I’ve recently been reading about “presence” as it relates to our ability to use technology to know when people are available to us and when they are not. The use of Skype and other technologies are truly fascinating to me by allowing people to know when you are available by email, or in your office or by cell or whether you are in a meeting, on vacation or just unavailable.
In college, I had a friend who always amazed me by his ability to stay “present” with whomever he was conversing even though he might have 20 people come by and say hello to him. He never let the person he was speaking with feel like anyone else was more important. It’s no wonder everyone considered him a friend and enjoyed his company.
In my life, there is someone else who is always present for me, who is always available to listen and always willing to help. God is forever present. His presence in my life is for my benefit. When I fall, He will pick me up. When I cry, He will wipe my tears. When I shout for joy, He cheers with me. Whatever I need, whenever I need it, God is present for me. I can move through life knowing nothing is more important to Him than me at any moment and all the while knowing that nothing is more important than anyone who will call on Him. He shares equal presence with us all and always is present for me. Hallelujah that I have a friend who cares so much.

I love this weather. It was 59 degrees in Decatur when I took my kids to school this morning and I’m loving it. My kids were out early, riding their scooters and enjoying the coolness while complaining about it freezing and no more swimming.
I love my kids and I get a kick out of listening to them. To this point, they are fairly unaffected by the world around them and their biggest joys and struggles are in the moment. Their existence is relatively carefree and they aren’t burdened by much at all. I miss those days. It is so true that we can’t wait to grow up only to find the freedom and independence of it all isn’t so free after all.
I have a great appreciation of joy through my children. The joy they have in the littlest of things brings a smile to my face and makes me realize that the thing I worry about, the things that bring stress into my life shouldn’t be what controls my life. I want to learn to live with the joy of a child, to see the goodness in others and let the struggles not be something to weigh me down but to deal with as I watch the smile on a child’s face.
I think (no, I know) that’s what God wants to see in me. I know He wants to see me joyous, to see me caring about others and letting Him help me with my struggles. I hope I can continually learn to do that. I want to laugh like Joshua, be content like Kory and enjoy my time and the people in it.

I don’t enjoy waiting on God. When I pray, I trust the answer will come quickly. Often it does, but it seems of late that my prayers don’t seem to get the response I expect. Maybe I’m getting an answer I’m not looking for. Maybe I’m supposed to use this time to see something I was missing. Maybe He’s preparing me for the answer. I don’t know but I want my prayers answered. I am impatient. I’m confident in what I’m asking for, confident it would be good and confident God would use it for His glory but still I wait. It’s confusing for me. Am I asking for the wrong thing? Am I clueless to His will? And still I wait and continue my plea. Hear me, O God. Search my heart. I pray my motives are good and my desire is to do Your will. I will wait God. I will continue to lift up my needs to You, I will continue to trust that You will hear me and answer me and bless me. I will beat the evil one who tells me to quit waiting, who tells me You are not listening. I will continue to pray, I will continue to hope, I will continue to trust in You.

I enjoy so many memories. My children have provided so many as has 40 years of memory making. One thing that makes me sad at times is that I forget things I wish I would remember. Again, thoughts of the kids come to mind and the funny things they say or do that I wish I could always remember but they get lost in my jumbled mind.
I thought about memories yesterday in church while taking the Lord’s Supper. Do this to remember me, we are told. Every week, we have the opportunity to remember the struggle, the pain, the agony that Jesus endured for us and the victory He experienced for all of us when He left the tomb.
Jesus’ death and resurrection is a memory I don’t want to forget. I’m blessed to have it as a focal point at least once a week but I don’t want to remember it only once a week. This is a memory I want to cling to, a memory I want when I’m tempted, when I struggle, when I’m down, when I begin to think I’m responsible for my success, when I begin to think I’m in control. It’s a memory I want to always have near me to remember who’s child I am, to remember who loves me beyond comprehension.
Dear God, give me a good memory and let me always keep Jesus, the cross and the resurrection in the forefront of my mind and my life.

I want the devil to the the funny looking guy with horns and a tail and a pitchfork, all red, so I can see him and keep an eye on him. Unfortunately, he seems to hit me dressed up as a word that doesn’t strike me so well, as a computer problem that causes me to change my attitude towards people, as a TV show I want to watch that uses bad language and as a feeling of being worn down that makes me rather stay home than go to church. The rascal strikes me in ways I can’t see but I know he’s there. I know it because he takes a guy who really, truly wants to act like a Christian and causes him to act differently. I know it because I say and do things to family, to friends and to strangers that I don’t reflect the person I want to be.
I’m glad to know the devil has been beaten, that he can only taunt me but that he can’t beat me because I have a stronger, unseen force helping me fight the battle. Lord, let me use your Spirit to see the devil through his disguise. Let me be the person you want me to be, Lord. Praise to God for winning the battle and giving us aid to fight the fight.

