What A Day!

18 Monday Aug 2014

Posted by Seeking Peace in God, God's love, God's provision, hope, joy

What a day! Often, it is a statement made at the end of a trying, hectic day. Today, for me, it is a statement of thanksgiving and gratitude, of hope and possibilities.

I start a new job today. I know it will be full of trials and adversity as is any job. It is also an opportunity to make a difference. To learn. To do new things and improve on old ones. To stretch and to grow. To dream dreams.

My youngest starts a new adventure in college. Certainly a time of hope and dreams and also a time of trials and adversity. A time to meet new people and work on relationships with old friends in different ways. Maybe a time to meet the woman of his dreams and a time to decide on how to begin his life as an independent adult.

My oldest begins her 3rd year of college. Her transition to being an independent adult is getting closer. She is already gaining confidence in her relationships and now starting to look at the days ahead of going to work. She took a job at school this year that will be great for her, will test her and will stretch her. She makes me so very proud and she keeps doing new things that keep the pride swelling. I tell her from time to time that I am thankful God let me be her dad because I aspire to be more like her. Strong. Determined. Sweet-hearted.

A day to reflect on a weekend that offered some trials and offered lots of hope and growth and opened the door to new people in my life. As I am continuing to create a new life with my VSW, we bump into some old bags from our past. I look forward to the day when we have thrown all the bags out but as I reflect today, I see all the joy that comes from the victory in working together to start tossing the bags and the hope I have for how wonderful the future will be. I have the joy of hope that I do because I see how we tackle the challenges that come our way. We are not perfect at it (yet) but we work through it in our own ways. I see a day coming when our own ways become our together ways and know that will be a wonderful time. I want a relationship that people tell stories about because there is richness to share and I believe God has placed a woman in my path that makes those stories possible. How awesome is that?

I have never been filled with more hope than I am today. A job that probably won’t be my last and will provide until it is time to take another step. A son that is in an incredible time of transition. A daughter who is in the latter stages of her transition. And a woman, a VSW, who fills me up with the hope and dreams of what a relationship can and will look like when people are committed to pushing through together. Wow! What a day!!

James 1:4. I look forward to becoming more mature and more complete. I am ready for it with my job, my children and my VSW. Wow!! What a day!!!

Grace and peace.

Let Her Love You

08 Thursday May 2014

Posted by Seeking Peace in God's love, Life

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Tags

dark, Fear, joy, light, love, pain

This post is very different from the first one that was scheduled for this time. It’s also very different than the second one that was scheduled for this time. Both were dark and dealt with hard, scary thoughts from the deepest recesses of fear and doubt and unworthiness. I had gone to those places with a friend who was struggling at the same time I was struggling and we both dove deep into our hurts. I thought that was how this week would go; dark and filled with fear. Until I heard, “let her love you.”

I am a man blessed with some INCREDIBLE friends. Our sins are laid bare in front of each other and our hearts are handled with love and care between each other. I talked to one of them on the phone and we got around to struggles and some I was having with my own insecurities. I have been given a gift in the form of a woman who loves me by every evidence I can see. Where I see ugliness in myself, she speaks beauty back to me. Where I see hurt in myself, she speaks healing. Where I see turmoil within myself, she speaks calm. Yet, I continue a self-talk pattern of unworthiness. I have heard I am not good enough for so long that I have allowed myself to believe it. She is trying hard to convince me otherwise. I struggle with allowing myself to trust her goodness completely and I have tried to hang on to my heart in spite of her efforts to hold it, caress it, love it.

My friend said, “let her love you.” Let her. Quit fighting against it and let it happen. He says I’m worthy of love. So did another friend who called the day before and told me he needed me in his life for the hard times. So did another friend who texts me 3-7 times a day reminding me that I am loved and all other voices are liars. (I told you I had incredible friends!) “Let her love you.”

For the last day and a half, I have tried to lay down my wounds and my scars and my fears and my self-doubt and just let her love me. That mantra is resonating in my mind as I begin to trust her with my heart and with my self-worth. Thursday afternoon, we had a conversation on FaceTime. It’s a great tool because you can see the person and read the body language. Everything about that conversation told me she loved me, she trusted me and she was willing to hand her heart over to me. Everything I saw in her eyes and in her body language told me she loves me. Everything I heard in her words told me she was willing and ready to help me do whatever was needed to feel better about myself. Everything I saw and heard said, “let me love you.”

