Tag Archives: faith

Weekend Recovery

13 Monday May 2013

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What a weekend.  My daughter came home from college and I graduated from college.

It’s so good to see my children.  They bless me in so many ways and I really can’t get enough time with them.  Every time they are with me I wish we had more time, had talked about more things.  I worry that I don’t always say the things I need to say, to go as deep as I need to go, to teach them what I need to teach them.  On the other hand, there is only so far a dad can go without an open invitation.  I hope my life, the highs and the lows, are teaching them about patience, steadfastness and the ability to get back up when you’ve been knocked down – whether by your own mistakes or the actions of someone else.

I am a Master!  I graduated with a Master of Arts in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation.  I have not created world peace yet but it’s on my list of things to do.

Now I’m back to consulting work, job hunting and thinking about how to position a new blog, a potential book and a new life journey.  It’s good to have something to do.  Along with that, I keep trying to understand God and His work in my life.  I’m trying to better understand patience, hope, hearing God and when I am supposed to act and when I am supposed to be still.  If I can figure all that out, I’m going to be in a really good place.  I continue in prayer that He will make His paths clear with neon lights, that I will not be able to escape the sound of His voice in whatever form I need to hear it and that He will put me on the right path, soon, so that I can be active and fulfilled in the work He has planned for me.

Grace and peace.

What Is God Up To?

08 Wednesday May 2013

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I want to be a peacemaker.  On Saturday I will graduate with a Master of Arts in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation.  It is something I have worked hard at doing well and worked hard to receive and maybe the greatest thing I have done related to the passion of my heart.  And my life is full of turmoil.

I have walked hard roads.  Self-imposed at times.  As a victim of circumstances at times.  Recently I have suffered through a divorce that has been devastation at best, debilitating at worst.  Currently I am technically unemployed and watching my bank account drop (I have had some consulting works that keeps me floating).  Turmoil.

I was talking with a friend today who was sharing the Acts 16 story of Paul and Silas sharing the gospel and winding up in jail, flogged but still singing and praising God.  That’s when a thought struck me.  Does God want me to understand turmoil so I can better understand God’s peace?  To be a peacemaker, does God want me to understand the absence of peace or, at least, the attacks against peace?

Maybe so.  Maybe He has something planned for me that will rock my socks, that will allow me to live a life of passion and significance using what I am learning today in what seems like a walk through the wilderness.

I don’t know the plan.  I don’t know the time.  I am trusting God does and it will all fall together and the exact right time.  Then I will say, “I love it when a plan comes together.”

Grace and peace.

Monday Starts It All Over Again

06 Monday May 2013

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Monday starts the workweek for most people.  Some have schedules that work on different days.  Some don’t currently have jobs.  I digress.  For most people, Monday starts the week and is often viewed as a “bad” day.  Why not a good day though?  Why not a day for a fresh start?  Why not a day to begin again?  To improve?  Monday is just like any other day.  It will be as good as I want it to be, the choice is mine.

I’m going to share another blog post I ran across.  It’s a good thought on how to start the week, how to start everyday really and how to do it with courage.  It’s not always easy to overcome the obstacles I see and imagine.  In fact, it’s a challenge.  I seem like I have to flip a 750 pound tire…

http://everydaypowerblog.com/2013/05/05/3-things-i-learned-from-flipping-over-a-750lb-tire/

Grace and peace.

And then there’s the new day…

30 Tuesday Apr 2013

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Darkness before the dawn?  Rain before the sunshine?  Storm before the calm?

I’m in a place in life I don’t understand and I don’t particularly care for.  At least in my way of thinking.  Today, I keep wondering what God is thinking.  His ways are not my ways.  His thoughts are not my thoughts.  I was reading Jesus Calling (thank you Sarah Young!) this morning and this sentence is hanging with me, “The secret of being thankful is learning to see everything from My perspective.”  Seeing things thorough God’s perspective is a gift I haven’t mastered yet.  I can look back and see it but seeing it in the here and now is difficult.  I told a friend the other day I wish God would hand me the script so I would know the ending and then I would patiently wait.  Of course, that’s probably not true either.

