Category Archives: Life

The Gratefulness Project Goes On

30 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

,

Monday night I got to hang out with a group of people who work together.  They laughed and talked and exhibited the camaraderie of a group who enjoys the company of each other and what they do day to day.  A good friend is the leader of the pack and invited me to join them for a night at the Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo.  What a treat.  (Thanks to Lisa for the invite and if you buy boots, buy Justin Boots!)

As someone who is now traveling the consulting path, I find myself missing some of the interaction with co-workers.  I spend several days alone, working at home or having a free day.  Now, when I was working a regular job I longed for the days I could get away and have some peace and quiet.  Now that I have lots of peace and quiet, I kind of miss the back and forth of working with people.

So what does gratefulness have to do with all this?  Well, I’ve learned to be grateful for time and space I have got to experience.  I’ve learned to be grateful for my experiences with co-workers and what they have to offer.  I am learning to be grateful for God’s work at putting me where I need to be at this present time and trust that He has the path planned for me in the days to come.

Grace and peace.

The Gratefulness Project

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

I’ve been on the theme of gratefulness lately because I believe it is important, something that I struggle with and a trait I want to exhibit more of for the rest of my days.  I think of gratefulness as a project in my life because a project is something that usually takes some time, has progress and setbacks and gives a sense of accomplishment when milestones are reached.  For me, living in gratefulness is a project.  As much as I want to be grateful overnight and never change, I wake up worrying about a multitude of things and the leading worry usually has something to do with finances.  All that worry and God continues to give me manna for the day.

I have been blessed.  God has given me time to deal with some intense pain that I haven’t dealt with in a long time.  God has given me time to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually.  He has provided work and income.  He has surrounded me with special friends who have spoke powerful words deep inside of me.

So much to be grateful for and I wake up worrying.  Silly, right?  It’s why I call it a project.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with thanksgiving for what I have.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the thought that God is at work to secure what I need for the days ahead.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the knowledge that my future in Him and with Him is secure.

My gratefulness project starts anew today.  Thank you Lord for providing for me and putting up with me.

Grace and peace.

Peacemaking

25 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

,

I am sitting in Abilene, Texas today enjoying a beautiful West Texas sunrise and wondering how we got from the upper-70’s to the low-40’s with wind so quickly.

I’m here as part of my goal to become a peacemaker.  I enrolled in the Master of Arts in Conflict Resolution program and I’m almost to the finish line.  I love it.  For so long I have never been at peace but had the gift of helping other people reach peace.  I didn’t understand some of the why’s behind that until enrolling in this course.

I’m an introvert.  Many peacemakers (mediators, counselors, etc.) are introverts.  They enjoy building a relationship with just a few people and really diving deep.  I used to avoid conflict at all costs or simply accommodate the other person to get past the conflict and save the relationship.  Many peacemakers are avoiders/accommodators but desire to help others find resolution.  (Note: as I’ve taken this course and learned tools for better conflict resolution, my style is changing.  I still don’t like conflict but I’m learning to work in it better and be more assertive in finding the better answer that benefits and helps all parties.)

I could go to some others character and personality traits but I said what I did for me and I understand the rest well enough.  What I understand most is that I want to help others find peace in the midst of conflict.  I love this program and I pray that God is paving the way for me to serve Him as a peacemaker the remainder of my days.

More to come on peacemaking…

Grace and peace.

Look Around. It’s Out There.

19 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by in Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , ,

When I look around, I can point out reasons I can be grateful.  I see Bart, Dennis, Jason, a couple of David’s, Kristen, Amy, Rick, Jacob…people who have spoke so many wonderful things into my mind and my heart.

While I was thinking about gratefulness last night, I thought about people I’d never met that I am grateful for, people who have contributed to me in some way even though they weren’t doing something specifically for me.