To “let” her means to make a choice. I choose whether she gets to love me or not. I already told her my desire to let her love me and that I will begin to be intentional in allowing her into places that bring me fear; I CHOOSE to let her in.

“Let her love you.” Thank you Dennis. Your words were the words of God. What they really meant were “Let me (God) love you through my instrument on earth.”

“Let me love you.” Thank you Kelly for seeing me through God’s eyes and being willing to tell me over and over and over what you see. You are a gift from above.

Grace and peace.

Comfortably _______________________

15 Monday Jul 2013

Posted by Seeking Peace in Christian Living, God's love

≈ 2 Comments

I was a Pink Floyd fan back in the day (yes, the day was when I was 1 year old so I’m still a young whipper-snapper) and one of my favorite songs was Comfortably Numb. As I’ve grown up and dealt with many inner demons, I appreciated the idea of being comfortable and being numb to what was going on around and inside of me.

The other day, I heard a song on Air One (a great Christian radio station in the Metroplex) and heard a song I have to go find. What caught my attention was the phrase “comfortably miserable.” Yes! That’s it! Most of us never live comfortably numb because the pain is always there. Sure, we can drink it away for a bit or drug it away for a bit and then it’s back. The truth is, sometimes I just try to live comfortably in my misery.

I’m divorced and have wondered if I’ll ever be able to be in another relationship. The truth is, I like women a lot. They have many great traits and they are much better to look at than the vast majority of my male friends. I see friends that have good to great relationships with their spouse or girlfriend and think I’d like that too. And then it strikes, the fear of relationship, the fear of loss and I think I’d rather be comfortable in the misery of not loving someone. Or, I know I have a passion for something that seems risky so I stay in a job that I can do but that I don’t like because, well, it is miserable but comfortable. Or, there is a friend I need to talk to about his relationship with God but sometimes he gets angry and walks away when anyone talks about God. I know I should say something because I love him but I fear doing so might end the relationship so I pray that he will change his mind by my (in)actions. I’m miserable knowing I should speak up but I’m comfortable holding my tongue.

Comfortably miserable. I would guess there are many Christians that can wear that label. Most of my best friends have at one point or another just as I have, and, still do at times.

Lord, I don’t want to be comfortably miserable. The fear is that following you will simply make me uncomfortable. I say that knowing the times I have walked out of my comfort zone you have done amazing things. Yet, I want to shrink back to comfort. Oh Lord, fill me with courage to neither be comfortable or miserable but to be bold and free in you.

Grace and peace.

9/11

12 Monday Sep 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in 9/11, God's love, love

≈ 1 Comment

It’s been awhile but not for lack of trying. For some reason, I cannot post anything when using my normal Internet browser. Technology can be such a frustrating thing. Much like my blog for many readers.var gaJsHost = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://ssl.” : “http://www.”); document.write(unescape(“%3Cscript src='” + gaJsHost + “google-analytics.com/ga.js’ type=’text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”)); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker(“UA-12356560-1”); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}

As we remembered 9/11 yesterday, I was struck by the number of posts I read on Facebook about my friend’s hatred for President Obama, Muslims and a host of other people who don’t do things just the way my friends want them to do it and was reminded of a principle I learned reading The Shack and was reminded of yesterday as we studied Romans 15 and one of our Elders said, “remember when you are looking at someone you want to put your hands on and strangle, you are looking at someone that Jesus was willing to die for.”

I’ve too often been on the opposite side of God in my love for people. He loves them and I’m ticked off at them and hoping for a piano to fall on their head. If God loves Obama and I hate him, who’s side am I on? If God loves Muslims and I hate them, who’s side am I on? It doesn’t mean I approve of what Obama or Muslims do. It doesn’t mean I approve of what many people do who I sit in church with on Sundays who don’t act Christ-like the rest of the week either but God loves them and I want to be on God’s side so I’m going to love them also.

