Robin Williams.  Dead way too early.

Williams was one of those people I’ve grown up with in a way.  His comedy and acting has been a part of my life for many years.  To hear of his death, presumably by suicide is certainly saddening.  Stories are out that he was suffering from depression.

I hate to say I sort of understand but I feel like I do.  Oh, I realize my scope of understanding is limited to my tiny world and not any research or scientific study I have done.  I do not want to admit that I have suffered from depression or any other clinically labeled issues but I probably have.  I have suffered through emotional and mental ups and downs and the toll, at times, has clouded how I have seen the gift of life and relationships.  I wonder if Williams knew how many people he touched and, if he did, why it didn’t make enough difference in his mind to stop him.  It’s a point where my questions give way to a lack of complete understanding.

In my world, I fall back on faith.  As I think about it, I find it a bit curious that I turn to something I probably don’t understand any better than I do depression and other clinical/medical issues.  I suppose I believe I understand it better.  At the very least, it is something I rather grab onto in the midst of a crisis because I certainly believe in God, certainly believe in an after-life that offers a beautiful new life and certainly believe that because of God, I have something more to offer here before I go.  I wish Williams had something in his life that would have allowed him to hang on, to persevere and to move past whatever it was that caused him to choose the path he did.

Many in my faith tradition will disparage those who commit suicide while I choose to believe God embraces them in his arms and is still weeping when he meets them knowing the pain they were going through on this earth.  I do not advocate suicide and would never applaud it while at the same time believing I understand, even a miniscule amount, of what might cause someone to choose it over life.  Maybe because of that, I feel bad there wasn’t more someone could do, wasn’t more Williams would have believed in to allow him to go through hell and keep going.

Godspeed Robin Williams.  You will be missed.

Grace and peace.