Sarah Young may be the most recent.  She wrote a book titled “Jesus Calling” and I have heard about it for some time but never cracked it open, even after owning it for several months.  Now, after following it almost daily this year, I try to understand why so many people enjoy a book written directly to me and my heart.  Wow.  Thanks Sarah.

I thought about the proverbial “10 people you would invite to a dinner party” thing and that got me thinking more.  First, I’d invite my two kids because a) they mean the world to me and b) I want them to hear from a few incredible people too.  Next, I think I’d invite Michael Hyatt (@MichaelHyatt and http://www.michaelhyatt.com).  I’ve never met him but he continues to influence my thoughts, ideas and desires about being a better communicator because he is a very good communicator and, he has the desire to help others communicate.  I would want to learn a few more things from him then hear how he communicates messages from the other at the party.  Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.  Men of peace.  Oh, how I long for peace and desire to be a peacemaker for others.  I want to hear about their dreams, the failures, what they’ve learned and what else they wish they could have accomplished.  The next five get tough.  There are a couple of preacher/pastor types I might invite.  There are a couple of friends I might invite.  If you know me, you know Nolan Ryan is probably going to be there to talk a little baseball.  I would also consider some unpopular choices.  Maybe a radical Muslim cleric who could try to explain why some people do the things they do.  There may be no point in arguing but, wow, what we could possibly learn to use to stem the tide of violence.  Ronald Reagan might get an invite.  Frances Chan would certainly be considered.

I digress.  The point is that I am grateful for the people who help me intentionally and the people who put themselves out there to help others they may never know.  They are admirable in their desire and effort.

Grace and peace.

Moving Past “Sorta’ Grateful”

18 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by in Christian Living, Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

I believe it is important, no, imperative to be grateful for what God has given me.  But it ain’t easy being grateful.  Bills are coming due.  Some are already late.  I’m cutting back.  And then cutting back some more.  But, I still want to enjoy time with my kids going out to eat, going to movies, doing fun stuff.  Spending the money scares me because bills are coming due.  I have a mortgage that won’t get paid by reselling aluminum cans.  A kid in college.  Two kids driving cars, needing gas and insurance.

Today I read Psalm 118.  Give thanks to the Lord.  His love endures forever.  I read Philippians 4 too.  Don’t be anxious but ask the Lord for anything.

Oh God, I don’t need riches.  I only need follow you.  I only need to seek your desires for me.  But, I do have these things I like, these things I’m comfortable with, these things I feel like I need to provide my children, these things I want to do too.  I lay it at your feet Lord.  I have walked into so many fires Lord and you have led me out of them.  Sure, there are wounds that still hurt and there are scars but I chose to walk into the fire and you still pulled me out of it.  Lord, remind me that you have provided more than I can understand and that you will continue to provide.  I know it may not be the way I see it or imagine it Lord so I pray with boldness that you do more than I can possibly imagine.  Lord, forgive me when my gratefulness wavers.  It’s a fault and one I want to work on.  I want a heart of thanksgiving and joy for simply being your child and whatever comes with that this day.  I don’t want to be sorta’ grateful, God.  I want to be abounding in gratefulness and thanksgiving.  Thank you for your patience as I work to get there.  Heal my wounds.  Cover my scars.  Open my eyes to avoid the next fire.  Open my heart to all that you can pour into it.  Cover me in peace.  Amen.

Grace and peace to you.

Quote

Lance & Grace

16 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Christian Living, Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, ,

I hear Lance Armstrong is coming clean.  OK, who hasn’t heard about it unless they’ve been living in a cave?  This guy has done everything he could to deny the accusations that he was doping while competing in bicycle races.  Supposedly, he has threatened people, sued people, lied about people and who knows what else.  Armstrong is going to be analyzed, re-analyzed, psycho-analyzed and everything else you can think of.  Questions will be asked over and over why he did it and there will be so many reasons and ideas offered up by a lot of people who do not know the guy.  He will be cast as an evil person full of lies.  He will have more advice offered on how to live his life and more contempt showered on him than 1,000 people should have to endure.

