Tag Archives: joy

Monday

27 Monday Jul 2015

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Living thankfully causes Monday to be a great day…full of anticipation, full of opportunity, full of new experiences and new growth.  Living thankfully transforms my vision.  Living thankfully gives me hope and peace.

I used to join with others in acknowledging the Monday blahs until life knocked me down so many times it was hard to get up with my old way of thinking.  I reached the point where getting back up was just a reflex because the alternative was a little too tough to deal with at the time.  Then, I started changing my thinking strategy.  I made the effort to be thankful in all circumstances and it has changed my outlook.

So I never get down or frustrated anymore?  No.  Of course not.  Life can be too challenging to always stay up, always positive, always thankful.  I take some potshots now and then that lead me back to my old ways.  I am not perfect.  I am not fixed.  I am still the broken, beaten guy I have always been only I choose, I said I CHOOSE, to make the effort to be thankful.  For some people it is more natural.  For me, it is a choice and one that I have found to be exceptionally rewarding.

This morning, my VSW said she hoped to see how God used her today.  I told her he just did…he used her to remind me to be thankful and be looking for how I would be used today.  What a blessing that woman is in my life.  A gift.  He used her early and I know he will use her again today, over and over.  I do hope she sees it all.

In the meantime, I will take a day and a situation that could overwhelm me and choose to be thankful for so much that I do have.  I will look for opportunity.  I will look for the door to open.  I will hope for what is to come and for what might me in the next moment.

Grace and peace.

A Simpler Way

15 Wednesday Jul 2015

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I’m sharing a blog today from some people who write about happiness.  One of their posts is about living simpler.  As I realize how connected I am to my phone and computer I realize I want to live simpler.  As I realize how connected I am to my TV I realize I want to live simpler.  As I realize how often I want to go do something or go somewhere that will eat up my time I realize I want to live simpler.  Simple is poverty, it isn’t minimalist, it isn’t cutting.  It is choice.  It is the idea of doing what maximizes my time and my joy.  I don’t agree with everything they say but it sure got me to thinking about how to take more control of my happiness and my joy.

Living Simpler

Grace and peace.

The Arm on My Chest

16 Monday Mar 2015

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Anyone who has talked to me, read my posts or heard me pontificate from the soapbox knows I think life is hard.  Ailments, financial strains, aging parents, kids and spiritual warfare dinging our psyche and soul…all tough stuff.  So we are left with our minds to choose what we see in life and where we place our focus.  The tough stuff is.  It just is.  It won’t go away so we decide whether to live in the struggle we can see or the hope we have that reminds each moment is new and filled with possibility to love, laugh and live free.

That brings me to the arm on my chest.  I’m struggling to sleep lately.  I’ve been dealing with illness, with job stress, with kids in town and the balancing act of doing everything that needs to be done.  It would be easy for me to get caught up in all of that, and honestly, I have over the past few days.  Then there’s the sleep issue.  I woke up at 2:30 this morning and never went back to sleep.  Lots of thoughts on my mind and some stomach rumbling and no sleep.  I could look at it is a miserable night but for much of it, there was an arm on my chest.

While I was wanting to go to sleep, I was also feeling thankful that I had an arm draped over me and that arm belonged to a wonderful woman who has brought so much joy and hope and peace into my life.  That arm belonged to a beautiful woman who was sleeping pretty soundly and I was thankful because I knew that meant she was at peace at that moment.  That arm laying across me was a reminder that I am loved.

I laid in bed for the better part of 4 hours with an arm on my chest for a great part of that time and the arm was a reminder that I can choose to see the beauty of life in the midst of the storms.  The arm laying over me gave me a sense of contentment and thankfulness that I appreciate.  I rejoice in the arm on my chest.

Grace and peace.

 

It’s All Over

31 Wednesday Dec 2014

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2014 that is.  Today is the last day of the year.  It’s a day where some are reflecting, some are looking forward and some are just wondering how they will get home tonight.  For me, it’s a little of the first two but I’ll be home tonight so that last question isn’t an issue.