As I sit here today, trying to understand God’s perspective, I try to remember that He didn’t give me a journey of living in the Middle East, He didn’t give me the journey of a crippling disease, He didn’t give me the journey of being imprisoned, He didn’t give me a lot of journeys that seem so hard.  On the other hand, He is giving me a journey of waiting and wondering.  How long?  Will I be able to meet the obligations, financial and otherwise, I told people I would meet?  Today, waiting and wondering is my journey.  And I will be thankful this day.  That doesn’t mean I won’t miss some of the good things He has put in my life or that I won’t feel loneliness or sadness.  It just means in those times today, I will try to stop and see it from God’s perspective and try to understand what He wants me to see and feel and know today.

I share my scariest thoughts here but it is good for me to release them.  Today, I want to release those scary thoughts into God’s hands and see what He wants to do with them and with me.

Grace and peace.

It’s a Struggle

29 Monday Apr 2013

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This weekend has been a hard few days.  Physically.  Emotionally.  I feel alone.  I read Psalms 13 a few times this weeknd and it resonated.  Then I read it in the Message version and it jumped off the pages at me.

Long enough, God.  You’ve ignored me long enough.  I’ve looked at the back of your head long enough.  Long enough I’ve carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain.  Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me.  Take a good look at me, God, my God, I want to look life in the eye, So no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face.  I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms – I’m celebrating your rescue.  I’m singing at the top of my lungs, I’m so full of answered prayers.

I don’t know David’s full intent when writing this but I can see my life in it.  I am ready to look life in the eye, to see God’s purpose for my coming days, to stop the people who speak negatively about me.  I hear their words and they sting.  Not so much that the words hurt but who they are being said to and what damage that is causing.  I want to celebrate.  I want to show people what happens when you put your full faith in God, how He rescues, how He saves.

But today, I simply join David in crying out “Long enough, Lord, long enough.”

Grace and peace.

The Day The Wheels Come Off

19 Friday Apr 2013

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Many of us know the feeling of the day the wheels came off.  When things seemed to be going good, or at least OK, and then control was lost and the crash came.  I remember the day the wheels came off and my life hasn’t been the same since.  In fact, it seems the vehicle I’m riding in is still careening and slamming into hard objects as I slide out of control.

Times are tough.  I’m trusting God but the answers are coming slowly and I wonder just how bad it’s going to get.  I’ve read the story of Job and wonder if I’m not on the same track.  I’m not anywhere as righteous as Job either.

I am blessed with good friends and would not trade for that.  They lift me up and offer words of encouragement.  I am not blessed with a large bank account and that is what scares me.  When you go through the “emergency account” things change.  I know.

Oh Lord, I pray your my current status is not your answer.  I pray there is something around the corner that will reverse this place I’m in and that you will provide for me so that I may provide for those I love the most.  Hear my plea, Lord.

Grace and peace.

Paul and Me

18 Monday Mar 2013

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I’m sure it would have been cool to hang out with the Beatles.  Or the Rolling Stones.  Motley Crue.  Willie.  Mumford and Sons.  You get the idea.  How often I thought it would be fun to hang out with the rich and famous and live their lifestyle for awhile.

Maybe I’m on the verge of crazy but…

I wish I could hang out with Paul.  Paul who was Saul.  Paul who was jailed and beaten.  Paul who had unusual strength.  Paul who may have been more famous in his time than any of those listed above.

I’ve recently reconnected with a friend who encourages me in my blogging.  When we used to see each other more, my life was very different.  It looked good on the outside and I hid the blemishes well.  (Blemishes is a pretty way of saying catastrophic failings.)  Now, the “blemishes” are better known and have been exposed.  I want to reconnect with him, share things I have learned and how it is shaping me and soak up what I can from what he has learned from his journey.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Paul and me.  I can’t really fathom what Paul went through but when I read his writings, I feel connected and I think it is one piece of scripture that I read that gives me the feeling we are linked.  Maybe I see myself worse than I am.  Maybe I see myself just as I am.  Whatever, if he asks where I see myself now, I would reference Paul’s first letter to Timothy, the first chapter and verses 12-17.

Paul says he is the worst of sinners.  Maybe, but I sure think I can give him a run for his money.  Sure, he may have stoned some people and had others put to death physically.  I think I have done that to people emotionally, or God forbid, spiritually.  I connect with Paul when he says he is the worst but that isn’t why I love this passage of his writing.  It’s the rest of the story because it gives me great hope.  So often I am mired in my past.  Jesus is fixated on today…and what He is calling me to in the days to come.  Paul knew that.  I want to know it too.  I want to live in it, revel in it, reap joy in abundance in the knowledge of God’s grace and mercy and love.

