choose how I will respond.  I can respond with fear, withdrawal or avoidance OR I can respond with understanding and gratefulness for what God has in store for me.

This is why I term gratefulness as a project.  It’s a work in progress, something that I sometimes fail at handling in the best way and sometimes I take the better route.  My prayer is that I will continue to take the better path more and more often and I do that by the choices I make.

Here’s a video that’s worth the 10 minutes or whatever it will take.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPW3EB5U0bo

Grace and peace.

The Gratefulness Project Goes On

30 Wednesday Jan 2013

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Monday night I got to hang out with a group of people who work together.  They laughed and talked and exhibited the camaraderie of a group who enjoys the company of each other and what they do day to day.  A good friend is the leader of the pack and invited me to join them for a night at the Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo.  What a treat.  (Thanks to Lisa for the invite and if you buy boots, buy Justin Boots!)

As someone who is now traveling the consulting path, I find myself missing some of the interaction with co-workers.  I spend several days alone, working at home or having a free day.  Now, when I was working a regular job I longed for the days I could get away and have some peace and quiet.  Now that I have lots of peace and quiet, I kind of miss the back and forth of working with people.

So what does gratefulness have to do with all this?  Well, I’ve learned to be grateful for time and space I have got to experience.  I’ve learned to be grateful for my experiences with co-workers and what they have to offer.  I am learning to be grateful for God’s work at putting me where I need to be at this present time and trust that He has the path planned for me in the days to come.

Grace and peace.

The Gratefulness Project

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

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I’ve been on the theme of gratefulness lately because I believe it is important, something that I struggle with and a trait I want to exhibit more of for the rest of my days.  I think of gratefulness as a project in my life because a project is something that usually takes some time, has progress and setbacks and gives a sense of accomplishment when milestones are reached.  For me, living in gratefulness is a project.  As much as I want to be grateful overnight and never change, I wake up worrying about a multitude of things and the leading worry usually has something to do with finances.  All that worry and God continues to give me manna for the day.

I have been blessed.  God has given me time to deal with some intense pain that I haven’t dealt with in a long time.  God has given me time to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually.  He has provided work and income.  He has surrounded me with special friends who have spoke powerful words deep inside of me.

So much to be grateful for and I wake up worrying.  Silly, right?  It’s why I call it a project.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with thanksgiving for what I have.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the thought that God is at work to secure what I need for the days ahead.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the knowledge that my future in Him and with Him is secure.

My gratefulness project starts anew today.  Thank you Lord for providing for me and putting up with me.

Grace and peace.