Category Archives: Life

Stay Put

29 Monday Dec 2014

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Be still and know that I am God. – Psalm 46:10

Stillness is not a trait of our society.  AM/FM radio, HD radio, SiriusXM radio, Pandora, iTunes radio, Spotify, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn…and whatever else you may be looking for, well, there’s an app for that.  But this post isn’t about busyness or the things that divert our attention away from peace.  It’s a little broader than that (at least in my mind).

I think one of the hardest things some people do is stay where we are.  The grass is greener elsewhere, right?  I am a “spiritual person” and I spend time thinking about how and where God wants to use me.  (I put spiritual person in quotes because I’m not exactly sure what it means-for me it simply means I seek knowledge and direction from a higher power who works through me.)  Those thoughts have often led me to seeing things I could do in other places, both near and far.  I have certainly had people encouraging me to get out of the house/community I am in.  Move away.  Start over.  Find a new direction.

For some people that is the right direction.  I believe, for me, that has not been the right advice.  I believe I have been led to stay right where I am; to work in the mess that is all around me.  I believe I am led to stay right in the middle of a life where people have spoke falsehoods about me, where people have questioned my motives and my choices and where I have lost so much, been attacked and wounded.  I believe I have been given an inner strength to withstand the blows I still feel at times, to withstand the rumors and looks I get or believe I get at times.

I have a desire to be a peacemaker and peacemakers are not needed where there is no conflict.  As convoluted as it seems, I believe I am right where I am supposed to be to use the gifts I have to help people find peace in the midst of storms.  If I can do it in my own life, I am a living example that it can happen.

Fortunately, I am blessed by people around me who are examples of sticking.  I have two couples who are very dear friends who have stuck when it appeared it would have been easier to split.  I have found a wife who has led me to experience joy and thankfulness in the very place where I once felt hurt and sadness.  Staying where I am has brought about many good things in my life even when it seemed it would be easier to go somewhere else.

It may be one of the toughest decisions I have made is to stay where I am.  I think it may be my calling to stay and to show people how peace can be found, even created, by making the choice to seek peace and to be strong in the face of conflict.

Staying has not been easy at times while also bringing someone into my life that convinces me staying was exactly the right thing and exactly where I was led.  Staying may not always be the right decision and my life isn’t the pattern for everyone else.  I know others are led to go and I applaud the courage that takes.  I also want to applaud those who stay because that takes a lot of courage too.

Grace and peace.

Be Yourself

14 Sunday Dec 2014

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

“Just be yourself.”  I don’t know how many times I have been given that piece of advice.  Apparently most people find me to be an alright guy so they remind me to be myself.  I will admit there are some parts of me I like.  I like my ability to listen.  I like my ability to understand people.  I like that I care about others and want the best for them.  I like that I can see strengths in people and find ways to help them expand on those.  I like that I had Lasik surgery and don’t have not needed to wear glasses the last 10 years after wearing them for 25 years of my life.

I used to like my hair.  It was rich and full and blonde.  My eyes aren’t as good as they were 10 years ago.  The pain in my knee reminds me a knee replacement is likely in my future.

And then there are all the things I don’t like.  Oh man, too many to list here and I am the very worst critic of myself so it gets pretty daunting.  That leads me back to the quote by Hanh above.  How often do I live by what is or by what I perceive to be others acceptance?  How often do I imagine what others are thinking?  How often do I tear myself apart because I do not feel I met someone’s expectations?

Acceptance of self may be the biggest hurdle some people ever overcome.  I grew up in a religious environment where the message I heard (maybe not what was said but what I heard) was that I was never good enough for God.  I couldn’t accept myself as his child.  I couldn’t accept myself as good enough.  I will never forget when a dear friend of mine told me, “God has never been ashamed of you.”  He said the right words at the right time.

Acceptance of self is critical to truly healthy living.  Accepting that the way I was created, shaped, formed and what I was given is perfect for me means I will begin to see the beauty of me.  I see it so easily in others yet it’s so hard to see in myself.

Learning to accept self is one of the hardest lessons I will learn.

Learning to accept self is one of the greatest lessons I will learn.