There were lots of changes in 2014 for me.  Some weren’t so great.  Some were AWESOME!  Yes, worthy of capital letters.

As I reflect on 2014, I can easily think about some long days and nights of darkness and remember the pain.  Not just remember, I can still feel it in my gut.  I remember feeling hopeless at times.  I remember being angry with God.  I remember thinking I did not want to go on.  I remember nights with little sleep and a lot of tears.

As I reflect on 2014, I realize how far I moved emotionally.  From pain to joy.  From despair to thanksgiving.  Friends helped me through the dark days and my faith carried me too.  Faith that God had something in store for me.  Faith that life would get better.  Psalms 27:13-14 stuff.  I got a job that brought me hope.  I came home and proposed to an incredible woman.  I got married and went to Colorado and she went flyfishing with me.  How crazy is that?

2014 was a year that taught me two things.  One, life is hard.  Every single day has obstacles and some of them will crush you if allowed to.  Two, thankfulness is a choice requiring action.  There are good things happening in life, some small and some big.  The big ones are easy to figure out so it’s the small ones I have to seek out daily and choose to focus on what is good.

I don’t like the road I had to travel in 2014 but I am thankful for the lessons and thankful for where the road led me.  That is enough.  I remember the darkness and I will let that memory live so I might be able to be a light of hope for others going through darkness.  At the same time, I am thankful for what the light has brought into my life and I  have immense hope for what the future holds.

Grace and peace.

Thankfulness

07 Friday Nov 2014

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“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” ~Henri Nouwen

I want to overflow with thankfulness.  OVERFLOW!

Yesterday, I was thinking while praying (yes, sometimes I can chew bubblegum and walk at the same time) all that I had to be thankful for.  For instance, my job situation right now isn’t the best, lots of problems and I know the position could go away depending on some different factors, and yet I am thankful for this job in the midst of those issues.  I’m thankful because it brought me home.  I’m thankful because it allowed me to marry my VSW and start a life that is more fulfilling than anything I have known or can remember.  I’m thankful that God has given me this time and this space to live and love and realize all that I have.

Yes, there is stress with my job.  Yes, there is financial stress with what the last few years have brought me.  Yes, there may be lots of stress in lots of areas…yet I want to live thankfully and trust all the rest will work out if I am true to being thankful and doing the best I can do to be the best husband, father, friend, employee and child of God I can be.  And I want to overflow with thankfulness.

Joy comes from thankfulness.  I want to be a catalyst for more joy in the world.

Grace and peace.

Bug Guts Revisited…Again

22 Monday Sep 2014

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Bug Guts

The above is a link to a post I wrote several years ago while going through a storm in life.  Since then I have been through some others.  I have gone through more than my share and I know there are people around me who are going through their own.

I encourage anyone reading this to be aware of the storms those around them are facing.  Give them a hug and let them know they are loved.

I encourage anyone reading this who is going through their own storm to know that brighter days are ahead.  I can’t tell you when and I sure won’t tell you it will be an easy journey, but it will get better.

I encourage anyone who has been through the storms and is now walking in the sunshine to share the love of God and encourage others with hope.

I have been through the storms and today God is leading me on a journey that is bringing great joy.  I will go forward not forgetting the storm while enjoying the peace this part of the trip includes.

Grace and peace.

Can You Believe It?

11 Thursday Sep 2014

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Those who know me and those who have found and read my blog know the journey I have been on.  I break it down in 8 month/2 year/10-15 year segments representing some events in my life that were hard for me.  They caused pain.  Lots of VERY intense pain.

THEN THERE IS THIS!!!!!!

My VSW and I got a marriage license yesterday!  Can you believe it?  It almost seems like a dream but she was there and I could feel her next to me.  A few years ago I couldn’t imagine this day.  I wasn’t planning to ever get married again.  I was not going to put my heart on the line.

I believe God had another plan for me.  He had someone for me that would be the hands and feet of Christ in my life.  He, the one Paul says can do immeasurably more than I can imagine, did just that.

She is bringing new insights into my life.  About God.  About me.  About marriage.  About life.

