Tag Archives: Gratefulness

On the Other Hand…

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Yes, two posts in one day.  It’s because I wrote When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough a few days ago when I was the lowest of my lows.  I was angry, mad, disgusted, frustrated with many other emotions flowing.  Last night and this morning weren’t significantly better.  I had more harsh words with God.

Then I had lunch.  It was at Fuzzy’s.  I know things are better when I get to have lunch at Fuzzy’s.  It was with a guy I didn’t know but knew of through some friends.  It’s a guy with contacts but it was more than that.  It was a guy who asked some good questions, who said some things to help me reorient my thought processes and encouraged me to stay focused on a passion and to believe God is working in the plans.  It was a good lunch.

It doesn’t make the pain and the fear I face go away.  It helps me see it differently though.

It reminded me there are the things the world tells me and there are the things I believe God is speaking into me.  There is security in money and possessions says the world, there is security in having nothing – no assets, no debts, nothing of this world, no bondage says God.  (No, I’m not saying God wants us to live as paupers, only that He wants us to trust in Him.)

I’m ready to sell all I have if I need to.  I’m ready to run through my retirement account if I need to.  I’m ready to pursue what I believe is a dream that God is drawing in my mind and if I’m living in that, finances and relationships and other things will work out as best they can.  Sure, the people that torment me may still torment me.  Sure, the bills will still come due.  Sure, there will be bad days.  There will also be a lot of good days, a lot of positive things happening and maybe some of those rough spots will smooth out.

Sometimes I need to work through my hard times in hard ways.  I need to process, to think, to withdraw to a place that is safe for me.  I ask my closest friends to pray for me in these times and hope they understand it helps me to think it out, sort it out, even speak/write it out.  I’m an introvert and that’s what introverts do.  Once I work through it, I can move on.

I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to be grateful.  I’m ready to be hopeful.  I’m ready to trust.  I’m ready to find the path that is the right path for me.  I expect ups and downs as I get there and I also expect to find good things at the end of the road.

Sometimes the days are dark.  Very dark.  On the other hand, some days are beautiful and filled with joy.  I’m looking towards the “on the other hand” days.

Grace and peace.

When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by in Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

I’ve tried to be on a gratefulness track.  What I mean is that I am trying to live intentionally grateful for the good things in my life instead of so easily seeing the negative.

It doesn’t always work.

The preacher at our church is currently teaching on lament.  Google defines lament as “a passionate expression of grief.”  This afternoon has been full on lament for me.  I’m dealing with someone who has the ability to rip my heart out time after time.  (I can explore the ideal of me letting that happen another time.)  Today was no different and lament was in full swing.  Tears flowing.  Shouting at God.  No, SHOUTING at God.  Why?  Why?  What’s the purpose?  What I have done to have to endure this?  What haven’t I done that is causing me to have to endure this?  Where are you?  Why don’t you stop it?  Why don’t you act in ways that stop people from doing what they want without regard for anyone else?

Yes, I asked what the problem was and if there was another alternative.  The response was simply “I don’t want to do anything for you.”  Now, if it was feeding my dog or checking my mail, no big deal.  When it comes to what I love the most on this earth, and that is known by the other party, well, what the #$%^ God?

Yeah, my passionate expressions of grief can get pretty brutal.  I’m trusting God to understand how bad I hurt right now, to keep me safe and to confine my sharp tongue to my blog and no one else.  I’m trusting God to give me space to get through this and to return to gratefulness for the time I do have with my kids instead of being focused on the time that has been robbed from me.

I can’t stop what other people say to them.  I can’t stop their pain from the biting words they hear.  And that hurts all the more.  A dad wants to protect and defend.  It just doesn’t work that way all the time though.

At some point, I will talk to God and ask for His help in returning to a state of gratefulness.  I’ll thank Him for all the blessings I have.  For now, I still have some passionate expressions of grief to discuss.

Grace and peace.

And maybe a wallop with the 2X4 on those who try to steal it.

