Category Archives: Life

Emphasis His

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. – 1 Timothy 1:12-14 (Emphasis mine)

As I read the words of Paul, I am often thinking about how his words connect with me, how I connect with his sin.  As I read these words recently, I focused on what Paul states Jesus has done in his life, all that Jesus has poured into him (Paul).  It’s easy for me to be introspective about my faults but I do not focus enough on looking at what Jesus has and is doing inside of me.  As I emphasize the words of Paul’s writing in this section of scripture, it becomes more obvious to see the emphasis Christ puts on, and in, me.

Grace and peace.

Rob & Hillary

25 Monday Mar 2013

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I am not surprised Hillary Clinton has come out in full support of gay marriage.  I might only be surprised that it has taken her so long to do it.  

On the other hand, I was surprised to hear Rob Bell come out in support of gay marriage.  I realize he has been controversial about some things that are certainly left up in the air in the Bible.  I just did not think he would go forward promoting gay marriage.

Slippery slopes and all that aside, I do wonder how far the debate will go on what is acceptable in our country and in our churches between two people who profess to love each other.  

I am often perplexed how people can promote the elimination of inanimate, amoral objects and promote the acceptance of spiritually morale issues with equal ferocity.  

I recently got into a debate with someone on what was an acceptable magazine size for guns.  He said six.  I said 15 at a minimum, unlimited at best.  I asked my friend if he had ever been hunting when several feral hogs rushed him.  He responded know so I asked him how many bullets he thought he would need to kill 4 feral hogs in an open field that were pursuing him.  He responded that he did not see himself in that position.  So I pressed, asking if he had friends who hunted or friends of friends or could even imagine someone hunting and running into that situation.  His response was that it probably did not happen often enough that anyone would need a large capacity clip.  I left him with my appreciation that he could imagine all the situation where his decision would or would not affect someone.  My argument is not about clip size or whether guns or right or wrong.  My argument is that a gun not in the hands of a person never hurts anyone so the focus on banning guns or reducing clip size does not resolve the problem.  Gun are amoral.

Back to Hillary and Rob.  They are treading on moral ground and making a stand that many believe is in contrast with God’s desire.  It is a dangerous path we walk when we attempt to speak for God and state what is right or wrong.  I have done it myself, recently, in conversation with a friend about what I thought a church was doing in contrast to God’s teaching.  

What’s my point.  Honestly, I am not sure yet other than to say we argue over a lot of things that are small problems in the face of some VERY BIG problems our nation and our world faces.  

How many people die each day from starvation?  Homelessness?  Poverty?

How many people kill themselves daily due to lack of hope?  love?  belonging?

How many babies are aborted each day because of fear?  money?  love?  hope?

What if Rob and Hillary started campaigning for things that made a big difference every day?  What if?

Grace and peace.

The Quandary

22 Friday Mar 2013

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I want to say something and I am afraid to say it.

I am just a few weeks away from graduating with a Masters in Conflict Resolution and there are some conflicts I still do not want to engage in.  It causes me to start running through a mental checklist of whether I am avoiding the conflict because I am afraid or avoiding it because now is not the time to engage.  Or maybe I am accommodating a relationship by giving in to what I think will sustain relationship with another party rather than risk changing the relationship.

I am in a quandary.  I have been here before.  I am sure I will be here in the future.  I like to know all the possibilities of an action before I take it.  Heck, I usually want to know the answer before I ask the question.

I don’t know the answer right now.

What a way to start the weekend.

On a bright note, it’s the start of March Madness and Opening Day is just weeks away. At least I have something to focus on while trying to answer the question before I ask it.

Grace and peace.

Paul and Me

18 Monday Mar 2013

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I’m sure it would have been cool to hang out with the Beatles.  Or the Rolling Stones.  Motley Crue.  Willie.  Mumford and Sons.  You get the idea.  How often I thought it would be fun to hang out with the rich and famous and live their lifestyle for awhile.

Maybe I’m on the verge of crazy but…

I wish I could hang out with Paul.  Paul who was Saul.  Paul who was jailed and beaten.  Paul who had unusual strength.  Paul who may have been more famous in his time than any of those listed above.

