Our western society is built on doing…doing something, doing more, doing, doing, doing. Put in the hours and you will get ahead.  I was here until 10:00 last night.  I live on coffee and more coffee.  What have you done for me lately?  I am the first one here and the last one to leave.

And then you die.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

That’s the #2 regret of a group of 90-somethings as told to their hospice nurse.  It’s opposite of what we are told and trained to do.  She said, “This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I am one who typically puts in a 45-50 hour week but have been fortunate that I rarely missed one of my kid’s events.  I had parents who were always present and while it seemed like a lot of parenting at the time, I realize how much the kids who didn’t have parents supporting them appreciated my parents being there.  I coached my kids teams in their early years and got to be friends with their friends who played on the team.  As they grew up, the relationships often grew with both my kids and their friends.  Today, I wouldn’t trade for those moments and those memories.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

Even with all of that, I haven’t had a real vacation in years.  When I say real vacation, I mean one where I didn’t check email at least once a day.  One where I was able to be all-in on the vacation and not worry about what was going on back at the office.  It seems I am perpetually “on” with a work mindset and often not enjoying whatever else it is I could be doing.  It’s hard to turn it off and live life it seems.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I’m not sure this will be a regret I would have but I know many who well may feel this way.  I hope you are living life, focusing on relationships and not work and enjoying the minutes you have that are yours.  As the saying goes, we need to work to live, not live to work.

Grace and peace.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I’m following up on a post I wrote on December 16th (No Guarantees) about the top regrets of 90+ year olds as told to a hospice nurse.  I have and have heard many others talk about living with no regrets, doing the things that are on their bucket lists and such.  How I wish I could live with no regrets but I have a bucket full of them.  I suppose I could simply say “live with my choices and move on” and to some degree that is what I do.  Yet, I can’t help but remember some choices I made that I knew wasn’t right and I did it anyway.  On one hand some good things/lessons/people did come into my life because of those choices and I have used the lessons of the journey to help others.  On the other hand, there’s the what-if had I done things differently.  So, regrets may be a part of life so how do I minimize them?  Here’s lesson #1 from people who spent a lot of time on earth.

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Oh yeah.  This thought is similar to my birthday post…living boldly, not worrying what others think about me, not needing “friends” just to be accepted.  A great idea but one that isn’t easy for the masses of which I am one.  That said, just take some time to be quiet and still and imagine reaching the end of your life and dying with the knowledge you had been true to yourself, to your heart, to your desires.

I wanted to be a psychology major when I went to college.  My parents said they would help pay for an accounting degree.  I’ve made a living most of my life doing accounting and I’ve lived my passion by trying to help people overcome life’s challenges.  I can’t help but ask myself how I would view life today if I was living my passion daily (and hopefully making money) instead of what pays the bills,  What if I had the courage to live true to myself?  Instead, I waited until nearly 50 years old to go back to school and get a degree that allows me to be more intentional and even do some training in what I am passionate about while still living by day as an accountant.  I’m working towards crafting the life I want once I can walk away from the corporate gig.

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Let’s ramp it up a bit.  I’ve grown up middle-class and spend most of my time with people who are middle to upper middle-class.  They are primarily white, own (or pay the bank) for their homes, have cars for the spouse and all the kids…you get it.  Most would claim to be both Christian and Republican…or maybe Christlican because it gets blurry at times.  So I end up marrying a social worker and start to hear stories about people who are not in my peer group, who are left behind or forgotten or ignored.  Holy smokes Batman!  I just didn’t really know about these people because they don’t show up at church all dressed up and they don’t eat out at all the good restaurants.  I digress.  The point is my faith and politics have certainly diverted from the path most of my friends are on.  Do I have the courage to boldly speak up?  Will I one day regret that I wasn’t true to myself or keep going along to get along?

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Is that what I want to say on my deathbed?

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Is that what you want to say on your deathbed?

Grace and peace.

#time4change #lovemore