I got addicted to The Voice this year and enjoyed every minute of it.  One of my favorite singers was a young man named Terry who sang several rock classics.  One of those classics was “I Want To Know What Love Is” by Foreigner.  It was a song I really liked way back and when and Terry did a great job of performing it again.  And it resonated more with me than ever before.

I want to know what love is.

I know I have had people who have loved me in my lifetime but so often the love was conditional.  It was based on something other than unconditional love for who I am and that shaped how I see love today.  It shaped how I accept love.  And give love.

I want to know what love is.

The forming, the molding of how I view what love is started early and was based on conditions of my actions, my words, my productivity.  Today, I struggle to believe God can love me and if I struggle with that, how in the world can I believe a human being could ever love me.  That they can or have is secondary to whether I believe they can.  In the song, there is line that says, “In my life I’ve seen heartache and pain, I don’t know if I can face it again.”  In the next lines he expresses that he has moved forward and can’t stop now.  I, on the other hand, still can.

I want to know what love is.

I believe I have had one person, maybe two, who wanted to give me unconditional love but in my life, I’ve seen heartache and pain and I don’t know if I can face it again.  I believe God wants to give unconditional love to every person I come in contact with.  Every person other than me.  I realize I have allowed the concept of love to be shaped by people and not by God.  I just don’t know how to undo it.  So, when someone did want to try and love me unconditionally, I stopped them because I knew I would stumble, my performance would falter, I would make a mistake and I don’t want to feel the heartache and pain.  So I move on.

I want to know what love is.

I know the loneliness of not letting anyone love me.  I know the loneliness of not letting myself love another.  I live it…and I don’t know how to undo it.

I want to know what love is.

One thing I have is hope.  Hope that I’ll open my heart to love.  Hope that I’ll let go of the heartache and pain I’ve known and that I’ve inflicted.  Hope that I will walk with God knowing His love.  Hope that I’ll walk with other people knowing they can and will love me.  Today it’s only hope.  I’ll see what tomorrow brings.

I want to know what love is.

Grace and peace.