I’ve recently reconnected with a friend who encourages me in my blogging.  When we used to see each other more, my life was very different.  It looked good on the outside and I hid the blemishes well.  (Blemishes is a pretty way of saying catastrophic failings.)  Now, the “blemishes” are better known and have been exposed.  I want to reconnect with him, share things I have learned and how it is shaping me and soak up what I can from what he has learned from his journey.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Paul and me.  I can’t really fathom what Paul went through but when I read his writings, I feel connected and I think it is one piece of scripture that I read that gives me the feeling we are linked.  Maybe I see myself worse than I am.  Maybe I see myself just as I am.  Whatever, if he asks where I see myself now, I would reference Paul’s first letter to Timothy, the first chapter and verses 12-17.

Paul says he is the worst of sinners.  Maybe, but I sure think I can give him a run for his money.  Sure, he may have stoned some people and had others put to death physically.  I think I have done that to people emotionally, or God forbid, spiritually.  I connect with Paul when he says he is the worst but that isn’t why I love this passage of his writing.  It’s the rest of the story because it gives me great hope.  So often I am mired in my past.  Jesus is fixated on today…and what He is calling me to in the days to come.  Paul knew that.  I want to know it too.  I want to live in it, revel in it, reap joy in abundance in the knowledge of God’s grace and mercy and love.

It’s a journey; a journey I hope to travel with my buddy Paul, walking in the footsteps of my Savior.

Grace and peace.

Here’s part of Paul’s letter from The Message (emphasis mine).

15-19 Here’s a word you can take to heart and depend on: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I’m proof—Public Sinner Number One—of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off—evidence of his endless patience—to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever.

Deep honor and bright glory
to the King of All Time—
One God, Immortal, Invisible,
ever and always. Oh, yes!

Full Circle

15 Friday Mar 2013

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Depending on how things go today I may come back and explain the title a little more.  In the meantime it’s a reminder for me how crazy life can be at times.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
© Abbey of Gethsemani

I appreciate so much of what Merton has to say in his writings.  His ability to communicate continually reminds me of a desire to move to a monastery and live the life of a monk.  The peace of consistency.  The joy of silence.  The time to think and write.  I just wonder if the beds are comfortable and the food is good.  I digress.

I don’t know what this day will bring but it could be a game-changer.

God, you’ve got this, right?  I’m trusting you this day.

Grace and peace.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

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I always like The Clash song asking should I stay or should I go?  It’s a question I have had so many times in various situations.  I feel like I’m in one now.  Do I stay the course I’m on, attempting to do the things I want to do or do I go towards a more conservative course, one where my dreams may get squeezed, my hopes blanketed?

It’s not an easy question.  Of course, I have many people willing to weigh in and I appreciate their thoughts but they are sometimes just as confusing.  One friend yesterday advocated one thing that takes the wind out of my sails but makes fiscal sense.  Another friend advocated pursuing my dreams, trusting that the risk is worth the reward…buy a little scary.

In the meantime, I feel like my life is momentarily on hold.  Maybe that isn’t a bad thing but it is frustrating at times.  There are things I want to do, things I want to say and I hesitate because of fear that my present situation may work against me.  Fear stinks.

On the other hand, the fear is just one side of the coin with the other being hope.  Hope for what I can almost visualize.  Hope for what may be.  Hope for better days and dreams fulfilled.

I still await the booming voice from the mountaintop telling me I am on the right path…or where the right path can be found.  Waiting…waiting…waiting.  No booming voice.

Today, I carry on towards the dream.  Tomorrow, I share time with my precious daughter.  Friday, I look into a more conservative, seemingly responsible solution.  Saturday, more time with my daughter and, I am sure, much reflection of what today and Friday bring to my mind and my heart.

God, in case it works for you, I’d love to hear a booming voice on Saturday.

Grace and peace.

Lessons from Gus

11 Monday Mar 2013

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Last week, I was fortunate to be a participant in Abilene Christian University’s Conference on Peace.  I was able to share some things I have learned about peacemaking and heard several stories from some people doing great things to bring peace in the world.  One of the things I shared was one of the many lessons I learn from my dog, Gus.

One of the truths about peace is that it comes through conflict.  Big surprise, right?  As I listened to stories about conflict, I was struck by how it affects relationships.  And this is where my story about Gus came into the mix and generated several comments afterwards.

