Tag Archives: anger

Life is Good, Then People Show Up!

07 Thursday Aug 2014

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“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius

I have an antagonist in my life.  It is someone I have known closely for many years and someone who seems to thrive on pushing my buttons.  Typically I am an easy-going guy and I have put up with the antagonism with varying degrees of success for a long time.  Now, I’m just tired of it.

The most recent antagonistic choices affect my children.  Maybe that’s when the largest bowl of forgiveness should be poured out but I am ready to stand and fight.  I feel a line has been drawn in the sand and it is either stand up or put up with this for years to come.

A counselor once explained “righteous anger” to me.  He said righteous anger is what we feel when we know we are being abused or accused wrongly.  He talked about Jesus’ righteous anger and God’s righteous anger.  He let me know it was OK to fight for what is right.

I can take a lot of punches but if you punch one of my kids, well, the righteous anger comes quickly.  My children are being told lies and led to believe something that isn’t completely true.  It’s time they know the whole truth.

I have often found in my life that my greatest growth comes with some of the worst pain.  I do not ever want my children to feel pain but it may come at a price of not allowing them to grow either.

As I walk this road of learning to live fully and freely, I must also accept that it isn’t all sunshine, sandy beaches and rose strewn pathways.  It is a privilege to be alive and I have much to live for.  A VSW who is now my fiancee and will soon be my wife.  Great kids.  Great friends.  Great hope.  Living fully and freely also means I need to face some difficulties head on and quit trying to always make it easy for me and others.

It is a privilege to breathe, to think, to enjoy and to love.  I will strive to do it better and better each day, even when righteous anger may cause me to deal with the more unsavory things of this world.  However, dealing with them and moving on leads right back to breathing, thinking, enjoying and loving.  That’s where I am headed.  I’m headed there today.

Grace and peace.

On the Other Hand…

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

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Yes, two posts in one day.  It’s because I wrote When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough a few days ago when I was the lowest of my lows.  I was angry, mad, disgusted, frustrated with many other emotions flowing.  Last night and this morning weren’t significantly better.  I had more harsh words with God.

Then I had lunch.  It was at Fuzzy’s.  I know things are better when I get to have lunch at Fuzzy’s.  It was with a guy I didn’t know but knew of through some friends.  It’s a guy with contacts but it was more than that.  It was a guy who asked some good questions, who said some things to help me reorient my thought processes and encouraged me to stay focused on a passion and to believe God is working in the plans.  It was a good lunch.

It doesn’t make the pain and the fear I face go away.  It helps me see it differently though.

It reminded me there are the things the world tells me and there are the things I believe God is speaking into me.  There is security in money and possessions says the world, there is security in having nothing – no assets, no debts, nothing of this world, no bondage says God.  (No, I’m not saying God wants us to live as paupers, only that He wants us to trust in Him.)

I’m ready to sell all I have if I need to.  I’m ready to run through my retirement account if I need to.  I’m ready to pursue what I believe is a dream that God is drawing in my mind and if I’m living in that, finances and relationships and other things will work out as best they can.  Sure, the people that torment me may still torment me.  Sure, the bills will still come due.  Sure, there will be bad days.  There will also be a lot of good days, a lot of positive things happening and maybe some of those rough spots will smooth out.

Sometimes I need to work through my hard times in hard ways.  I need to process, to think, to withdraw to a place that is safe for me.  I ask my closest friends to pray for me in these times and hope they understand it helps me to think it out, sort it out, even speak/write it out.  I’m an introvert and that’s what introverts do.  Once I work through it, I can move on.

I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to be grateful.  I’m ready to be hopeful.  I’m ready to trust.  I’m ready to find the path that is the right path for me.  I expect ups and downs as I get there and I also expect to find good things at the end of the road.

Sometimes the days are dark.  Very dark.  On the other hand, some days are beautiful and filled with joy.  I’m looking towards the “on the other hand” days.

Grace and peace.

When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

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I’ve tried to be on a gratefulness track.  What I mean is that I am trying to live intentionally grateful for the good things in my life instead of so easily seeing the negative.

It doesn’t always work.

The preacher at our church is currently teaching on lament.  Google defines lament as “a passionate expression of grief.”  This afternoon has been full on lament for me.  I’m dealing with someone who has the ability to rip my heart out time after time.  (I can explore the ideal of me letting that happen another time.)  Today was no different and lament was in full swing.  Tears flowing.  Shouting at God.  No, SHOUTING at God.  Why?  Why?  What’s the purpose?  What I have done to have to endure this?  What haven’t I done that is causing me to have to endure this?  Where are you?  Why don’t you stop it?  Why don’t you act in ways that stop people from doing what they want without regard for anyone else?

Yes, I asked what the problem was and if there was another alternative.  The response was simply “I don’t want to do anything for you.”  Now, if it was feeding my dog or checking my mail, no big deal.  When it comes to what I love the most on this earth, and that is known by the other party, well, what the #$%^ God?

Yeah, my passionate expressions of grief can get pretty brutal.  I’m trusting God to understand how bad I hurt right now, to keep me safe and to confine my sharp tongue to my blog and no one else.  I’m trusting God to give me space to get through this and to return to gratefulness for the time I do have with my kids instead of being focused on the time that has been robbed from me.

I can’t stop what other people say to them.  I can’t stop their pain from the biting words they hear.  And that hurts all the more.  A dad wants to protect and defend.  It just doesn’t work that way all the time though.

At some point, I will talk to God and ask for His help in returning to a state of gratefulness.  I’ll thank Him for all the blessings I have.  For now, I still have some passionate expressions of grief to discuss.

Grace and peace.

And maybe a wallop with the 2X4 on those who try to steal it.