It’s a journey; a journey I hope to travel with my buddy Paul, walking in the footsteps of my Savior.

Grace and peace.

Here’s part of Paul’s letter from The Message (emphasis mine).

15-19 Here’s a word you can take to heart and depend on: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I’m proof—Public Sinner Number One—of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off—evidence of his endless patience—to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever.

Deep honor and bright glory
to the King of All Time—
One God, Immortal, Invisible,
ever and always. Oh, yes!

Full Circle

15 Friday Mar 2013

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Depending on how things go today I may come back and explain the title a little more.  In the meantime it’s a reminder for me how crazy life can be at times.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
© Abbey of Gethsemani

I appreciate so much of what Merton has to say in his writings.  His ability to communicate continually reminds me of a desire to move to a monastery and live the life of a monk.  The peace of consistency.  The joy of silence.  The time to think and write.  I just wonder if the beds are comfortable and the food is good.  I digress.

I don’t know what this day will bring but it could be a game-changer.

God, you’ve got this, right?  I’m trusting you this day.

Grace and peace.

Sometimes

01 Friday Mar 2013

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Sometimes things hit me right when I need it.

Sometimes I get to spend time in the presence of my children.  It’s awesome.

Sometimes I read something that hits me between the eyes and goes straight to my heart.  I have mentioned I’m reading Jesus Calling and as I looked at my desk calendar edition, here was yesterday’s message…

Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority, sometimes a mixture of both.  I lead each of my children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her.  Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only source of real affirmation is my unconditional love.  Many believers perceive me as an unpleasable judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in my garments of salvation.  This is how I see you: radiant in my robe of righteousness.  When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust, it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with me throughout all eternity.  Immerse yourself in my loving presence.  Be receptive to my affirmation, which flows continuously from the throne of grace.

Sometimes I believe it.  Sometimes I don’t.  Here’s to pray and hope that I will believe it more and more.

And that my sometimes will become all-the-times.

Grace and peace.

Random Chatter

26 Tuesday Feb 2013

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It’s a random day.  A day at Starbucks to write a paper but the paper isn’t getting written.  A phone call that went long.  A conversation with a new friend.  Two young, giggly girls behind me that I tried to tune out but only seemed to get louder.  A email request that took some time and thought to respond to.  One of those days. 

Thought 1: I have been doing the Advocare Can You 24? Workout semi-regularly for 3 weeks.  I like it.  I call it P90X lite for people who haven’t heard of it.  It’s a great workout program for someone like me who needs to start slow and build steam.  I’m progressing from the beginner level to the intermediate and feeling new soreness in old muscles.  I love it.  I didn’t want to do it today but so glad I did. 

Thought 2: I was invited to come speak at a seminar on Peace at ACU next week.  I’m a fill-in for someone on the board of the organization that is putting on the event.  I’m stoked and appreciative that they would ask me to participate in something so important to the Conflict Resolution department and to ACU.  I’m at work mentally on my presentation.  I have to work talks out in my head before I can start putting them on paper to fine tune.  I wonder if there’s a better way.

Thought 3: I was supposed to go eat dinner with a friend tonight at my favorite restaurant.  The dinner got put on hold so I’m trying to decide if I’m going to go eat there on my own since it’s on my brain.  I’m way too hungry way too early in the day. 

Thought 4: I just read a blog on where our identity comes from.  I can’t help but wonder if I’m not in my present situation because my identity is still in earthly things.  One of the hardest things I deal with right now is not having a job, a title, that tells me and others who I am.  I tell others they are children of God, made in His image.  Once again, it’s easier for me to sell it than buy it. 

Thought 5: I’ve had 3 conversations in the past week with 3 different friends that were illuminating.  Surprising, odd, challenging.  In that order.  It makes me wonder what the next 3 conversations with the next 3 people will be like.

Thought 6: I always wonder about the people who walk into Starbucks.  What’s their story?  Why are they here?  Are the things I assume about them true or false?  Do they all wonder the same things about me?

Thought 7: I’m praying about a particular job.  It would throw me in the middle of a hard ministry.  The position may not get approved.  I may not be the right person for the job.  it may not pay enough.  It may require me to move earlier than I would like.  Lots of things could interfere or create a barrier.  Yet, I continue to pray because I believe it is a job that my heart would be fully invested in.  As well as my identity as a child of the King.  That excites me.

Thought 8: How many random thoughts can a person have in one blog post?

Grace and peace.