I want to have a heart like God’s. I want to love people the way that God loves people. I want to forgive people the way God forgives people. I want to know a peace and a joy that I can only find through God. As I study the life of David and see his repentence and God’s forgiveness, I realize that to have a heart like God’s, I must be like God. I must forgive and not hold grudges. I most love when someone doesn’t seem loveable. I must see the people around me the way God sees the people around me.
Too often I find myself wondering about people’s motives, making judgements of their actions, holding on to a negative feeling for something someone said or did that I may have even misunderstood.
God, let me truly forgive when I am wronged. Help me forgive with a heart that erases whatever happened from my mind, the way You forgive me.
God, let me truly love others, let me see them through your eyes and through your heart. God, let me have compassion for others like you have compassion on me.
Let me know your heart and your ways. Help me to be an example of what you are, help me to be a light to the world.

Count your blessings, name them one by one. It’s a part of an old hymn we don’t sing much anymore but one of my favorites that I still sing to myself often. I forget how blessed I am. When I deal with sleepless nights, diabetes, sick kids, bills and on and on, I forgot how blessed I am. A great wife, beautiful and healthy children, an incredible church family, a good home, a good job…I forget these things. How and why do I let that happen? I don’t know really but that’s why I often find myself singing in my head “count your blessings, name them one by one, count your blessings, see what God has done…”
Thank you God for blessing me so richly.

I enjoy my traditions. What about you? On election night, nothing is better than some cheese and summer sausage, maybe some chips and hot sauce to snack on while I stay up late watching the returns. When I go on vacation, I like to go to the same place, to a routine I’m comfortable with. When I mow, I usually cut the grass in one of two patterns. I like the comfort of some traditions. At the same time, there are traditions I need the Lord to get ahold of and break me free from. I was at a meeting with some church folks recently and one of the questions that came up had to be borne of a long-held tradition by this individual – something that was obviously important to him to the extent he would make it an issue even though it should not have been. I chuckled inwardly while also thinking, what are the things that keep me bound to something I shouldn’t be bound to? Lord, push me to understand you better. Don’t let the way I’ve always done it be my reason for not exploring Your will more deeply. Lord, break me free of the shackles I put on myself and make me a warrior for you.

Why do bad things happen to good people? I’ve heard that question asked numerous times and I’m always stumped for a good answer. A friend recently lost his 12 year old nephew to cancer. An employee lost her months old baby to SIDS. Cooks Childrens Hospital in Ft. Worth and places like it all over the country are filled with terminally sick children. Then there are the folks that have been displaced and lost everything from Hurricane Katrina. You can hear stories like this everyday and are left with the question of “why?”
I’ve read a number of posts on blogs lately about why God, if He exists, would let these things happen. If He’s so good, so loving, why would people have to endure this pain and turmoil. I wish I knew. I wish I had the right answer for them. I can take them to scripture and tell them that the rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous, I can tell them God has a plan, I can tell them God can take their burdens but without faith on their part, it will fall on deaf ears.
One day we may know. One day we can ask God all these questions. I don’t know if I will because I can’t help but think I’ll be overwhelmed with heaven. I think all the tough questions of life might become insignificant as I bask in His glory and hear the angels sing.
I have to remind myself that what’s important isn’t here and now, it’s in my future. The things I want to know now won’t be important one day and the pain I see will be replaced by an incredible joy and happiness that will be beyond anything I can imagine today. I look forward to that day.

Going to church is a wonderful thing. I’ve heard all the talk about finding God wherever you are and I believe that is possible. I also believe there is a reason the church was established. It does so many good things for us when we attend and participate. The benefit I so often find is hearing a message that really speaks to my heart, that speaks to something I’ve been battling. Yesterday, our class study based in Romans was about how we want to do the right thing but too often end up doing the wrong thing. Oh, how I wrestle with that. I pray that God will give me wisdom and strength to do what I need to do and then I find myself saying or thinking or doing something I shouldn’t. What is wrong with me? Why I am wired this way? Can God ever love me when I stumble so much? And then…there it is in His word that others have stumbled , that we all wrestle with a sinful nature that we must be aware of and work on all the time. It’s not just me. It’s not just me. There are others fighting the same battle, there are others who have the same struggles. I take comfort knowing it’s not just me but the devil messes with all of us. And best of all, God will help us, God will love us, God will forgive us, pick us up, brush us off and help us start fresh again.

Thank you God. Thank you for an incredible love. Thank you for an incredible gift. Thank you God.