Gus is a great dog, friendly and sweet.  He’s is easy to love and pet.  He’s also a puppy, prone to tear up, chew up and dig up.  He gets in trouble and gets in trouble now and again.  Yet one thing is consistent with Gus.  He is always ready to roll over and let you pet his tummy.  When Gus does this, he is very vulnerable.  He could easily be trapped, struck, stepped on or held down and yet he does it over and over.

Gus and I have a good relationship.  I generally talk nicely to him and pet him a fair amount.  I also ignore him at times, pressing on to what is important in my world.  There are times I give him a harsh word for getting in my way.  And there are times he gets a spanking because he has done something I don’t like.  My relationship with Gus sounds like a lot of relationships I have been in but there is a difference in Gus and me.  Gus continues to roll over and be vulnerable hoping to get petted.  I have learned to hide my vulnerability.  Gus is willing to risk the pain of being ignored or hurt.  Me, not so much.  I am so afraid of the pain that I will miss the joy of being petted.

I have had my fair share of conflict in relationships and the pain that comes with it; pain that has been heaped on me and pain that I have caused others.  Gus sees people with the hope of being petted and I see people with the fear of pain.  Gus is willing to throw himself out there, I withdraw.  Gus looks for good things to happen, I calculate how much damage may occur.

This is what conflict does to people and how past conflict shapes the future.  Some people get through the conflict and move into a state of peace and are willing to be vulnerable again.  Others go through conflict and begin to see every step of the future as more conflict.  And relationships suffer.  Or never get off the ground.

I hope I will move to a place in my life where I am more like a dog, hoping and trusting that putting myself out there to get petted will get me petted more and not getting trapped in what happens when it doesn’t work out.  I hope I will choose to be more vulnerable.  There are conversations I want to have that I am afraid to start right now.  There are relationships I would like explore but I am afraid to risk the fear of failure right now.

I hope the day comes when I can enjoy relationships the way Gus does: full of hope, willing to be vulnerable and always open to try again.

Grace and peace.

A Letter to Mom

02 Saturday Mar 2013

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Here’s an email I sent to my mother yesterday about my life and how God is working in it.  I refer to the book Jesus Calling but I was remiss in not also mentioning several good people who are speaking hope and faith into me consistently.

I’m convinced this book was written for me.  It’s amazing how the days of the book track what is going on in my life. 

February 29 is the bonus page I guess and here is what it said that speaks to me in volume…

You are on the right path.  Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts.  I am leading you along the way I designed just for you.  Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking.  But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone.  Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others.  I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, moment by moment.  As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me.
This hasn’t been a journey I would have chosen to go as it has but I can look back and see the places where God is working in my heart and in my head to prepare me for something that is ahead.  I am learning to live in today, embrace it, and trust God will provide for me tomorrow.  He may provide little or He may provide in abundance.  The Israelites were told to gather manna for today and if they gathered more than they needed, the manna was filled with maggots and spoiled. 

God knows my heart.  The good and the pure places.  The hard and the dark places.  I believe He is working in both so He can use me for greater things in the kingdom work on earth.  I truly believe reading this book daily and praying much more than usual is what has not only kept me sane, but led me to some of the greatest peace I have ever known. 

It’s a strange journey.  He’s a strange God.  I must be in the right place.

Grace and peace.

Sometimes

01 Friday Mar 2013

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Sometimes things hit me right when I need it.

Sometimes I get to spend time in the presence of my children.  It’s awesome.

Sometimes I read something that hits me between the eyes and goes straight to my heart.  I have mentioned I’m reading Jesus Calling and as I looked at my desk calendar edition, here was yesterday’s message…

Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority, sometimes a mixture of both.  I lead each of my children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her.  Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only source of real affirmation is my unconditional love.  Many believers perceive me as an unpleasable judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in my garments of salvation.  This is how I see you: radiant in my robe of righteousness.  When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust, it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with me throughout all eternity.  Immerse yourself in my loving presence.  Be receptive to my affirmation, which flows continuously from the throne of grace.

Sometimes I believe it.  Sometimes I don’t.  Here’s to pray and hope that I will believe it more and more.

And that my sometimes will become all-the-times.

Grace and peace.