As I write this, I’m battling tears and chills and a hurting heart and a stomach full of knots…and questions.  I understand dear friends of mine are telling their 31 year old daughter goodbye right now, a husband is saying goodbye to his wife, a child is saying goodbye to her mother, brothers are saying goodbye to their sister.  It hurts.  It doesn’t make sense.  Why, oh why would God let this happen? 

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I have complete faith in God.  I believe he is sovereign in all things – good and bad.  I believe he sees more than I see, thinks differently than I think, understands in ways I cannot understand and is perfect in his will while I am far from perfect in anything I do.  I believe it all but still ask, why God? 

One day God may let us in on how and why these things occur the way they do.  Whether he does or not, I cannot let go of a faith that he reigns.  Jenny is headed to a place I want to be, to a place of perfection and beauty and a home with the Father, with our creator and savior, with the Lord.  I’m thankful this is what awaits her even as I hurt for her family and don’t want it to come to this just now.

Oh God, please rain your love and comfort on Jenny’s family in waves that covers them over and over.

Grace and peace to us all.

Edit: Just as I finished writing this, I learned that Jenny Ross Bizaillion passed away at 3:38 in the afternoon. 

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It’s time for another blogging holiday.  The things I want to say are not coming out in a way I want to say them.  Maybe they need to be expressed in a raw, even militant tone but I’m not ready for that yet if that’s the case so I’m thinking a hiatus will work well.  I have a friend who just finished a 3 month sabbatical to learn that he didn’t want to keep doing what he was doing so who knows, maybe I’ll never come back.

I may post some random (ever notice how teenage kids use that word often?) postings and thoughts but nothing too thought-provoking.  I’m setting March 1 as the target date to get back in the blogging saddle but I’ll play it by ear. 

If you want to do something for me, pray for peace.  I have so many friends going through an inner turmoil and I think it has hit some wounds and scars within me that have taken some of the peace I was enjoying.  I know satan is behind it all so I keep looking for ways to shut him down in my life and praying that God will do that in the lives of the people around me I know are hurting.

I’m also striving to see God’s vision for my life.  I have several things I’m thinking through and trying to understand what the future holds and what path  I need to be traveling.  I’m listening for God’s direction but think I have too much of my own thoughts banging around to hear him.  I think there are some incredible things ahead for me if I can just slow down and hear the voice of my Lord.

See you soon.

Grace and peace to you.
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There are some wars that seem like they will never end.  There is one going on between good and evil that will end one day and, fortunately, we know who the winner will be but it rages on today.  It is a fight for the heart and souls of every person walking the face of the earth and it is a fight that will have an impact on eternity for each of us.  Today, good friends are having to sit and wait as doctors perform an amputation on their daughter’s legs.  All they can do is wait, think and pray and in those moments, evil is looking for a crack to invade, to divide and destroy. 

That battle is there for everyone of us all the time.  Evil comes in less vulgar forms than an amputation and it comes in more dramatic forms.  Evil waits, it is patient and it is shrewd – ready to take over when the opportunity is present.

I’m hurting for my friends today.  I’m heartbroken and wondering what God has planned for all of them and I’m praying diligently that they will see his will through this.  As my relationship with God grows strong and closer, I see the attacks better and being able to see them makes me stronger to fight them but I must be on-guard so I can be prepared for the fight.

Pray for the Ross/Bizailllion family today.  Whether you know their struggle or not, please offer up a prayer that they will see God, know his peace and be open to his plans for them.

Grace and peace to you.
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I had a conversation yesterday with someone I would have probably avoided a few years ago.  He recently plead guilty to a crime that would make most people want to throw stones at him at worst, treat him like a leper at best.  When I saw him yesterday, I felt some level of understanding of his pain and concern for how people look at him and simply let him know that I was praying for him.  I think it surprised him a little and, hopefully, gave him a moment of peace knowing someone else is out there lifting him up to God. 