Lance has all these problems and I look at this life and his lies and think “I’ve done so much more wrong, so much more evil, so much more hurtful acts” than Lance Armstrong could ever do.  Wow, what would happen if I had to go on Oprah and answer questions?  What if God gave her a list of questions to ask?  YIKES!

I hope Lance will come to know grace.  I don’t know what his thoughts on God are but I pray that Christ-followers will remember the grace that has been extended to them and will “forgive as God forgave you” (Colossians 3).

Grace is a beautiful thing.  It’s hard for me to accept but I still see the beauty in it.  I hope Lance Armstrong is overwhelmed with grace.  Not that he will have the bans removed or get anything back from what has been taken away, but that he can move forward and use his life story to move forward and help others.  Grace is a beautiful thing.

Grace and peace.

Foreigner and Terry

08 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

I got addicted to The Voice this year and enjoyed every minute of it.  One of my favorite singers was a young man named Terry who sang several rock classics.  One of those classics was “I Want To Know What Love Is” by Foreigner.  It was a song I really liked way back and when and Terry did a great job of performing it again.  And it resonated more with me than ever before.

I want to know what love is.

I know I have had people who have loved me in my lifetime but so often the love was conditional.  It was based on something other than unconditional love for who I am and that shaped how I see love today.  It shaped how I accept love.  And give love.

I want to know what love is.

The forming, the molding of how I view what love is started early and was based on conditions of my actions, my words, my productivity.  Today, I struggle to believe God can love me and if I struggle with that, how in the world can I believe a human being could ever love me.  That they can or have is secondary to whether I believe they can.  In the song, there is line that says, “In my life I’ve seen heartache and pain, I don’t know if I can face it again.”  In the next lines he expresses that he has moved forward and can’t stop now.  I, on the other hand, still can.

I want to know what love is.

I believe I have had one person, maybe two, who wanted to give me unconditional love but in my life, I’ve seen heartache and pain and I don’t know if I can face it again.  I believe God wants to give unconditional love to every person I come in contact with.  Every person other than me.  I realize I have allowed the concept of love to be shaped by people and not by God.  I just don’t know how to undo it.  So, when someone did want to try and love me unconditionally, I stopped them because I knew I would stumble, my performance would falter, I would make a mistake and I don’t want to feel the heartache and pain.  So I move on.

I want to know what love is.

I know the loneliness of not letting anyone love me.  I know the loneliness of not letting myself love another.  I live it…and I don’t know how to undo it.

I want to know what love is.

One thing I have is hope.  Hope that I’ll open my heart to love.  Hope that I’ll let go of the heartache and pain I’ve known and that I’ve inflicted.  Hope that I will walk with God knowing His love.  Hope that I’ll walk with other people knowing they can and will love me.  Today it’s only hope.  I’ll see what tomorrow brings.

I want to know what love is.

Grace and peace.

This Present Moment

05 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I hear much teaching about living in the present moment.  Don’t dwell on the past too much.  Don’t worry about the future too much.  Live fully today.

Today I’m crying.  Buckets full of tears.

In this present moment, I feel the separation from my children in profound, heart-aching deep pains.  In this present moment, my past hits me like a freight train and my future is somewhat defined.  I am crying out to God, “Why?” and “Where are you right now?” as I seek comfort for my situation yet I feel no comfort.  Only the pain of loss and of being alone.  I curse this house, seemingly far too big at this moment.  A few nights ago, when some of my daughters friends were here and I enjoyed their voices and their laughter, this house was right-sized.  Today, it is massive.  As I wash the sheets they slept on and make the beds they were in, pick up cups and throw away trash from the parties and meals we had, I think about sitting by them, hugging them, listening to them and I simply want more.  More time.  More touching.  More voices.  In this present moment, I am hurting.  And crying.  I have my dog here to comfort me and be my companion and I am leaving him today, gone for a week where I will be somewhat alone, he completely alone except for the neighbors and hopefully my kids coming by to check on him.