I thank God for this VSW.  I never imagined there was someone out there I would want to spend the rest of my life with or that I could love and trust completely.  I know we will face struggles and I won’t be surprised if we face seasons that are tough for us individually or as a couple.  That said, I have never felt more equipped with a partner who I believe with all my heart will walk through those times with me.  And, here’s the really, really cool part.  She is there to walk with me through the great times, the fun times, the growing times, the times of joy.

I got a marriage license yesterday!  Can you believe it?

I wish you could see the smile on my heart right now.  It’s HUGE!

Grace and peace.

Walking

05 Tuesday Aug 2014

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“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil because you are with me.” – Psalms 23

I have gone through periods of lots of walking.  When I first accepted that a divorce was imminent in my life, I got on a treadmill every night and walked for an hour several nights a week.  When I realized a job I had accepted was going nowhere and I was cut off from everything and everyone I loved for days at a time, I got on a treadmill and walked for close to an hour during the week.

Looking back, I started walking just to have something to do and an outlet for my hurt and rage.  It has also come to symbolize the emotional and spiritual journey of the hard days of my life.  I feel, at times, like I am walking through a desert.  Dry and thirsty.  Just me and the coarse sand scraping against me, step by step, irritating my skin.  Irritating my mind and my soul.

The good thing about walking is that it leads somewhere.  It has led me in circles and it has led me to paths leaving the desert.  It has led me to people who challenge me and it has led me to people who love me and want the best for me.  It has led me through the valley of the shadow of death, as I know it at this stage of my life, and I believe it is leading me to bright, shining moments.

My friends who know me well know there are times I felt I was on the edge of a cliff and starting to fall off.  I am sure I was blowing the situation out of proportion at times but when the pain is constant and you just want it to stop, sometimes proportion is in the eyes of the one in pain.  Regardless, there were times I was ready to jump but one thing held me back.

Faith.

I do not have a perfect faith but I do have faith.  There have been many times I thought my faith would run out and woke up the next morning to find it still there but thin.  Other times it has been full and running over.  Part of faith for me is walking in it.  I may not know where I am going but I keep going, in faith, trusting that God’s ways are better than my ways and leaning on Him instead of leaning on my own understanding.

There have been times my life has been like walking on a treadmill.  I walk for an hour but still find myself in the same place I started.  Then there are the other times, the times that bring so much hope and excitement.  All the walking through the desert, through the coarse and painful sand and it seems I am walking into a valley full of hope and joy and excitement for what is now and what is coming.  I feel like I have walked in faith and now I get to look back on the lessons of the journey while enjoying the fruit of reaching a place of peace and rest.

Grace and peace.

Numbers and Confirmation

28 Monday Jul 2014

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I have a degree in accounting and accounting bores me to tears.  I got the degree because it is the one my parents said they would help pay for and I’m good enough with numbers to know that was hard to pass up.  Even though I don’t prefer accounting work, the numbers are now a part of me and something I understand pretty well.  As I have gone through times of consulting with business owners, I always tell them the numbers are great for planning and reporting but it is the execution that matters most.  Numbers are important in confirming what has happened and answering questions we want to know about something.  Numbers are objective and to some degree take emotion and desire out of responses.  While numbers are as good as the information used to process them, they do tell a story.

This weekend, I got results from an assessment I took along with responses from my VSW.  I have had a feeling about this woman for quite sometime but my accounting training and reliance on objective numbers had led me to be very curious about how we matched up.  Oh my!  We met with someone to discuss the results with us yesterday.  I was confident going in and ecstatic coming out of that time.  I won’t share details but suffice it to say that today is a very good day in my heart and in my head.  There were other confirmations of the same thing that was in my heart over the weekend and it all built to a point of me knowing that my head and heart were in concert and beautiful music was being played.

