I talked about the power fear has over me.  It still resonates through my body this day.  The other thing about fear is it’s weight.  Man, it is heavy.  At times it weighs down on my so much it almost pushes all the air out of my body.  Other times it weighs so much it simply paralyzes me.  It makes my head hurt and disrupts my thoughts.  It leaves me feeling like I am buried under a pile of rocks, alone, with nowhere to go.

I’m thankful for friends I can call on.  They help lift the weight.  They help carry the burden at times.  The song, sung by Bill Withers (and recently done so well by Nicholas David on The Voice) has lyrics I’ve never listened to or caught before reading them today.  The third stanza hit me like a truck today.

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand (Chorus)
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’d understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Second Verse
(Chorus)

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me

Just calling is hard sometimes.  The weight of fear crushes my hopes, my dreams, my faith and my ability to call on people at times.  The weight of fear reminds me that I cannot do things on my own and tells me I am weak because of it, that I will fail, that I will not get out of this present situation without being battered and broken.

Like so many others, I turn to God and call out to him but I have seen prayers answered in painful ways, I have seen tears that don’t stop flowing, pain that never goes away, relationships destroyed.  God doesn’t always tie things up with a pretty red bow…and that drives my fear even more.  The questions of “what if” roll through my mind like a freight train – loud, earth-shaking, powerful – and leave the weight of fear on my shoulders.

Still, I will call on God and ask that He do more than I can imagine, that he will heal and make new, that he will provide so that I can share in abundance and redemption on this earth as well as in the next life.  I will slowly, but surely, call on friends and ask them to pray, to help carry my burden.  The power and weight of fear will lurk and will reach inside me at times, but for today I will still hold on to hope for a better tomorrow.  For if I don’t have hope, what do I have?

Grace and peace.