Grace and peace.

It’s Friday. Time to Laugh!

21 Friday Nov 2014

Posted by in funny, Life, phone, Tripp and Tyler

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The Catalyst conference is the best leadership conference I have ever attended.  Maybe the best conference I have attended period.  Tripp and Tyler help keep it flowing and interested and are a couple of funny guys.  So, for Friday, I give you their latest video on phone tips.

Have a great weekend!

Grace and peace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDSGh8i4hcs&feature=em-subs_digest

Hurting in a Hard World

19 Wednesday Nov 2014

Posted by in Life, Uncategorized

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When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. – Henri Nouwen

This quote resonates loudly with me.  Rick, Jason, Bart, Jacob, Rick, Everett and Dennis have loved me through very hard, very dark days.  They were with me daily, in person, by text or on the phone.  Certainly in prayer.  That extends out to Joey, David, Joe, Doyle, Mark, Jerry, Garry, Joe, Amy, Kyle, Zach, Beverly, Jeff, John, Dan, Barry, Donnie, Chris and many other people.  They walked with me too.  Then, there is my VSW.  Kelly.  My gift of grace from God.  So much light in my life.  So rich and deep in her soul.  Overflowing with hope and joy and love.

Some people never have one person that allows this quote to fit their lives.  I have a host of people.  I am tempted to question why some times but better judgment allows me to simply be thankful.  So today, I write about hurt and pain and anger and darkness from a different point of view.  I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, or as I like to say, I have walked the edge of hell and came through it because so many people were holding my hands, pulling me, pushing me, holding me up, hugging me, encouraging me, challenging me, crying with me, laughing with me…loving me, loving me always, loving me unconditionally.

So today I look at Ferguson, Missouri and I empathize with so many people who are hurting.  On all sides of the issue.  I pray for peace in the midst of the storm.  I pray for conversation instead of gunfire, hope instead of stones.

So today I am thankful my VSW’s niece can call my VSW and share her hurt and know there is someone who will listen and love and hope and encourage.

So today I am praying for a friend of a friend of my VSW who is angry at God.  I do not know his specific journey but I know anger at God.  I pray he will find peace, that his anger will be focused where it belongs and he can find a way to forgive.

I hate a world full of hurt, hate, anger.  I want a world that does not include what is happening in Ferguson, drug addiction, suicide or Charles Manson.  I can hate what is bad and hope for something completely different than what is but that doesn’t make it go away.

So, in the middle of all of the mess I want to be a person who will share pain and touch wounds with a warm and tender hand.  I want to be the person that so many others have and continue to be in my life.  I want to be hope and peace and love.

Grace and peace.

Thankfulness

07 Friday Nov 2014

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“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” ~Henri Nouwen

I want to overflow with thankfulness.  OVERFLOW!

Yesterday, I was thinking while praying (yes, sometimes I can chew bubblegum and walk at the same time) all that I had to be thankful for.  For instance, my job situation right now isn’t the best, lots of problems and I know the position could go away depending on some different factors, and yet I am thankful for this job in the midst of those issues.  I’m thankful because it brought me home.  I’m thankful because it allowed me to marry my VSW and start a life that is more fulfilling than anything I have known or can remember.  I’m thankful that God has given me this time and this space to live and love and realize all that I have.

Yes, there is stress with my job.  Yes, there is financial stress with what the last few years have brought me.  Yes, there may be lots of stress in lots of areas…yet I want to live thankfully and trust all the rest will work out if I am true to being thankful and doing the best I can do to be the best husband, father, friend, employee and child of God I can be.  And I want to overflow with thankfulness.

Joy comes from thankfulness.  I want to be a catalyst for more joy in the world.

Grace and peace.

Yeah, I voted too.

06 Thursday Nov 2014

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I voted on Tuesday.  Like many of my friends and thousands of people I don’t know, I took the time to cast my vote as part of the “democratic process” and let my voice be heard.  I heard 2/3 of the populace did not vote.  I am not surprised.

