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Lament

10 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by Seeking Peace in Life

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hope, lament

Lament defined is a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.  Yes, even misery.  I have used this space to lament many, many times.  I like to express my sorrow, my misery, because I DO NOT want to hold onto it.  So, this space is where it is released.  It is where I make space in my mind and in my soul for hope.

The Psalms are full of lament.  I think I understand some of what David felt when he was writing his psalms of lament.  I think I understand how it helped him keep moving forward when his days were tough.  No doubt his challenges were often a bit more of a life and death matter than mine.  Nonetheless, emotion is emotion in whatever situation we find it.

One of David’s lament psalms I have identified with the most is Psalm 51.  Here’s an excerpt with highlighted portions done by me…

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

David understood misery.  And pain.  And hope.  Those things can and do live together.  Maybe my failure as I lament is that I do not include elements of hope that are evident to everyone.  I don’t know that my writing is as good as it should be or the message as broad as it could be but I do know this; I understand what David understood.  Writing out your pain can open the door to the hope that only comes from God.

While I often say I write only for myself, I do seek your comments.  Do I lament too much?  Do I seem like a miserable person?  Do I need to include more hope?  What would you say I need to do better as a writer?

Grace and peace.

On the Other Hand…

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by Seeking Peace in Faith, Life

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anger, Gratefulness, hope, joy, lament

Yes, two posts in one day.  It’s because I wrote When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough a few days ago when I was the lowest of my lows.  I was angry, mad, disgusted, frustrated with many other emotions flowing.  Last night and this morning weren’t significantly better.  I had more harsh words with God.

Then I had lunch.  It was at Fuzzy’s.  I know things are better when I get to have lunch at Fuzzy’s.  It was with a guy I didn’t know but knew of through some friends.  It’s a guy with contacts but it was more than that.  It was a guy who asked some good questions, who said some things to help me reorient my thought processes and encouraged me to stay focused on a passion and to believe God is working in the plans.  It was a good lunch.

It doesn’t make the pain and the fear I face go away.  It helps me see it differently though.

It reminded me there are the things the world tells me and there are the things I believe God is speaking into me.  There is security in money and possessions says the world, there is security in having nothing – no assets, no debts, nothing of this world, no bondage says God.  (No, I’m not saying God wants us to live as paupers, only that He wants us to trust in Him.)

I’m ready to sell all I have if I need to.  I’m ready to run through my retirement account if I need to.  I’m ready to pursue what I believe is a dream that God is drawing in my mind and if I’m living in that, finances and relationships and other things will work out as best they can.  Sure, the people that torment me may still torment me.  Sure, the bills will still come due.  Sure, there will be bad days.  There will also be a lot of good days, a lot of positive things happening and maybe some of those rough spots will smooth out.

Sometimes I need to work through my hard times in hard ways.  I need to process, to think, to withdraw to a place that is safe for me.  I ask my closest friends to pray for me in these times and hope they understand it helps me to think it out, sort it out, even speak/write it out.  I’m an introvert and that’s what introverts do.  Once I work through it, I can move on.

I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to be grateful.  I’m ready to be hopeful.  I’m ready to trust.  I’m ready to find the path that is the right path for me.  I expect ups and downs as I get there and I also expect to find good things at the end of the road.

Sometimes the days are dark.  Very dark.  On the other hand, some days are beautiful and filled with joy.  I’m looking towards the “on the other hand” days.

Grace and peace.

When Gratefulness Isn’t Enough

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by Seeking Peace in Life

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Tags

anger, Gratefulness, lament

I’ve tried to be on a gratefulness track.  What I mean is that I am trying to live intentionally grateful for the good things in my life instead of so easily seeing the negative.

It doesn’t always work.

The preacher at our church is currently teaching on lament.  Google defines lament as “a passionate expression of grief.”  This afternoon has been full on lament for me.  I’m dealing with someone who has the ability to rip my heart out time after time.  (I can explore the ideal of me letting that happen another time.)  Today was no different and lament was in full swing.  Tears flowing.  Shouting at God.  No, SHOUTING at God.  Why?  Why?  What’s the purpose?  What I have done to have to endure this?  What haven’t I done that is causing me to have to endure this?  Where are you?  Why don’t you stop it?  Why don’t you act in ways that stop people from doing what they want without regard for anyone else?

Yes, I asked what the problem was and if there was another alternative.  The response was simply “I don’t want to do anything for you.”  Now, if it was feeding my dog or checking my mail, no big deal.  When it comes to what I love the most on this earth, and that is known by the other party, well, what the #$%^ God?

Yeah, my passionate expressions of grief can get pretty brutal.  I’m trusting God to understand how bad I hurt right now, to keep me safe and to confine my sharp tongue to my blog and no one else.  I’m trusting God to give me space to get through this and to return to gratefulness for the time I do have with my kids instead of being focused on the time that has been robbed from me.

I can’t stop what other people say to them.  I can’t stop their pain from the biting words they hear.  And that hurts all the more.  A dad wants to protect and defend.  It just doesn’t work that way all the time though.

At some point, I will talk to God and ask for His help in returning to a state of gratefulness.  I’ll thank Him for all the blessings I have.  For now, I still have some passionate expressions of grief to discuss.

Grace and peace.

And maybe a wallop with the 2X4 on those who try to steal it.

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