Tag Archives: prayer

#PrayforParis

17 Tuesday Nov 2015

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I’m at a crossroads.  My heart of faith tells me I need to be open to all people regardless of their religion, culture or where they come from.  My heart as an American, husband and father tells me to protect those I love, to seal borders and to carry a gun.  Wow!  Talk about some inner turmoil in my head…you may not want to be me right now.

I know this.  No one I know or have heard speak/tweet/sing has all the answers.  I have immense trust in God and believes He works in all situations for the good of those who love Him.  I have also learned He takes His time in revealing His ways.

While I wrestle with what to think about the Syrians and ISIS, I also wrestle with something a little less glamorized currently in our media, homes and churches.  While we pray for those in Paris and commit to stand in solidarity with them, why don’t we also hashtag #prayforSyria, #prayforTerrorists, #prayforMuslims, #prayforTheHomeless, #prayforTheUnemployed, #prayforSinners, #prayforPutin, #prayforObama/Clinton/Sanders/Trump/Carson/Rubio/Bush/et.al.

My point is this.  There are a number of things we need to address in this world of ours and in this country.  There are so many people who are hurting emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually that are overlooked daily while we rally around heartache and heartbreak in Paris, France.  I would take nothing away from the outpouring of compassion we have given the people affected by the senseless tragedy, only hope we become more aware of the senseless tragedies around us daily that need our prayers, our support, our finances and our hearts.

I’ll add one more hashtag I’m very affected by…#prayformetoo.

Grace and peace.

I’m Singing

01 Friday Aug 2014

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Wow!  I do not have the words to do my heart and emotions justice today.  I have been on a long journey through a desert and I feel like I am seeing and experiencing an end to this part of my journey.  In the last week, I believe God has spoken answers to years of prayer, years of pleading, years of crying out in tears, years of screaming at Him and years of feeling lost and forgotten.  In all of that, I always looked back to God, my Lord, the Sovereign for hope and for answers.  I have heard so many “no’s” and “not now’s” and there have been times of desperation and times of emptiness and times of bitterness.  There have also been times of great joy and faith and hope and there have been moments where the desert gave way to green grass and cool water.

Today, I feel like I am in paradise.  It started last weekend.  A Friday evening dinner with my VSW.  Saturday lunch with two of my dearest and most treasured friends.  Sunday with some answers that blew me away with excitement.  Monday started a series of phone calls about a new job and culminated yesterday with an offer that brings me home to my VSW, my community of friends, my house and I’ll even include my dog in there.  For 8 months I have lived somewhere else and my VSW has stood by me, encouraged me, lifted me up, carried hope and prayed with me.  We have been tested and we have come through it strong.  I cannot begin to say how thankful I am for her.

Today, Chris Tomlin’s song is on my heart and coming from my lips.  I can’t help it.  I know lots of people who do not believe God is active in their lives or has concern for what happens here.  I have shared those thoughts and wonder myself at times but this day I am choosing to believe he is active in my life and he is putting things together for me that will change my life for the better.  I can’t explain why a woman moves to my community from another state to live but I chose to reach out to her one day and now she is the love of my life.  I can’t explain how a boot company would consider a person for a sales job of great magnitude for their company who has never been in sales before but I chose to take advantage of a door that was open and sell them on me.  Yes, I have taken action in my life to get where I am today but I also choose to believe God has something to do with moving the pieces around and putting opportunities in our path.

All that to say, I don’t have all the answers and never will but I know I have a wonderful woman in my life and now have a job that will bring us closer and allow us to go forward.  That has me singing.

Grace and peace.

A Reminder

24 Thursday Jul 2014

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MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

  • Thomas Merton, “Thoughts in Solitude”

What’s Up With Prayer

30 Monday Jun 2014

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I was talking to my VSW (that’s Very Special Woman for those of you may be new) about prayer yesterday.  I don’t think I have met anyone who fully understands it.  I struggle at various times with wondering if what I am praying about is what God wants to hear.  I also struggle with asking God for wisdom and revelation and still feeling ignorant and blind.  Today, I got an email from a friend that had a message from a famous preacher on TV these days.  While I don’t always agree with the famous preachers theology, I also do not believe I have a corner on understanding the ways of God.  So, I read and listen and seek things that apply to what I know or what I want to know better.  Anyway, the email included this prayer…

Father, thank You for placing dreams and desires in my heart. I trust that You are at work to bring them to pass even when I can’t see it, even when it’s taking longer than I thought. I know that You are faithful, and I trust You completely in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Now, I’m in a place in my life where I am wondering what the next step for me should be.  Stay?  Go?  Pursue the dreams of my heart?  Or is it too late for that?  Or is it just the right time?  I’m asking all those questions and get this prayer in an email today.  Hmm.