I voted but I cannot say it makes me proud because in this election, like so many others, I feel I am voting for the candidate who is not as bad as another.  The mud slinging, name-calling, attack ads and arrogance do not lead me to believe “in” a candidate and to believe even less of what they say.  Then there is the cash.  Lots and lots of cash.  From lobbyists.  From corporations.  From political machines.  Why does it take millions and millions of dollars to run a campaign?  And, how in the world does a candidate spend that much getting elected and then say the money to feed and house the homeless is not available?  Say what?

Men and women have sacrificed to give us the right to vote.  They have bled, lost friends, lost limbs, lost lives.  They have given of everything they have for everything we have and I bet not a single one of them did it hoping partisan politics and cash would rule the day.  What a sorry job so many candidates do of honoring what was given for their right to seek office.  It is disgusting at many levels.

In another life I was very political.  I stayed up with a meat and cheese tray watching election results and I knew all the candidates.  Then real life hit me and realized that what we have now is barely a semblance of what people have and continue to sacrifice their life and limb and mental health for in our country.

Billions of dollars have been spent in my lifetime to get people elected.  How many families live on dollars a day, on the streets, who cannot get treatment for mental and physical illness and so many other needs so someone can get “elected” to office to be a “public servant” and help the people who need the most help?

For the record, I voted for Republicans, Democrats and Libertarians in this election.  I do not belong to a party.  I belong to God and I live in the United States of America.  (United.  Now there’s a word our politicians need to think about.)  I am conservative in some areas, liberal in others and moderate on most.  Not that any of that matters.  What matters is, and what should matter the most in our elections, is who truly has a heart for serving others.  When I find a ballot full of that type of candidate, I will truly be proud to vote.

Grace and peace.

Disease

03 Monday Nov 2014

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Over the weekend I heard the story of a young lady who opted to take her own life instead of battling a terminal illness.  I cannot imagine the thoughts that she may have wrestled with in making the decision and the days leading up to her death.  I know disease drives us to different places, whether it is something as simple as a cold or as scary what that young lady had to face.

One disease that I have battled is fear.  It is a disease that can take hold of my life and create a range of feelings and emotions.  Fear can be a lingering, nagging illness and fear can be debilitating.  I have no doubt there are people who have taken their own lives because of fear and I know people who have quit living because of fear.  It is certainly had a stranglehold on me at times.

I battled the disease on Saturday.  I thought I was getting over it and moving forward with a new outlook and, out of the blue, BOOM!  Fear was back evoking thoughts and feelings that shot through my brain.  It affected my breathing.  It affected my emotions.  It had my brain spinning and my stomach churning.

I suppose there is medicine out there that will help people battle fear but I possess something that is powerful and effective against the disease.  Choice.  I can choose whether to live in the fear or to move past it.  I can choose to believe in something better than fear.  I can choose to write a different story.  I can choose to know that what I often fear never comes to fruition and, if it does, there is little I can do to change it.  All fear does is stop me from living through it.

Choice is a powerful thing.  It cannot stop every disease but it can stop fear.  While I let part of my Saturday be overcome by fear, I eventually chose to move on, to trust in something better, to not listen to the little fear demon and believe that what I hope for is what is real.  I swallowed the choice pill and I’m feeling much, much better about life today.

Grace and peace.

I Can’t Forget

17 Friday Oct 2014

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My last few posts have been on the rosier side of life and, this day, I still feel I am walking in the abundance of God.  That said, I can’t forget and I won’t forget the trail that I have walked to this point.  It hasn’t been rosy.

My silent prayer this morning was this, “God, I have walked with you to a special place.  Even here, there ares trials.  Please keep walking me through them.”

I’ve met and married an incredible woman.  Because I believe in evil forces, I know we will be under attack to tear away at what is so good.  One of those bombs hit me yesterday and the first thought I had was, “oh no, she’s going to see how weak and fallible I am.”  Now, I’ve told this VSW the worst of the worst about me and she still married me so why do I quickly think all the sudden she will change her mind about me?

The good news is my VSW (by the way, that has changed from “very special woman” to “VERY SPECIAL WIFE”) is strong in her faithfulness to God and her faithfulness to me.  On a day when bad news hit me, I could quickly think back to a special moment for me where she expressed her love all over again.  It was empowering.