When those who would be my brothers and sisters in Christ want to bomb, kill and maim anyone who doesn’t agree with our way of life, I have to ask what way of life that is – the American way or God’s way and which one is most important, which one should be the priority?

I hope I will learn to love people even when I don’t condone their actions or motives. I hope I’ll do a better job of praying for those who persecute me and my fellow man instead of hoping for bombs to rain down on them. I hope I’ll always remember the kingdom of God is where my true citizenship exists and that I’m just passing through as an American.

I am thankful for those who protect us and keep us safe. I honor them and pray for their safety and protection from those who would do them harm. They have my support and I hope no one can doubt that or mis-hears how strongly I feel about those who serve our country in any capacity.

Even while I support those who protect me from harm, I will not wish harm on those who would hurt me but pray that one day love will rule and that God will be the victor over all.

Grace and peace to you.

Loving Others

05 Friday Aug 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in God's love, homeless, The Shack

≈ 1 Comment

I met a couple of homeless guys in Decatur last Saturday. They weren’t very lovable. They didn’t say much so it’s hard to know how to help them or if I can help them or if they want help. The easy thing to do at this point would be to move on and look for someone who is easier to love or just go do whatever it is I want to do and do some loving on myself (hope you see the drips of sarcasm in the last part). Instead, I’m going to try and find them again and talk to them again and to let them know that love exists in this world for them. I don’t know where they’ve been or what they’ve done but I know God loves them and I know how God wants me to feel about them.

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I was reminded of The Shack this past week and the great lesson I learned from that book that we are all God’s children, all made in his image and all doing things we shouldn’t always be doing. No one is perfect. Not those guys on the streets. Not my boss. Not the people around me. Not my kids. Certainly not me. Yet we are all God’s children, made in his image and under attack by a force wanting to pull us away from his perfect and unconditional love.

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I’ve experienced God’s perfect and unconditional love and still I try to walk away at times telling myself God can’t love a sinner like me. Day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month I’m learning more about his love and believing that nothing I do can shake it so I tell myself more and more than he does love me. He loves me when I mess up and he loves me when I live in his power and will and glory. The incredible thing about being open to his love is that it makes me want to live in his vision for me and not my own – his love is a mighty, powerful force. I just have to be open to it. And ready to share it.

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Grace and peace to you.
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Pitching and Conviction, Part 2

04 Thursday Aug 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in God's love, love

≈ 1 Comment

Mike Adams made his debut with the Rangers Tuesday night and it was a bit underwhelming. Now, I don’t have a clue what it is like to pitch in the rain in your debut after a team gave up some of it’s best prospects for you and I guess I can understand that the weather and nerves might throw you off your game a bit but this guy is supposed to be Superman and I was expecting 3 outs with 2 pitches. Don’t ask me how he would do that but it’s what I expected. Better luck next time Mike.

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My discipleship is a bit like Mike Adams. My Lord gave his best player for me and often I come out and serve up meatballs to the enemy that he can hit out of the park. The good part is that just like Adams will get to go back out on the field and show what he can do, God will let me try again because he loves me so much. I read a blog the yesterday that reminded me that God is love. Not that God loves to love or likes to love and wants to love. GOD IS LOVE. If he’s love and I’m not loving, then who do I look like? If I’m not living as love, that’s when I’m serving up hanging curveballs and fastballs that are dead-red across the plate. It’s when I live in love that I am walking arm-in-arm with my Lord and nothing can hurt me, nothing can beat me because he is living through me.

Dream Sharing

06 Monday Jun 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in Bart, Crazy Love, dream, dreams, God's love, Sirman

≈ 1 Comment

It’s scary sharing your dreams. What if people laugh at you? What if people talk about you behind your back? What if people think you are crazy? What if you are crazy? Or…

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What if they want to share in the dream, crazy or not?
Wednesday, I taught my last lesson out of Crazy Love at our workplace Bible study and my good friend Bart shared his dream of helping these guys we’ve met over in Denton. As he shared, the interest level in what he discussed was evident and when he was done, everyone was offering to help in some way.
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Sometimes our dreams seem wacky to the ways of the world but perfectly legitimate to people who want to be disciples of Christ. Sometimes we are crazy for dreaming our dreams based on what the world/flesh tells us we should want or want to do but they seem so normal to God.

