Tag Archives: joy

The Weight/Wait

31 Monday Mar 2014

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I’m supposed to be at Opening Day at Globe Life Park today cheering on the Texas Rangers, soaking in the sun and enjoying the pageantry of the first day of baseball season.  Instead, I’m 3 hours south in a boring little town on a dreary, cloudy day.  That just ain’t right!

Following God isn’t easy.  We are promised so much but sometimes the weight of our situation and the wait for God’s actions are hard.  I’ve got financial struggles that are heavy on me.  I’ve got emotional struggles that are heavy on me.  I want to throw off the load and let God help but so far nothing has changed.  I want to unload the weight off my shoulders (and mind) because it is wearing me down.  It’s too heavy to keep carrying.  I know God can handle it.  I know God can do unbelievable things.  Yet, I wait for him to remove the weight.  I wait.  And wait.

It seems like I’ve been waiting for months, even years.  And I keep waiting.  I read the stories of God doing great things for his people and sometimes they had to wait years and years and years.  I don’t know if I can make it 40 years waiting on God but those who did saw his faithfulness.  It isn’t easy.  The weight is heavy.  The wait is hard.

I am blessed with good people in my life.  They encourage me to wait on God.  I am thankful to have strong Bible teachers and preachers in my life who can deliver a message I need to hear.  They encourage me to wait on God.

The weight is heavy.  Today is one of those days where I am feeling the strain.  I so deeply want God to come lift it off today, to show me his provision and make it evident and to allow me to quit waiting and let me walk into a land of milk and honey.  I need that today.  I have already begged for it today.

So I wait.  I wait for God.  Some call me crazy.  Others don’t understand.  I may be crazy and I don’t know that I understand it myself.

Yet, in faith I wait.  I will continue to beg God to act quickly, to take me to a place where I can see and live in his bountiful goodness and where I can glorify Him for taking the weight off of me.  Until then, I will still have faith, I will wait and I will choose to believe that He is acting and will act in accordance to His plan I cannot comprehend or understand today.  I trust Him to be true to me.

In faith I will wait.  It is not with joy I wait but with a trust that He will see me through.  In faith I will wait.

Grace and peace.

Some Days I Feel Like Singing

17 Friday Jan 2014

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I love good singing.  Growing up in the churches of Christ, I have been fortunate to hear good singing.  At Abilene Christian University, they have a tradition at several events where the entire audience sings “The Lord Bless You and Keep You” and, with 4,000+ voices, it can be overwhelmingly powerful.

The good Lord chose not to bless me with a singing voice.  I think he knew that if I had a good voice, I’d wind up in a band like Motley Crue or certainly living the life of a rock star and all the bad that comes with that.  So, being in the churches of Christ, I was able to boast that I made a joyful noise just like the Bible calls for.  Woohoo!

Now don’t get me wrong.  Just because of grew up in a church of Christ background doesn’t mean I’m against instruments.  If you get in my truck, you’ll know I like my subwoofers turned up high.  I have worshipped many times where a band was used and found them to be incredibly talented.  I’m not against instruments but I am for voices.  I love the Sing Off, a voice-only show on TV.  I love The Voice where one person is initially judged solely by the sound of their voice.

All that to say, some days I just feel like singing.  I sing in the bathroom.  I sing in the shower.  I sing getting dressed.  I sing in the truck.  I sing in the office.  Yes, that one does draw some consternation.  And, when I’m singing, I find myself singing praise songs.  Today, 10,000 Reasons is on my heart.  I was fortunate to be able to worship with Matt Chandler last May.  It was a very uplifting experience and this has become one of my favorite songs.  I hope you will enjoy…and sing along with me.

10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman

Grace and peace.

Let’s Get Ready To Rumbllllleeeeeeee…

19 Thursday Dec 2013

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I think God enjoys wrestling with me.  The past few years have been spiritual wrestling matches where I’ve battled who I thought I was and what I thought had been taught and knew.  The changes have been crazy at times, painful at times and full of peace and joy at times.  I’m wrestling again.

I’ve found much comfort the past year in reading Jesus Calling.  I feel like it speaks directly to me and my situation so often.  I know many other people who feel the same way but I’m sure it was written directly to me some days.  Today is one of those days where the words take me to the wrestling mat.