In this present moment, I am hurting.  I try to be still and know God is God yet without my children, without a job, alone here in this present moment, I can’t help but ask God where He is and what He is doing.  The bills don’t quit coming.  The expectations of providing for my children don’t quit coming.  The child support payment doesn’t quit coming.

This present moment is filled with sadness.  And hurt.  And anger.  I hope you didn’t come here to read about how life is all sunshine and roses.  Right now, in this present moment, outside my window it is overcast and cold.  It feels the same way within me.

Will there be better days?  I expect so.  Will my kids grow up knowing their Dad loves them?  I hope so.  Will a job come, will I have to sell my house and move again, will the pressures I feel today subside (or get worse)?  Will the next present moment or the moment in a week or a month be one that allows me to look back at today as a small point in time?  Surely it will but this present moment is not a pleasant moment.  That’s just life.  My friends know when they ask how I am doing, they will likely get honesty, not a simple “fine” or “OK”.  People who meet me are sometimes surprised and likely regretful they asked how I was doing.  Regular readers of this blog know this is my space to be honest with myself.  I’m not here to be gooey or inspirational when I don’t feel gooey and inspirational.

I don’t like this present moment but it is what it is and this space is my space to think, to ask God if He’s hearing me, to wonder aloud and why it has to be this hard.  Some would say I need to look for what God is trying to teach me in this moment.  Hey, if He wants me to know something, He can spell it out because I think this moment is what it is, a very low spot in my journey.  I take these times hard.  I do.  It’s who I am.  And the tears remind me how weak and fragile I really am.  Maybe that’s the lesson.  Maybe that’s what God wants to remind me of.  This vessel that is me is weak and fragile.  Well, so be it but I want my kids back.  I want one more hug, one more afternoon of their sweet voices, one more movie with them.  One more meal.  Oh how I long for that moment.

In this present moment, there are simply tears and hurt.  I don’t want to follow through with the plans I’ve made tonight or be gone for the next week and I don’t want to be in this house packing and getting ready to go.  I’m between the rock and the hard place so I will do what I do…trudge on.  I will go back amidst the tears.  I will prepare to leave amidst the pain.  I will follow through with my plans and try to be an upbeat, ok guy to be around tonight.  All the while, I will also be praying that the Lord comes quickly.  I don’t like this world with its pain and gloomy, overcast days.  I long for another world but in this present moment, I will do what I need to do until that day comes.

If you are reading my words and my thoughts written for myself, know that I believe in the power of God to heal.  I just want it all today.  Know that I am not advocating any end to my life or this world outside of God’s due time and plan.  I just want it now.  Know the tears will dry and I expect better days.  It’s just not what I’m feeling right now.  Know that as I write of this pain and this hurt, it is because I know there is a better time coming, one where there is no sorrow, no pain, no hurt, no tears of loneliness or woundedness or sadness.  I just want it in this moment.  Know that through expressing the pain I feel today, I have hope that this valley will lead to another mountaintop.  I just want to be out of the valley now.

Oh Lord, I cry out to you to make things right, to capture my heart and my mind and reveal yourself and your will to me in clear and evident ways and to hear my pleas and to answer the calls from my heart.  Please, God, exalt me in your ways and cover me in your favor.

Grace and peace.

A New Year. A New Peace?

01 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

Peace is something I need and that I am diligently searching for in my life.  I do not feel as if I have known peace for many years.  Oh, there have been moments.  Vacation week at Fun Valley always brought moments of peace.  There have been others but they are more fleeting and I want a peace that lasts.  The thing is, it’s a choice I make but I don’t always make the right choice.  Here’s another guest post (www.tinybuddha.com) about finding more peace.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/6-steps-to-release-your-fear-and-feel-peaceful/

Happy New Year!

Grace and peace.