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Nothing I did is noteworthy but what God has done in me certainly is.  He is working on my heart, chiseling away at some gunk that has built up over the years.  He’s cleaning it up and reshaping it back to the image he first made it.  There’s a ways to go, a lot more chiseling to do and I assure you it isn’t painless but so worthwhile.  He’s chiseling away my conceptions of right and wrong so I can better focus on his ideas, he’s chiseling away the way I judge people so I can begin to love them in whatever condition they are in, he’s chiseling away my “what’s in it for me” attitude so I can clearly think about “what’s in it for him.”  Oh, he has a lot of work yet to do, a long way to go to get rid of all the bad stuff I’ve packed in over 45 years but he’s working on me.  I feel it.  I know it.  My hope is that my heart and mind return to the pure state he first gave.

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Here’s a video about God’s chiseling.  I enjoyed it and while I can’t remember if I’ve posted it here before, I think it’s always worth a second look.

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http://skitguys.com/store/detail/188/  Click on Watch Preview below the video and enjoy.

Grace and peace to you.
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Wow.  How about all that snow yesterday?  We got somewhere between 8″ and 11″ of snow depending on where you measure and it was beautiful.  A lot of people are “snowed in” but it was great driving around this morning seeing the snow in different places and different forms covering the houses, mailboxes, buildings, bushes, trees, etc.  I’m not prepared for snow like this but I love it and hate to see it go away soon.

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I hear the Winter Olympics start tonight.  It doesn’t seem like I’ve heard much about it and my plans tonight don’t include watching the opening ceremonies.  I’ll try to catch Apollo Anton Ohno – I like that speed skating stuff – and I’ll watch some of the downhill skiing and snowboarding events (if they are included this year) but not much else. 

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I think a politician who doesn’t open their mouth much has a good chance of succeeding more often than not.  That Debra Medina lady put her foot in her mouth yesterday.  Ouch.

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I hope next week is a better blogging week.  My thought processes aren’t working in a way that I want to write what I’m thinking this week.  Like a politician, sometimes it’s just better to zip it.  So, I’ll let Paul talk for me today:

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13: 6-7

Grace and peace to you.
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I’m running on empty lately, mentally and emotionally.  The thoughts and words are sporadic at best so today is just a day for some news and facts.

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Jenny Bizaillion remains in ICU.  They are going to try and wake her up today and see if they can remove her from the ventilator.  They are asking for prayers that she remain calm when she wakes up so they can begin the process, otherwise, they will likely have to sedate her again and wait until another day. 

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I cannot imagine what her husband, parents and other family are going through.

Go here https://www.carepages.com/carepages/JennyBizaillionUpdates and read the update for February 11th at 6:28 a.m. for a way to help.  David and Jenny do not have health insurance.  One of the Elders at our church has suggested in the update that if everyone who is registered for Jenny’s Carepages update (over 4,000) gave $100, a big dent would be made in their medical expenses.  Fantastic.

Now to the less dynamic.

There is a good 3″ of snow on the ground in Decatur, Texas.  It’s beautiful and the good snowball-making snow. 

Texas will probably squeeze into the Big Dance but their play of late doesn’t indicate they will get out of the 1st round.  Their play has been pathetic. 

Spring training is about a week away.  I was talking with someone in the Rangers organization this week and his excitement for what could be this year was energizing.  He’s not one to get overly excited but he thinks they can really make a run for the title in the next few years. 

I used to think baseball was boring.  I now understand how many things are going on in a game and I can’t wait for baseball season to start every year and I hate when it’s over. 

That’s all for now.  I’m worn out and have written nothing.  I’ll probably take tomorrow off and see how it goes next week.

Until then, know that God is sovereign, that he is working in the worst of situations, that his love never fails.

Grace and peace to you.
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This weekend was tough and the hard part isn’t over.  The daughter of two dear friends is in ICU battling for her life.  One of our church members gave birth to twins and there have been and continue to be health struggles for both of them.  A missionary and his wife that I am very close to lost a baby in the early stages of pregnancy last week.  I’m hurting for all of them.  I know others who are battling different problems and I hurt for them too.  The positive thing about all of it is that it keeps me and many others in more constant contact with God, the healer and comforter. 