More Gratefulness Project

01 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

Sometimes I’m scared.  I worry about what the future holds, if I’ll be able to support my kids the way that I want to, if I’ll be able to stay in my house and lots of other fears.

Sometimes I withdraw.  I have wounds that run deep and the pain comes around and I want to drop out of sight and wallow in my self-pity.  Or, I remember the things I’ve done to hurt others and think it’s better for me to not get close to anyone else lest I hurt them or let them down.

There are more of these types of traits I could explain but I get the idea already.  The point is, these are choices.  I choose to acknowledge my hurt and feel pain.  There’s nothing wrong with that because those feelings are real.  HOWEVER, I also choose to acknowledge those feelings and I choose how I will respond.  I can respond with fear, withdrawal or avoidance OR I can respond with understanding and gratefulness for what God has in store for me.

This is why I term gratefulness as a project.  It’s a work in progress, something that I sometimes fail at handling in the best way and sometimes I take the better route.  My prayer is that I will continue to take the better path more and more often and I do that by the choices I make.

Here’s a video that’s worth the 10 minutes or whatever it will take.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPW3EB5U0bo

Grace and peace.

The Gratefulness Project

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

I’ve been on the theme of gratefulness lately because I believe it is important, something that I struggle with and a trait I want to exhibit more of for the rest of my days.  I think of gratefulness as a project in my life because a project is something that usually takes some time, has progress and setbacks and gives a sense of accomplishment when milestones are reached.  For me, living in gratefulness is a project.  As much as I want to be grateful overnight and never change, I wake up worrying about a multitude of things and the leading worry usually has something to do with finances.  All that worry and God continues to give me manna for the day.

I have been blessed.  God has given me time to deal with some intense pain that I haven’t dealt with in a long time.  God has given me time to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually.  He has provided work and income.  He has surrounded me with special friends who have spoke powerful words deep inside of me.

So much to be grateful for and I wake up worrying.  Silly, right?  It’s why I call it a project.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with thanksgiving for what I have.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the thought that God is at work to secure what I need for the days ahead.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the knowledge that my future in Him and with Him is secure.

My gratefulness project starts anew today.  Thank you Lord for providing for me and putting up with me.

Grace and peace.

Moving Past “Sorta’ Grateful”

18 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by in Christian Living, Faith, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

I believe it is important, no, imperative to be grateful for what God has given me.  But it ain’t easy being grateful.  Bills are coming due.  Some are already late.  I’m cutting back.  And then cutting back some more.  But, I still want to enjoy time with my kids going out to eat, going to movies, doing fun stuff.  Spending the money scares me because bills are coming due.  I have a mortgage that won’t get paid by reselling aluminum cans.  A kid in college.  Two kids driving cars, needing gas and insurance.

Today I read Psalm 118.  Give thanks to the Lord.  His love endures forever.  I read Philippians 4 too.  Don’t be anxious but ask the Lord for anything.

Oh God, I don’t need riches.  I only need follow you.  I only need to seek your desires for me.  But, I do have these things I like, these things I’m comfortable with, these things I feel like I need to provide my children, these things I want to do too.  I lay it at your feet Lord.  I have walked into so many fires Lord and you have led me out of them.  Sure, there are wounds that still hurt and there are scars but I chose to walk into the fire and you still pulled me out of it.  Lord, remind me that you have provided more than I can understand and that you will continue to provide.  I know it may not be the way I see it or imagine it Lord so I pray with boldness that you do more than I can possibly imagine.  Lord, forgive me when my gratefulness wavers.  It’s a fault and one I want to work on.  I want a heart of thanksgiving and joy for simply being your child and whatever comes with that this day.  I don’t want to be sorta’ grateful, God.  I want to be abounding in gratefulness and thanksgiving.  Thank you for your patience as I work to get there.  Heal my wounds.  Cover my scars.  Open my eyes to avoid the next fire.  Open my heart to all that you can pour into it.  Cover me in peace.  Amen.

Grace and peace to you.