The Lies We Are Told

03 Friday Jun 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in Eldredge, God's love, lies, love, satan's lie

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I’m borrowing from John Eldredge again today. He talks about a lie I have fallen for and still fall for from time to time but as I learn more and more about God’s love for me, the lie is rapidly losing it’s power over me.

Subtle Attack?Looking for Agreements

The devil has more temptations than an actor has costumes for the stage. And one of his all-time favorite disguises is that of a lying spirit, to abuse your tender heart with the worst news he can deliver-that you do not really love Jesus Christ and that you are only pretending, you are only deceiving yourself. (William Gurnall)

Satan is called in Scripture the Father of Lies (John 8:44). His very first attack against the human race was to lie to Eve and Adam about God, and where life is to be found, and what the consequences of certain actions would and would not be. He is a master at this. He suggests to us-as he suggested to Adam and Eve-some sort of idea or inclination or impression, and what he is seeking is a sort of “agreement” on our part. He’s hoping we’ll buy into whatever he’s saying, offering, insinuating. Our first parents bought into it, and look what disaster came of it. The Evil One is still lying to us, seeking our agreement every single day.

Your heart is good. Your heart matters to God. Those are the two hardest things to hang on to. I’m serious-try it. Try to hold this up for even a day. My heart is good. My heart matters to God. You will be amazed at how much accusation you live under. You have an argument with your daughter on the way to school; as you drive off, you have a nagging sense of, Well, you really blew that one. If your heart agrees-Yeah, I really did-without taking the issue to Jesus, then the Enemy will try to go for more. You’re always blowing it with her. Another agreement is made. It’s true. I’m such a lousy parent. Keep this up and your whole day is tanked in about five minutes. The Enemy will take any small victory he can get. It moves from You did a bad thing to You are bad. After a while it just becomes a cloud we live under, accept as normal.

(Waking the Dead , 152-53)

Lord, I thank you that your love has more power than anything else I will ever know.

Grace and peace to you.

More Love Stuff

08 Tuesday Mar 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in communion, God's love, Job

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On Sunday morning, I had the opportunity to speak to the congregation as we prepared for communion. One of the things I love about our fellowship is that we remember Christ’s death, burial and resurrection through a time of communion every Sunday. I shared that it’s the one time of the week that I find myself most in awe of God. I often think of God’s conversation with Job in the last 3 chapters in the book of Job that starts like this:
¹ Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
² “Who is this that obscures my plans
   with words without knowledge?
³ Brace yourself like a man;
   I will question you,
   and you shall answer me.
⁴ “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
   Tell me, if you understand.
⁵ Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
   Who stretched a measuring line across it?
⁶ On what were its footings set,
   or who laid its cornerstone—
⁷ while the morning stars sang together
   and all the angels^[a] shouted for joy?
⁸ “Who shut up the sea behind doors
   when it burst forth from the womb,
⁹ when I made the clouds its garment
   and wrapped it in thick darkness,
¹⁰ when I fixed limits for it
   and set its doors and bars in place,
¹¹ when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
   here is where your proud waves halt’?

God goes on to further explain all he has created on earth and in heaven reminding Job that no one else is God, no one else can do what God can do, no one can fully comprehend the majesty and power of God.

Then I shared how this incredible God is also the God who knows me and who loves me. In our group, we often reference how God loves us and I think we sometimes forget that means that God loves me. He knows me intimately and he loves me. He loves me enough that he gave his son for me so that I might live justified and spend eternity with him. He loves me that much. It’s humbling and it’s awe-inspiring for me. I hope I share in that awe with others.

Grace and peace to you.
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WHAT? No post?

11 Friday Feb 2011

Posted by Seeking Peace in God's love, thankfulness

≈ 2 Comments

I’m a late blogger today so if you read this you will be one of the few.

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Today I’m living on thankfulness. I’m spending the day doing all I can to blog any negative thought out of my mind with a response of thankfulness. I’m thankful for my kids, my friends, my health, my job…oh I could go on and on but my idea for today is to be thankful. Something I didn’t like came up at work this morning and I have decided to stay focused on the fact that I have a job and am thankful for what it gives me.

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Grace and peace to you.
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