I am the first to say that I do not know how God works.  I do not know when the acts or does not act even though there are times I think I know it.  I do not know how he chooses to act towards good things and bad things in peoples lives.  All of this is open for much debate and all I can honestly say is that I have so much to learn about God.  That said, today I believe this with all my being.  He has opened his hand in front of me and presented a gift in my life that is radiant and beautiful.  Today, I choose to believe he has acted with favor in my life and given me a gift in the form of a woman, a VSW (very special woman for any new readers), that will bless me and challenge me and love me and share hope with me for all the days ahead.

As I have said in the past, my blog is written by me and to me about things I am dealing with and experiencing today.  For those of you who are reading my notes to myself you know I write often about struggle and pain.  While struggle and pain are a part of life, I do not want to miss the goodness and glory of life and today I am celebrating the extreme joy I get to experience too.  Where I recently wrote about the feeling of being the boxer knocked down over and over, today I have the feeling of a child joyfully running through water, splashing and playing and having the time of my life.  The vision changes from a swimming pool to a beach and back and forth but the idea remains constant.  Simply joy.  It is filled with the laughter that comes from the joy of play, from the joy of happiness, from the joy of feeling like this feeling is all there ever was, is and will be.  Today is one of those days I do not want to forget.  I want it on a loop that plays over and over and I trust it will be there in my mind.

YHWH, while I do not begin to assume I know your ways, today I believe I am experiencing the goodness you have lavished on me.  I believe I see what the future can be, not in a specific kind of way but in an emotional and spiritual way.  Thank you is not enough but it they are the only words I have.  I will try to live the rest of my days respecting and honoring the gift you have laid in my path and in doing so, honor you.  Amen.

Grace and peace.

Let Her Love You

08 Thursday May 2014

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This post is very different from the first one that was scheduled for this time.  It’s also very different than the second one that was scheduled for this time.  Both were dark and dealt with hard, scary thoughts from the deepest recesses of fear and doubt and unworthiness.  I had gone to those places with a friend who was struggling at the same time I was struggling and we both dove deep into our hurts.  I thought that was how this week would go; dark and filled with fear.  Until I heard, “let her love you.”

I am a man blessed with some INCREDIBLE friends.  Our sins are laid bare in front of each other and our hearts are handled with love and care between each other.  I talked to one of them on the phone and we got around to struggles and some I was having with my own insecurities.  I have been given a gift in the form of a woman who loves me by every evidence I can see.  Where I see ugliness in myself, she speaks beauty back to me.  Where I see hurt in myself, she speaks healing.  Where I see turmoil within myself, she speaks calm.  Yet, I continue a self-talk pattern of unworthiness.  I have heard I am not good enough for so long that I have allowed myself to believe it.  She is trying hard to convince me otherwise.  I struggle with allowing myself to trust her goodness completely and I have tried to hang on to my heart in spite of her efforts to hold it, caress it, love it.

My friend said, “let her love you.”  Let her.  Quit fighting against it and let it happen.  He says I’m worthy of love.  So did another friend who called the day before and told me he needed me in his life for the hard times.  So did another friend who texts me 3-7 times a day reminding me that I am loved and all other voices are liars.  (I told you I had incredible friends!)  “Let her love you.”

For the last day and a half, I have tried to lay down my wounds and my scars and my fears and my self-doubt and just let her love me. That mantra is resonating in my mind as I begin to trust her with my heart and with my self-worth.  Thursday afternoon, we had a conversation on FaceTime.  It’s a great tool because you can see the person and read the body language.  Everything about that conversation told me she loved me, she trusted me and she was willing to hand her heart over to me.  Everything I saw in her eyes and in her body language told me she loves me.  Everything I heard in her words told me she was willing and ready to help me do whatever was needed to feel better about myself.  Everything I saw and heard said, “let me love you.”

To “let” her means to make a choice.  I choose whether she gets to love me or not.  I already told her my desire to let her love me and that I will begin to be intentional in allowing her into places that bring me fear; I CHOOSE to let her in.

“Let her love you.”  Thank you Dennis.  Your words were the words of God.  What they really meant were “Let me (God) love you through my instrument on earth.”

“Let me love you.”  Thank you Kelly for seeing me through God’s eyes and being willing to tell me over and over and over what you see.  You are a gift from above.

Grace and peace.