I am in a very different place today emotionally and spiritually than I have ever been in my life.  While here, I can’t forget where I have been and that the negative attacks will not cease.  While that may be the case, I am stronger and have a VSW who keeps building me up to get through those problems and move forward.

I can’t forget the past and I will learn from the lessons that came with it.  I also cannot miss the beauty of now and where I am and walk forward believing that we will come out of this even stronger and wiser than we were yesterday.

In the midst of attack I remain thankful.  Full of joy.  Full of grace.

Grace and peace.

I Have Issues

30 Tuesday Sep 2014

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“Strongholds are created by trauma and released by trust.” – David Terry

I have issues.  Shame issues.  Fear issues.  Rejection issues.

I hear voices.  “You blew it.”  “Others people/things are more interesting.”  “I’m done with you.”

As I examine these issues in my life, I realize the trauma was created by or with people who are the closest to me.  The people I should feel the safest with are the very ones that introduced the trauma, sometimes without knowing it or realizing it themselves.  Yet the trauma and the strongholds of shame, fear and rejection that came with the trauma started with someone very close to me.

The great news is that I can overcome the stronghold.  The feat is that I have to trust people close to me to do overcome it.  Dang!  Couldn’t it be easier than that?  Isn’t there a phrase I can say in front of a mirror or a breathing exercise that will let me overcome that stronghold on my own without putting my heart and emotions on the line?  Well, the easy answer is no.

The longer answer is that the strongest thing I can do is trust in something or someone who has hurt me.  It’s easy to withhold trust.  It’s easy to say I will talk to them, smile at them and not let them in my mind but, oh snap, it is HARD to trust knowing I might get smacked again.

The cool thing in my life is that I have proven trusting works.  I’m not afraid to let you know it isn’t always easy but it does work.  I’m not afraid to let you know that sometimes old thoughts creep back in but they can be overcome.  I’m not even afraid to let you know that old wounds can be reopened but you can be stronger for the effort and the pain more manageable…or even negligible if you have worked out (trusted) enough.

I have issues but each day I am getting stronger and finding it easier to open myself up to trust.  In myself.  In others.  Trusting is strengthening my mind.  And my soul.

I think there is a simple explanation why it works.  God always trusts.  I don’t earn his trust, he gives it freely.  Regardless of how many times I have broken it, he is open to trusting me again time and time again.  Imagine the strength.  So, why shouldn’t I do the same? Why shouldn’t I keep trusting over and over and over again.  If I want to live Godly, giving trust is a key.  So, when I see my issues creep up and hear the voices talking lies, I have to reach within and open myself up to trust.  Trusting overcomes the shame, the fear, the rejection and leaves me with the ability to see what is true and right and noble and good.

I have issues.  And, I have weapons to combat them and to overcome them.

Grace and peace.

Can You Believe It?

11 Thursday Sep 2014

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Those who know me and those who have found and read my blog know the journey I have been on.  I break it down in 8 month/2 year/10-15 year segments representing some events in my life that were hard for me.  They caused pain.  Lots of VERY intense pain.

THEN THERE IS THIS!!!!!!

My VSW and I got a marriage license yesterday!  Can you believe it?  It almost seems like a dream but she was there and I could feel her next to me.  A few years ago I couldn’t imagine this day.  I wasn’t planning to ever get married again.  I was not going to put my heart on the line.

I believe God had another plan for me.  He had someone for me that would be the hands and feet of Christ in my life.  He, the one Paul says can do immeasurably more than I can imagine, did just that.

She is bringing new insights into my life.  About God.  About me.  About marriage.  About life.

I thank God for this VSW.  I never imagined there was someone out there I would want to spend the rest of my life with or that I could love and trust completely.  I know we will face struggles and I won’t be surprised if we face seasons that are tough for us individually or as a couple.  That said, I have never felt more equipped with a partner who I believe with all my heart will walk through those times with me.  And, here’s the really, really cool part.  She is there to walk with me through the great times, the fun times, the growing times, the times of joy.

I got a marriage license yesterday!  Can you believe it?

I wish you could see the smile on my heart right now.  It’s HUGE!

Grace and peace.