Tag Archives: journey

A Tale of Two Birthdays

30 Tuesday Dec 2014

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Today is my birthday.  I know this because I just got an AARP card that reminded me.  How thoughtful of them!

I woke up this morning in my own bed.  In my house (well, the one the bank and I are buying).  I woke up next to my wife.  I am in a place where I am close to people I love and who love me.  I am so thankful for the blessings this morning brought me.

Last year I woke up in a small bed set up in a barn.  The floor was dirty and the shower was small.  I went to work in an environment that wasn’t exactly friendly at that point and I was separated from everyone I knew.

I have been on a journey for several years now that has led me through some dark and painful places, through some periods of great hope, through lessons about myself and lessons about others.  The contrast of my birthday last year and this year simply highlights what the journey has been like for me.

I have learned that I am strong emotionally.  I have been on my knees in tears and screaming out to God but always got up and moved forward taking on whatever came my way the best I could.

I have learned what friendship means.  One of my dearest brothers drove 3 hours just to have dinner with me.  Other close friends called me regularly to check on me.  Others texted and sent emails.  I knew people cared and that carried me far.

I have learned what loneliness feels like.  I thought I liked to be alone.  I have learned I need some space at times to think, process and regroup but I do not want to be alone.  It’s one thing to live alone knowing with a phone call it is likely I can meet someone to eat or grab coffee and another thing to live alone and not know anyone within a 3 hour drive.  I have much more sympathy for people who are lonely and hope I will continue to learn how to minister to them.

I have learned that thankfulness is a choice.  I learned how to be thankful when I was in an emotionally and spiritually challenging place and I have learned to really appreciate what I have during the normal course of life.  Choosing thankfulness allows me to see the world and the people in it very differently and it changes my mindset minute by minute to focus on positive thoughts.

I have learned that 50 isn’t near as old as it seemed just a few years ago.  Life flies by in an instant.  I wish there was a way to share that with people but it seems so many, like me, only learn it when so many years have gone by.  I hope I cherish my next 50 years much more than I have the past 50.

On this birthday, my 50th, I am full of thankfulness.  Full of hope.  Full of joy.  Full of amazement.  I thank the good Lord for all he has done and is doing in my life.

Grace and peace.

 

Walking

05 Tuesday Aug 2014

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“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil because you are with me.” – Psalms 23

I have gone through periods of lots of walking.  When I first accepted that a divorce was imminent in my life, I got on a treadmill every night and walked for an hour several nights a week.  When I realized a job I had accepted was going nowhere and I was cut off from everything and everyone I loved for days at a time, I got on a treadmill and walked for close to an hour during the week.

Looking back, I started walking just to have something to do and an outlet for my hurt and rage.  It has also come to symbolize the emotional and spiritual journey of the hard days of my life.  I feel, at times, like I am walking through a desert.  Dry and thirsty.  Just me and the coarse sand scraping against me, step by step, irritating my skin.  Irritating my mind and my soul.

The good thing about walking is that it leads somewhere.  It has led me in circles and it has led me to paths leaving the desert.  It has led me to people who challenge me and it has led me to people who love me and want the best for me.  It has led me through the valley of the shadow of death, as I know it at this stage of my life, and I believe it is leading me to bright, shining moments.

My friends who know me well know there are times I felt I was on the edge of a cliff and starting to fall off.  I am sure I was blowing the situation out of proportion at times but when the pain is constant and you just want it to stop, sometimes proportion is in the eyes of the one in pain.  Regardless, there were times I was ready to jump but one thing held me back.

Faith.

I do not have a perfect faith but I do have faith.  There have been many times I thought my faith would run out and woke up the next morning to find it still there but thin.  Other times it has been full and running over.  Part of faith for me is walking in it.  I may not know where I am going but I keep going, in faith, trusting that God’s ways are better than my ways and leaning on Him instead of leaning on my own understanding.

There have been times my life has been like walking on a treadmill.  I walk for an hour but still find myself in the same place I started.  Then there are the other times, the times that bring so much hope and excitement.  All the walking through the desert, through the coarse and painful sand and it seems I am walking into a valley full of hope and joy and excitement for what is now and what is coming.  I feel like I have walked in faith and now I get to look back on the lessons of the journey while enjoying the fruit of reaching a place of peace and rest.

Grace and peace.

Encouragement for the Day

05 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by in Faith, Life

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Sometimes a little encouragement is good enough for the moment.  I’ve had a few good friends encourage me with just a nugget that gets me through the next few steps.  I got this text message from a friend who I was sharing my journey with.  Good stuff.

Heres some encouragement… wanna be a friend of Jesus?

My basic prayer for the last the 20 years has been that God would grant me the honor of becoming a best friend of His Son. I had forgotten that Jesus had sent his original best friend, the Apostle John, to live in a cave on the Island of Patmos.

He exiled John to a lonely cave in his old age. And then Jesus came to John in the cave and gave him the revelation that has given all his little ones faith and courage to fight the good fight for the last two thousand years. One day Jesus will come back and make all the wrong things right, and for a few years of temporal faithfulness Jesus will give us an eternal reward so great that it can’t be described or imagined with our present earthbound language. That’s what John saw in the cave.

And now I think that Jesus sends all his best friends into a cave for some period of their lives. Maybe more than once.

And the cave is where they learn that the pain of this life, no matter how severe or complicated or unfair, is ultimately an invitation to the party we’ve all been looking for down here, but have never found. So today, I’m trying to fight the good and great fight by looking forward to the party that will never end.

Grace and peace.

Off the Reservation

29 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by in Christian Living, Faith

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OK, since I’m not really telling any of my friends about this blog, it’s a good time for me to get this out in the open.  I’m intrigued with Buddhism.  Intrigued may not be the right word but I haven’t given time to a study of Buddhist teaching yet but intend to.

NO, I’m not becoming a Buddhist in the sense that I’m leaving Christianity.  In fact, what little I know so far about Buddhist teaching only enhances my Christ-following walk.  Buddhist aren’t afraid to talk about suffering and pain and how to move through and past suffering and pain.  That’s what I really, really like about them.  They teach living in the present moment and accepting all that comes with it, both good and bad.  Sound like any of Christ’s teachings?  I appreciate the idea of Karma because I’ve read that you reap what you sow.  I appreciate the teachings about the present moment because I’ve read not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of it’s own.  I appreciate the teachings about enduring suffering and moving past it because Christ died for my eternal soul, not just what I am doing today.  I appreciate the teaching and practice of meditation because God said, “Be still and know that I am God.”  Buddhists are good at living out what they teach whereas I’ve grown up in a Christian environment where I have been taught to work harder and study less.

In the upcoming weeks, I’ll be using some guest posts to share what’s going on in my mind.  Remember, these are for me so if you don’t like it I hope you’ll at least take some time to think about what is being said.

Yes, I’m venturing off the reservation on which I’ve grown up but like so many I have found there is a world outside the bubble that teaches things of great benefit to me to help me on my journey to grow closer to God and closer to peace within myself.

Grace and peace.