The past 15 years of my life have been a struggle.  Personal relationships, business relationships, intimate relationships…struggle, struggle, struggle.  Through it all I have consistently grown closer to God.  There are days I feel like I have no faith left, none whatsoever, and then I find myself praying to God telling him I’ve run out of faith.  Sounds kind of crazy to pray to the being you’ve lost faith in, huh?  So, I take it my faith is growing stronger because I say things to God that would scare many people I know.  I think I’m either crazy or my faith is so strong I can say anything to God and believe he deals with it pretty well.  Maybe he laughs at my foolishness.  Maybe he gets a little angry and wants to throw a lightning bolt at me.

I remember a time I was telling my daughter she needed to do a better job of something and she fired back, “well, I don’t have a very good example, do I?”  BOOM!  My first inclination was to tell her how the cow at the cabbage, show her who’s boss, put my foot down…all those things.  But I held my tongue and soaked it in that day.  The next day, I reminded her of the conversation and then threw this little zinger back at her.  “Honey, if I’m your example, your sights are set far too low.  When Jesus is your example, then you will be on target.”

I can’t help but think that’s what God is trying to tell me.  I’m frustrated because I see a tormentor having an easier life and living better than me.  “Jeff, if that’s your example of a good life, your sights are set way too low.  Look at Jesus’ life and follow his example.”  I’m frustrated because I’m not sleeping in my own bed most nights and not near the people I want to see every chance I get.  “Jeff, it those are the things you are focused on, your sights are set way too low.  Focus on Jesus.  Remember what he did and why he did it.  Be his disciple even when it’s uncomfortable.”

I’ve got to be honest and say I don’t think God is telling me to be happy in my circumstances or even to be grateful.  Oh, I’ve read James 1:2 and I still don’t think it’s God telling me to be happy about my pain and frustration and fears.  No, I think he’s telling me to focus on what is really important.

The Lesson

28 Thursday Nov 2013

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It’s Thanksgiving Day and it’s a day I’m struggling to give thanks.  I know, in reality, my life is really pretty good compared with most of the world but the pain I feel is the greatest pain I know.  Some family issues are hurting my heart today.  They will pass and I will get over them but today they hurt.

So I get an email the other day with a link to this video.  It’s a good listen with a good message.  It’s a lesson I needed and need this day.  I’m working on leaving the pain behind and being grateful.  I’m one who carries my pain longer than I should – it’s just who I am.  I’m also one who wants to live more gratefully.  To choose to experience joy and happiness.  I appreciate the lesson I got in this video.

Grace and peace.

http://www.ted.com/talks/david_steindl_rast_want_to_be_happy_be_grateful.html?utm_source=newsletter_daily&utm_campaign=daily&utm_medium=email&utm_content=button__2013-11-27

Clarity

28 Tuesday May 2013

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“The problem with clarity is you might not like what you see.” – Ryan Morrison

My friend spoke these words this weekend and they have stuck with me.  I always want to see the picture more clearly thinking it will bring understanding and insight.  While that is true, I seldom think I might not like what I see; that seeing the truth may call for changes, major changes, even hard changes.  I want clarity when it brings me new hope and new paths full of roses and sunshine.  I am not as big a fan of clarity when it helps bring light to the dark I didn’t have to look at before.

Seeing God with more clarity is a double edged sword.  I get to see the Creator and Savior of all, the LORD sitting on a throne shining more brightly than I can begin to imagine right now.  And in this moment, I also can see the areas where God wants to keep molding, shaping, chiseling to remake me into His image.  In the long run (which is where my focus really needs to be), the molding and re-shaping will make me stronger, more refined but there may be pain in the making.

It is in these moment of clarity I get to choose what I want – comfort or joy.  Comfort for today or joy for the days to come.  With clarity, I can see where I am and I can see where I am headed.  What I fail to realize is that even in the comfort I think I might have today, there is worry, fear, trepidation about what might happen next.  In looking to the future, I can see the journey has turns, bumps and hills to climb but I can appreciate, if not enjoy, those obstacles knowing there is great beauty and peace ahead.

Grace and peace.