In a few minutes I will have some windshield time.  I need to make a couple of phone calls but will also do some praying…and hopefully some listening.  Today could be a big day.  I have a meeting that could be big in the next step of where I am headed.  Or, it could just be a little more gasoline burned in the pursuit of something I don’t see or understand completely.

Whatever.  I don’t really know what I am doing but I keep doing the things I know or think I should be doing.  God knows the desires of my heart right now.  Are they in line with his desires for me?  I guess that is what I am trying to figure out.  Or here from him.  I hope today I will get some wisdom and revelation.  And peace.

Grace and peace.

I Wish

09 Friday May 2014

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Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

I wish I felt the peace this psalm offers.  I wish.

I hope God will cover me with the peace this psalm offers.  I hope.

Grace and peace.

Live Hard, Pray Harder

11 Friday Apr 2014

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I’ve always heard the phrase “Work Hard, Play Hard” and probably lived it out part of my life.  I may have played more than worked a lot of times too but I digress.  Life is hard sometimes.  Oh, I see people I know who look like they have the world by the tail, plenty of money and nice families and great vacations all over the world and it doesn’t look like they struggle with a thing.  I have also known homeless people very well and I’m not so sure they didn’t have the more peaceful life but it was not an easy life.  For almost everyone of us, in some way or another, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, life can be hard.  What is hard for us may be a blip for someone else but it doesn’t make it any less hard for us.  I’m a firm believer that our misery is the worst we know and we can’t simply look at someone else who may have a difficulty we don’t want to make it all better.  (Some thoughts on that.)  So, what gets me through? Prayer.  Now, there is no doubt I have lots of thoughts on prayer and have had some intense battles with it.  I didn’t say I know everything about prayer, just that I have lots of thoughts and battles.  I have gone through times with lots of worded prayers and I have gone through times when I simply asked God to look at my heart because I had no words.  I’ve also gone through periods of complete silence knowing believing that if God knows me better than I know myself, he knows what is going on within me.  Today, I’m in a between point where I do the first two; say some prayers at times, mediate and listen at others. One of the greatest gifts God has put in my life is a woman who reads the Bible in the morning and then shares her prayer for the day with me.  I never knew how powerful it was to have someone share their daily prayer with me.  It makes me think.  It encourages me to pray.  It reminds me others are facing the day with hopes and dreams and battles ahead of them and approaching it with a prayer on their heart for that day.  In my darkest moments, her prayers have softened me.  In my better moments, her prayers have encouraged me.  I know it’s a gift because I see what it does to my mind and my heart.  I am thankful for her faithfulness to God and to prayer because it inspires me to live more faithfully too. I won’t share her prayers here because I have not asked for permission.  Instead, I’ll share a prayer by Thomas Merton.  I appreciate the simplicity of it and his desire to serve God even when he doesn’t know how.  I want to have a heart that is 100% for God even when I am blind to what I need to be doing or where I should be going.  Those are the times I want to lean on God the most.  Again, I digress.  Without further ado… MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

• Thomas Merton, “Thoughts in Solitude”

Grace and peace.

It’s Still Raining

12 Thursday Dec 2013

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Yesterday I mentioned Casting Crowns Praise You In This Storm.  The song starts off with the idea that the singer has called on God and thought He would step in to change things but it’s still raining.  My last two posts are all about struggles.  They are about obstacles that seem to continually pop up to block a path to perceived peace, to perceived happiness, to perceived rest.

The night after writing the second post, I got home to my temporary quarters to find a mouse in my bed.  YES!  I saw him run and went to pull the covers back and no mouse.  I thought I must have imagined it when I picked up my pillow and he came flying out of the pillowcase.  What a great start.  Later, when lying in bed about to have a FaceTime chat with a loved one, the bed frame broke.

The two nights prior to last night I slept a combined 8 hours.  Last night I got 5 1/2.  I guess I can look at that and say things are improving.  It’s hard to go to sleep on a leaning bed wondering if a mouse is going to come cuddle up to me.  Or chew off an ear.

The lesson is I can call and call and call on God, say amen and it may still be raining.  I don’t know why.  I don’t understand Him.  This relationship He says He wants with me isn’t what Joel Osteen keeps promising folks.  It wasn’t the relationship most of the mighty men in the Bible had either but I’m not seeking that high of a status.

I want my job to work out but just heard there may be another buyer involved now.  It makes me even less certain this is a solution for long.  I want my relationships to work out but my job is leading me further away from the people I want to be with the most.

