Tag Archives: patience

Easier Said Than Done

07 Monday Jul 2014

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Last week I was relaying the story of the Israelites in Exodus 14 to a friend.  I think he is in a place where he has been still waiting on God and now it is time for him to move.  It appears God is ready to part the Red Sea for him but he is still sitting still instead of moving to action so he can cross on dry land.  Granted, I may not know the whole story because he may not have shared every detail but it has put that story back on my mind because of my situation.

Today, I am an Israelite grumbling to Moses about God.  I am frustrated that God has brought me out into the desert and I feel like I am about to be crushed by financial and emotional issues.  I am frustrated because I could have stayed where I was, captive but comfortable.  God took the Israelites out of slavery and led them on a journey.  He gets them next to the Red Sea and the Egyptians are coming for them.  The Israelites cry out that they were better off enslaved than killed in the desert.  I am feeling the same thing.  I am also wrong, just like they were at that time.

What happened next was amazing.  Moses told them to trust in God for deliverance and God ends up parting the Red Sea for them to cross to safety.  After they cross between two huge walls of water and are safe, God allows the Egyptians into that space and drowns them giving the Israelites safety and space.

My patience is thin.  Too thin.  I believe God will do great things for me but I find myself grumbling in the desert right now.  I want the sea parted on my terms and in my timing.

Oh Lord, please speak the words over me you had Moses speak over the Israelites.  YHWH, wrap me in your arms so I feel your presence and know you are fighting for me.  Lord, give me peace that is unexplainable and show me your greatness and power and love and grace.  Oh Lord, I am weak and I ask for these things today in my weakness but I will still trust in you and know your timing is right and good.

Grace and peace.

Weekend Recovery

13 Monday May 2013

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What a weekend.  My daughter came home from college and I graduated from college.

It’s so good to see my children.  They bless me in so many ways and I really can’t get enough time with them.  Every time they are with me I wish we had more time, had talked about more things.  I worry that I don’t always say the things I need to say, to go as deep as I need to go, to teach them what I need to teach them.  On the other hand, there is only so far a dad can go without an open invitation.  I hope my life, the highs and the lows, are teaching them about patience, steadfastness and the ability to get back up when you’ve been knocked down – whether by your own mistakes or the actions of someone else.

I am a Master!  I graduated with a Master of Arts in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation.  I have not created world peace yet but it’s on my list of things to do.

Now I’m back to consulting work, job hunting and thinking about how to position a new blog, a potential book and a new life journey.  It’s good to have something to do.  Along with that, I keep trying to understand God and His work in my life.  I’m trying to better understand patience, hope, hearing God and when I am supposed to act and when I am supposed to be still.  If I can figure all that out, I’m going to be in a really good place.  I continue in prayer that He will make His paths clear with neon lights, that I will not be able to escape the sound of His voice in whatever form I need to hear it and that He will put me on the right path, soon, so that I can be active and fulfilled in the work He has planned for me.

Grace and peace.

Quotes

01 Wednesday May 2013

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I’ve read a couple of things yesterday that I want to post and have to go back to.

“The hardest thing in the world is to be where we are.” – Rowan Williams 

How true is this?  I want to be somewhere else most of the time.  When I had a job, I wanted to be somewhere else.  Now that I’m looking for a job, I want to be somewhere else.  I’m learning a lot about living in the present moment…and APPRECIATING the present moment for what it is and what God wants to reveal in it.  It reminds me of something a friend said to me not long ago, “the grass is greenest where we water it.”

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
    apart from you I have no good thing.” – Psalms 16:2 

All that I have can disappear in a flash.  My house.  My stuff.  My relationships.  Oh, how I fear losing those things but what do they mean if I’m not walking with God in this present moment?  My struggle today is that I feel like I am putting my full trust and faith in God and may still end up losing some of these things but they are not important in the long term.  My relationship and faith in God is, however.

“This is where you are meant to live – in the present; it is the place where I always await you.  Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me.” – Jesus Calling by Sarah Young 

Interesting that I read this on the same day I was reading Psalms 16.  Does God want me to get something through my head?  The challenge is that I believe I am living more and more in that dependency but I keep expecting to see answers to my prayers in that living.  Maybe I’m not fully dependent yet?  Or maybe I’m still in training.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I want to live more like a disciple of Christ but, man, it is hard for me to do much of the time.