On the Other Hand…

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

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Yes, two posts in one day.  It’s because I wrote When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough a few days ago when I was the lowest of my lows.  I was angry, mad, disgusted, frustrated with many other emotions flowing.  Last night and this morning weren’t significantly better.  I had more harsh words with God.

Then I had lunch.  It was at Fuzzy’s.  I know things are better when I get to have lunch at Fuzzy’s.  It was with a guy I didn’t know but knew of through some friends.  It’s a guy with contacts but it was more than that.  It was a guy who asked some good questions, who said some things to help me reorient my thought processes and encouraged me to stay focused on a passion and to believe God is working in the plans.  It was a good lunch.

It doesn’t make the pain and the fear I face go away.  It helps me see it differently though.

It reminded me there are the things the world tells me and there are the things I believe God is speaking into me.  There is security in money and possessions says the world, there is security in having nothing – no assets, no debts, nothing of this world, no bondage says God.  (No, I’m not saying God wants us to live as paupers, only that He wants us to trust in Him.)

I’m ready to sell all I have if I need to.  I’m ready to run through my retirement account if I need to.  I’m ready to pursue what I believe is a dream that God is drawing in my mind and if I’m living in that, finances and relationships and other things will work out as best they can.  Sure, the people that torment me may still torment me.  Sure, the bills will still come due.  Sure, there will be bad days.  There will also be a lot of good days, a lot of positive things happening and maybe some of those rough spots will smooth out.

Sometimes I need to work through my hard times in hard ways.  I need to process, to think, to withdraw to a place that is safe for me.  I ask my closest friends to pray for me in these times and hope they understand it helps me to think it out, sort it out, even speak/write it out.  I’m an introvert and that’s what introverts do.  Once I work through it, I can move on.

I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to be grateful.  I’m ready to be hopeful.  I’m ready to trust.  I’m ready to find the path that is the right path for me.  I expect ups and downs as I get there and I also expect to find good things at the end of the road.

Sometimes the days are dark.  Very dark.  On the other hand, some days are beautiful and filled with joy.  I’m looking towards the “on the other hand” days.

Grace and peace.

The Joy of Voices

19 Wednesday Dec 2012

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Tonight is one of those special nights.  I’m listening to the voices of my daughter and her friends as they watch movies and celebrate Christmas with each other.  They have all gone to different schools and are coming back together for the first time since August.  There is joy, laughing, intense story-telling and great recollections.  They are a group who picks up wherever they left off.  Of course, it’s different in this time of Facebook, Twitter, Skype, Oovoo and the all the other technology they have to stay connected.

The real joy is mine though.  I am home alone.  Alot.  It’s my choice so I do enjoy the peace and quiet but I also long for the days when I was at home with my children every night, hearing their voices, being in their presence.

Tonight, while not sitting in their midst the whole night, I have truly enjoyed my interaction with them and am so thankful to their youthful, happy voices.  They still have their lives and the world in front of them and are enjoying times of little responsibility, little stress, little fear.  I’m a bit envious of their position in life.

Mostly, I’m just happy as I hear them laugh, hear them talk, debate, joke, speak in foreign accents…I’m just happy.

Grace and peace.

Out of Control

23 Friday Nov 2012

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I know people who want total control over their lives (and over the lives of people around them in some cases) and when they don’t have it, become combative, defensive, offensive, mean.  Others become depressed and withdrawn.  Others just keep going faster and faster on a journey to complete flame-out.

I can control one thing and that is how much trust I will put in God.

I’m in a position where the world says I need to be worried, frenetic, and busy.  The world has had some influence because I have given in to all of these things.  At the same time, God tells me he has plans for me (Ephesians 2:10) and if I am to believe that, I should have peace and optimism about what the future holds.

I find it interesting to watch the reaction of Christians when I tell them that I am trusting God, that I am using this time to rest and recover from the busy-oholic life I have been living.  It does not mean I am not working to change my position.  After all, faith without works is dead, right?  However, while I work I am putting more faith in God to open the right doors and I am praying that God does more than I can imagine in this time.

I’m getting some rest (I still haven’t learned to slow down enough to appreciate Sabbath), my health is getting better and my mind is starting to work like it used to again.  I credit this to faith.  To letting controlling what I can and giving control of what I cannot do to God.  I want to be out of control and for Him to be in control.

Grace and peace.