And I keep finding myself praying.  I keep going back to God.  Even I have to ask myself why after awhile.  Today’s Jesus Calling devotional said to share my dreams with Him.  So far, “NOPE” is the answer I have gotten to my dream requests.  I know the answer was no because I was very specific.  For the last four years I have made some very specific dream requests and the answer has been NO.  NO.  NO.

And I keep finding myself praying.  And it’s still raining.

Grace and peace.

Praying For What?

16 Thursday May 2013

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There are some good things that come with not having a job.  One, people I meet with buy my lunch most of the time even though I asked for the meeting.  Two, I get some Godly advice.  (The downsides are that I am going to need to buy a lot of lunches when I get a job and some advice is less than Godly, even depressing at times.)  That said, I met a guy for coffee the other day.  It was our first time meeting.  He was a friend of a very good friend and a strong believer.  I told him about my times of depression, of panic, of wondering if God was on the journey with me and was going to answer my prayers in a positive way.  Here was the response…

“You can pray very hard for what you want and God will answer your prayers.  Or, you can pray very hard for God’s perfect will to be done in His timing and God will answer your prayers.  Which prayer do you want answered?”

BAM! WHAP! KA-ZOWEE!

I want God’s perfect will answered in His perfect timing.  Oh, I may not keep encouraging Him to advance His perfect answer a little faster but I rather it be God’s design than mine.  I’ve seen what I can do with life…I think I will prefer God’s plan for my coming days.

Grace and peace.

Memories

16 Saturday Feb 2013

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I get sentimental.  It’s true.  I think about days past, about the people and places that have been a part of my life, about the ups and downs, the great events and the lowest moments.  I think about memories.

I have spent my hours on some misbegotten dreams, and I have spent my money on some foolish-hearted things, and I have spent my memories on old and bitter wine.  –
Robert Earl Keen, Jr., I Would Change My Life

When I look back, I see so much devastation.  There are memories of my children.  There are beautiful and scenic vacation vistas.  There are big rainbow trout at the end of a fly line.  There are Christmases and fireworks.  Lots of good things.  Yet, I think back on my memories as misbegotten dreams, as foolish-hearted things, as old and bitter wine.

Maybe it’s because my wounds of recent pains still hurt so bad.  Maybe I am pessimistic and just don’t want to believe it.  Maybe it’s because some people around me seem to have little hope at times or remember the good things as the roads not traveled.

I hope time and prayer and faith and good friends will help my thought of memories change.  I hope to remember the bad times as learning experiences and see the good things I’ve taken from them.  I’m not there yet.  Maybe tomorrow.

Grace and peace.

Birthdays Come and Gone

04 Monday Feb 2013

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Birthdays are markers of sorts.  For some of us, they are a marker of time passing swiftly by.  For some, it is the freedom of a drivers license and a car.  For others, it may be full of memories.

As I’ve moved through the past few years with a great deal of pain, I have protected myself.  Reading another blog the other day, I came across the following which has so aptly described me:

What I didn’t know at the time was that I created a wall around my heart—a wall to protect myself from getting hurt.

I decided that from that day forward I would always leave others before they could leave me.

I paid this debt for many years, getting close to people and leaving them on a whim. I felt no love really, but I also felt no pain. I was numb. I was detached from the pain I caused others because I wasn’t in touch with the pain inside my heart.

So what does that have to do with birthdays.  Since my divorce, I have built walls around my heart and made the personal decision I would never again set myself up for the emotional train wreck I’ve been living for the past 12 years.  Somehow, I allowed two women to get close and the alarm went off and I moved on.  Maybe there were good reasons for moving on.  Maybe God had more in store for each of us than what was.  Either way, as I read the words above, for some reason I thought about the birthdays of the two women who tried to tear down my walls.  I thought about markers in time, my passing years, the days between the birthdays we shared and today and what has happened in the meantime.  This remembrance came just a few moments after recounting my divorce, the years before and the pain of separation from my children that still enflame the wounds of my heart.  I stopped and prayed for these two women, these warriors who tried to help me only to be met with resistance.  I prayed for their hearts, for their families and for what God is planning to do in their futures.  I asked that it be to His glory and a glorious ride for both of them.

And then what for me?  The wall hasn’t crumbled.  My desire to live in gratefulness is elusive at this moment.  The rollercoaster ride that is my life took another dip.

I trust there will be better days and that some of these hard days are good reminders of where I’ve been and where I’m headed.  Yet, it hasn’t stopped my support of the walls, of the numbness I often live in.  What will God do with that?  Will He be able to tear it down or does that all depend on me?  Will he send someone who will make me want to tear down the walls?  Or, do I simply have to come closer to Him because I use the wall to try and keep Him at a distance too?

I have no answers today.  I may have no answers tomorrow.  So, I keep asking God to let me see with His eyes.  Maybe one day things will be different…

Grace and peace.