“Rejection is the most painful wound you will ever receive because it is the most painful wound God ever experienced.” ~Robert Morris -Gateway Church

Rejection.  Wow.  Rejection by employers.  Rejection by friends.  Rejection by spouses.  Rejection of ideas and hopes and dreams.  I like to tell myself I handle rejection well but I just bottle it up and put it on a shelf.  Then, when a situation comes up that reminds me of the old wound, I go open the bottle and drink from it so I can build walls and protect myself from the possibility of more rejection.  I’m so thankful God doesn’t deal with rejection like I do.  I pray I can begin to deal with rejection more like God does.

I’m learning to live a different life.  I’m learning to see things differently.  I wish I knew where it was all headed.  I’m impatient.  An old friend, Jerry Meade, once told me that God is slow…at least in our version of time.  One more thing for me to accept and work out in my own life.  Be patient.  Have faith.  Quit trying to fit God in my box of how things should look.  Tough stuff.  And yet, hope and faith are all I have right now.  All I have is hope in Him and His power to do great things through me.  Let that be enough for today.

Another friend gave me one of those rubber bracelets once that said “MY GOD IS BIG ENOUGH.”  I wish I still had that bracelet.  Instead, I will try to keep that thought in my head all day today.

Grace and peace.

It’s a Struggle

29 Monday Apr 2013

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This weekend has been a hard few days.  Physically.  Emotionally.  I feel alone.  I read Psalms 13 a few times this weeknd and it resonated.  Then I read it in the Message version and it jumped off the pages at me.

Long enough, God.  You’ve ignored me long enough.  I’ve looked at the back of your head long enough.  Long enough I’ve carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain.  Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me.  Take a good look at me, God, my God, I want to look life in the eye, So no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face.  I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms – I’m celebrating your rescue.  I’m singing at the top of my lungs, I’m so full of answered prayers.

I don’t know David’s full intent when writing this but I can see my life in it.  I am ready to look life in the eye, to see God’s purpose for my coming days, to stop the people who speak negatively about me.  I hear their words and they sting.  Not so much that the words hurt but who they are being said to and what damage that is causing.  I want to celebrate.  I want to show people what happens when you put your full faith in God, how He rescues, how He saves.

But today, I simply join David in crying out “Long enough, Lord, long enough.”

Grace and peace.

The Gratefulness Project

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

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I’ve been on the theme of gratefulness lately because I believe it is important, something that I struggle with and a trait I want to exhibit more of for the rest of my days.  I think of gratefulness as a project in my life because a project is something that usually takes some time, has progress and setbacks and gives a sense of accomplishment when milestones are reached.  For me, living in gratefulness is a project.  As much as I want to be grateful overnight and never change, I wake up worrying about a multitude of things and the leading worry usually has something to do with finances.  All that worry and God continues to give me manna for the day.

I have been blessed.  God has given me time to deal with some intense pain that I haven’t dealt with in a long time.  God has given me time to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually.  He has provided work and income.  He has surrounded me with special friends who have spoke powerful words deep inside of me.

So much to be grateful for and I wake up worrying.  Silly, right?  It’s why I call it a project.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with thanksgiving for what I have.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the thought that God is at work to secure what I need for the days ahead.  I’ll keep working to overcome my worry with the knowledge that my future in Him and with Him is secure.

My gratefulness project starts anew today.  Thank you Lord for providing for me and putting up with me.

Grace and peace.

A Slow Start

07 Wednesday Nov 2012

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My blogging is off to a slow start but not because I haven’t thought about a bunch of things to say.  I have been going through some dramatic changes in my life and maybe the shock, the fear, the wonder, the hope and many other emotions have collided to both make me stop, make me think and make wait.  Ah, waiting.  I’m not great at waiting.  And forgiving myself.  Not good at that either.  And trusting God.  Well, I trust Him with some small things but job hunting is all dependent on me.  Right?

Forgiving self is one of the greatest battles I have.  Typically, I don’t forgive myself and I have junk I have been carrying with me for a long, long time.  A good friend said something to me the other day that really struck a chord.  “Failing to forgive yourself is denying God’s child a gift God wants to give him.”  Wow.  It’s the story of the prodigal and I love the story…right up to the point where I fill in the rest of the story with the returning son living under a cloud of his sins.

Another great comment I heard recently deals with my faith and patience.  “The God who says He has plans for you, that you are His workmanship, is the God you are now doubting because things aren’t the way you want them?”  That hits me right between the eyes.

That’s a start.  I hope this blog evolves into a lot more praise for my glorious Father and less about my doubt, self-doubt and failings.  In the meantime, I’ll deal with some things I need to deal with and see where it leads me.  And where He leads me.

Grace and peace.