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I’m tired of fighting but in the midst of the battle, I see God at work and that, all by itself, brings joy and peace in my life.  I wish I could lay down my weapons, relax and rest but it isn’t time for that right now.  The fight for what is good and pure and noble and beautiful rages on and I need to be engaged.

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I see God at work.  I know he is sovereign and he is working for the good of those who love him. 

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Grace and peace to you.
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It seems that battles never end.  Fighting in the mid-East.  Racial discrimination.  Freedom.  Increasing or losing market share.  Bridgeport vs. Decatur.  We find battles in many different stages, many different levels of intensity, many different consequences; but battles never stop.

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Satan never leaves his battle with us.  He may back off, he may slow down but he is always lurking, always waiting for the right moment to pounce.  Our weakness, too often, is failing to be aware that the battle is out there, waiting for us. 

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Thankfully, even though the battle rages, even though we might take a few hits and suffer some wounds, the Lord is our shepherd, we shall not want…if what we want his him, not us, not our desire, but his and his alone.

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Grace and peace to you.
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Grace and peace to you.  I have been finishing my posts with that line for some time now and it means so much to me.  Paul, a good friend of mine even though I never met him, used it in his letters and time after time I read over the words not thinking much about them.  Today I cling to it.  Today I have an appreciation for what God’s grace and peace feel like.  I don’t claim to understand it or know everything about it but I do certainly know more about his grace and peace than at any other time in my life.

Today I can face whatever comes my way if I will hang on to God’s grace and peace in my life.  Today I can forgive completely and love unconditionally if I will hang on to God’s grace and peace in my life.  Today I can say anything, share anything, be authentic about anything because I am reaching for and grabbing on to God’s grace and peace in my life.

If you have never experienced perfect peace in the moment you think nothing can be as bad as what you are going through, I hope you do.  If you have never experienced God’s grace knowing you are cleansed at the moment you acknowledge your burden, your struggle, your failure, I hope you do.  It’s out there waiting for you.  It’s incredible and wonderful and overwhelming.  It comes from a father who loves us in spite of what we do, he forgives us and let’s go of our past failings and always looks ahead to how he can help us be better, stronger, wiser.

Here’s a thought I don’t remember having before but one that gave me shivers when I thought about it.  I have talked about looking forward to the day I worship with God in heaven but what hit me one day…this is a bit crazy…I think God is looking forward to the day he can worship with me in heaven.  He loves me so much that he is excited about the day I show up.  I believe it and I rejoice in his love.

Grace and peace to you.
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Freezing fog?  That just sounds odd but that’s what the weatherman says some of us will experience this morning. 

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I didn’t watch the Pro Bowl or the Grammys.  No interest whatsoever.  I watched movies with my son and a friend instead. 

Why is it that we sometimes get beat up for trying to do the right thing?  For me, it’s hard to recover from that and causes me to want to distance myself from the situation and the people around it. 

I’ve got some things I want to say this week but working through how to say them.  They might be a bit harsh for some folks and while I care more and more about saying the right thing whether it is comfortable or not, I want to try and say it gracefully.  That doesn’t always work out for me but I’ll still try and let the chips fall where they may. 

That said, I want to be done with playing Christian.  I see few examples in the Bible where people were comfortable Christians.  There were trials, there was pain and there was freedom.  Freedom from hiding behind fear but living boldly because of the king, freedom from being locked down into someone’s view of what a Christian did and said because our perfect example never feared going where he needed to be to save sinners from sin, freedom from hiding their sin trying to look good to others but living in confession and allowing the unmatchable grace of God to flow over them like rain.  I want to live free knowing what that choice will probably lead to in my life.  Freedom has never been free; a price must be paid.  People have died and suffered lingering wounds for freedom.  I can’t expect living in freedom will be easy.  In fact, I know it won’t but I have tasted true freedom and I am preparing for battle so I can continue to live deeper in it.

Grace and peace to you.
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